Love of a Lifetime
by Sandria99
Summary: Three tings I was absolutely sure of. One, I absolutely had the worst parents ever. Two, the first time I saw Edward Cullen, I knew he was my love of a lifetime. And three, I hated myself and my life and I was ready for it all to end... All canon pairings some lemons in later chapters
1. Chapter 1 Prologue

Prologue

Shit! Fuck!

I looked down in horror at the blood gushing out of my wrists. What did I do? Was I crazy? What the hell

possessed me to do that? I don't want to die! I'm not ready to die!

Shit!

"Where the hell is my phone?" I muttered. God! There was blood everywhere!

I found my phone and quickly dialled 9-1-1. I was getting light-headed.

"9-1-1! What is your emergency? said the voice that answered.

"I'm bleeding real bad and I need help." I moaned. "I'm getting dizzy...I think I'm going to faint."

The calm voice asked "What is your location?"

But is was too late, my eyes rolled back and all there was, was blackness.


	2. Chapter 2 High School Here I Come!

4 years earlier.

Gosh I'm nervous. Today was my first day of high school. I was a freshman. I sure hoped things would be better than junior high. Not that I looked any different. A

little chubby, only 4'11" And did I mention I'm a late bloomer? Haven't hit puberty yet. I looked like a little kid. No boobs or hips. The only thing that I was proud of

was my hair. It was really long, past my waist, thick and full. Brown with red highlights. The rest of me was utterly ordinary. Boring brown eyes, and a plain face. I

sure hoped I made some friends this year. I wanted someone who I could confide in and share my secrets and hopes and dreams with. I was sick of being the butt of

everyone's jokes. Bullied and picked on. I just wanted to fit in and be like everyone else.

I went to my home room, and the first person I saw was this beautiful girl with short, black, spiky hair. She looked like a pixie. I was completely intimidated. No way

would she want to be my friend. I sat down as far away from her as possible.

Soon the room was full. attendance taken and lockers assigned. My locker ended up being right next to hers. She was so bubbly.

"Hi! My name is Alice Cullen." She said. Gosh she was sooo nice.

"Uhm...Hi." I smiled shyly. "My name is Isabella Swan, but my friends call me Bella." Huh! Like what friends, I thought to myself.

She started gushing "This is so exciting. And the school is so big. What's your schedule? Let's see if we have any classes together." Why was she being so nice to me?

We compared schedules and found that we had two classes together. English and Choir. We also had lunch together.

We started walking off to our first class together, English. She bubbled on about all the exciting things that would happen now that we were in high school. We sat

down next to each other and she turned to me.

"We are going to be best friends and have so much fun!" Alice stated, with a huge smile on her face.

The teacher walked in and started class, and we had to keep it down, but as class ended Alice hugged me and said she would see me at lunch.

I had a feeling that when I saw her at lunch she would be surrounded by all the new friends she had made and she would have forgotten me. I wasn't going to get my

hopes up!

She was amazing though, so outgoing. I could totally see us being friends.

My morning classes seemed to drag on. I managed to trip over the cracks in the floor, and everyone laughed at me in World History.

In PhysEd, I took someone out on the track as we were running, and she ended up twisting her wrist when she fell. Well, there was one person who would never be

by friend.

Math was one of my worst subjects, and the teacher called on me and I didn't know the answer and got it wrong. More laughter.

Then it was lunch time. I was walking slowly, dragging my feet. I didn't want to be disappointed. I considered just going to the library for lunch. But I had to know.

So I walked to the cafeteria. It was so big. I looked around and thin I saw her. And much to my surprise, she was by herself and searching the large open area. Then

she spotted me and jumped up and started waving her arms above her head.

"Bella! Over here!" She shouted, with a huge grin on her face.

I felt everyone staring at me as I went and sat down with her. I had just an apple and water bottle for lunch. Renée, my mother, didn't keep a lot of food in the

house. Alice had a full tray of cafeteria food.

She smiled and asked how my morning had gone. I blushed and mumbled, "Okay, I guess."

Alice smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Just okay?"

I shrugged. "In case you didn't notice, I'm kind of a klutz. I can trip over a perfectly smooth floor." I blushed and looked down. "I don't have many friends." I finished in a whisper.

"Well. I don't care if you're a klutz! I care about the person that you are. You look like a nice girl, someone who can be a good friend, you have honest eyes.

Expressive eyes. That's the kind of person I want for a friend. Not Ms. popularity, who will just as soon as talk about you, as support you. I want someone who I can

trust." Alice stated seriously. She grabbed my hand and squeezed. Then a huge grin broke across her face. "And I want a friend who is going to be fun to be around. I

can see that you and I will have some fun times together, it will never be boring with you around."

Lunch was over and we walked together to the choir room. The teacher wanted to hear each person sing to know what section to put them in...oh JOY! How

embarrassing. I loved singing, but hated having to stand up in front of other people, to be judged. Alice had a beautiful, pure voice and was put in soprano. I stood up

to sing. It seemed like all conversations stopped as everyone stopped and stared at me. My voice was husky with fear, but I managed to hit all the notes. The teacher

smiled at me and put me in alto.

After everyone had sung, and was placed into sections, the teacher handed out music and we got to work on learning our parts. This was going to be my favorite

class. I loved singing! Class ended too soon, and Alice came back over to me.

"Hey, do you want to come over to my house after school!" She asked.

I frowned and sighed. "I can't today. Renee...uhm, my mother, wants me home right away. Maybe another day."

Alice smiled easily and asked for my phone number.

I blushed and looked down at the ground again. "I don't have my own phone. Renee has a cell, but wont let me use it."

"Oh! Okay." She looked sad. "I guess I will see you later."

Now I felt bad, she looked so disappointed. "I'm really sorry." I sighed.

Alice quickly recovered and gave me a hug. "No problem! Maybe you can come spend the night on Friday?"

That put a huge smile on my face. "I would love that! We'll talk more about it tomorrow."

"Okay! Have a good rest of the day." She waved and we went our separate ways.

Biology was probably the only other class I really enjoyed. I loved the sciences. I even managed to get there with hurting myself or anyone else. It was my last class

of the day too, so I would be finishing each day on a high note.


	3. Chapter 3 The Sleepover

The rest of the week sped by and we settled into a routine.

Everyday at lunch, Alice and I would talk about fashion, boys and the latest movies and movie stars.

Alice really wanted a boyfriend. Preferably an upper classmen. The boys our age were "so immature" as she put it. Sometimes Alice would tell me about her family.

She was an only child too! But her older cousin, Edward, lived with her family because his parents had died in a car crash a couple of years earlier.

Her mom and dad, Esme and Carlisle, had adopted him. Esme had also tried to have more children, but had a problem carrying them for more than a month or two.

She had four miscarriages in six years and ended up having to have a hysterectomy. Esme had suffered from bouts of depression for quite awhile after, but was

finally starting to recover. She and Carlisle were looking in to fostering, and adoption.

"Can they adopt me?" I asked Alice at lunch one day. She giggled. I guess she didn't realize how seriously I meant that. But of course how would she know, I never

talked about my parents or my home life, unless asked a direct question. In fact, I hardly ever talked about myself at all, instead encouraging her to do all the

talking.

No one knew how hard it was for me at home...although it had gotten better since Renée met Phil.

Friday finally came and I was going straight home with Alice, and Edward. I hadn't met him yet. He was a sophomore, so we didn't share any classes together. He

also had a different lunch period then us. To hear Alice talk about Edward though, we probably wouldn't hit it off. He was popular. He was student class president. He

played in several different sports. Participated in after school clubs. Always surrounded by the most beautiful girls. Never without a girlfriend. And was unbelievably

good looking. He sounded like a god, and my own personal demon.

Last bell rang and Alice and I met up at our lockers.

"Bella! I'm so excited! We are going to have so much fun tonight. I have so many things planned for us. Scary movies, pillow fights, we can paint each others nails,

and food...pizza, chips, popcorn, pop, ice cream, candy, cupcakes. You name it and we have it and will do it." Alice was practically bouncing off the walls. I was afraid

she would take me out soon, with my poor balance and equilibrium problems, I just prayed that I would make it through the night without a trip to the hospital.

I giggled and Alice put her arm around my shoulders and walked out to the student parking lot. We walked up to a beautiful, shiny, brand new Volvo. Inside was the

most handsome boy I had ever seen. He had coppery bronze hair that looked like he had run his hands through it. When he looked at me, I was trapped by his

amazing sea green eyes. I had never seen eyes that color before. I was stunned by how perfect all of his feature were. Beautiful, messy hair, incredible eyes,

straight nose, kissable full lips, strong jaw, clear perfect skin, perfect teeth, perfect smile. He was just too...perfect. He looked like he was a male model.

I felt the blush come up my neck into my cheeks, and quickly looked away before he caught me staring. Oh my God! He was too beautiful. I could feel my heart beat

harder. An almost painful ache was settling into my chest, and I was having difficulty breathing. I never believed in love at first sight, but I did now. As immature and

shallow and crazy as it sounds...I knew that I was in love with this angel sent from above.

Of course, I wouldn't be Bella, if I didn't hurt myself. Because I had looked away and down to avoid eye contact, I managed to hit my head on the door frame as I

was entering the back seat.

"Ow." I mumbled, rubbing my sore spot.

Alice laughed, then got in the front seat next to him. She fastened her seat belt then turned in her seat to introduce us.

"Edward, this is my friend Bella Swan! Bella, this is my cousin, Edward." She waved her hands back and forth between us.

I blushed a little and asked, "Do you go by Ed?"

He frowned and said, "No, I prefer Edward."

He said it pretty abruptly, so I thought I had angered him and blushed even redder.

"Oh, Okay! Sorry, I didn't mean to offend..." I mumbled, embarrassed.

He sighed, "Sorry, that was rude of me. I just really dislike being called 'Ed' or 'Eddie.' Is Bella short for anything?" he asked.

I nodded. "Isabella."

"What a beautiful name," he smiled at me. "Beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

My cheeks were on fire. Was he making fun of me? He had to be! Beautiful girl? Huh, was he blind? No, he was driving. Maybe just glib. He couldn't possible be

serious? I was just...to plain...to fat...to much of a klutz. He had to be making fun of me. I frowned and looked away. JERK!

I was silent for the trip to their home. I listened as Alice and Edward talked about their day. I didn't interrupt. I didn't want to draw any attention to myself. I just

wanted to crawl into a hole right now. I was so embarrassed and mad.

We got to their house and, of course, it was one of the huge country club houses along the golf course. I just kept feeling more and more inadequate.

We pulled into the driveway and Alice chirped, "Come on! Grab your stuff and let's go inside! I wanna show you may room. I'm so excited! LET'S GO!" That girl

needed to take a breath and chill out.

She grabbed my arm and started dragging me to the house. Not a good idea for me. I immediately tripped and went down. Hard. I caught myself with my hands, but

I scraped myself up pretty bad on both my hands and knees.

Edward came up behind me and helped pick me up off the ground, placing me on my feet. "Are you okay?" he asked, holding my hands and looking at the tiny drops

of blood coming from the scraps. "You're bleeding. We need to get you cleaned up."

Alice started whining, "Come on! Hurry up!"

I looked up and up at Edward. Gosh, he was tall.

"How tall are you?" I blurted.

He smiled, "6'1" and still growing."

I nodded and carefully moved away from him.

"Alice, can I get cleaned up and some bandages before the grand tour?" I begged.

Alice huffed at me, but smiled, "Of course, follow me." She didn't grab me and drag me this time.

We walked into the house and it was magnificent. So light and airy. The back wall, was all glass and looked out over a perfectly landscaped back yard, the river and

golf course. It was so breathtaking.

Esme walked through an archway, that must have led to the kitchen, because she had an apron on and looked like she was in the middle of baking.

"This must be Bella." She smiled gently at me. "Oh! What happened to your hands and knees?"

Before I could answer, Edward replied, "Alice."

I frowned and defended my friend. "No, I'm very clumsy. I tripped over my own feet and fell."

Edward just looked at me.

"Well, come in here. Let's get you cleaned up." And she led me into a small half-bath down under the grand staircase.

After getting cleaned up, Alice gave me the tour of her home. She pointed to a closed door at the end of the hall, where music was flowing out of and said, "Edwards

room." Then pulled me into her bedroom across the hall. "And last but not least, my boudoir." With a giggle and sweeping gesture, she invited me into her room.

It suited her. The walls were a pale, lavender with lime green accents. Dark purple plush carpet and cute little butterflies, dragonflies, frogs and fairies everywhere.

We kicked off our shoes and I threw my backpack on the bed. I sank gratefully into the big green beanbag chair in the corner.

Meanwhile she turned on the stereo to a local pop station and then plopped down next to me in the bean bag.

"Sorry that I made you fall and get hurt." She pouted at me.

I hugged her. "I meant what I said. It's my own fault. I'm a klutz!" I reassured her.

"Kids! Carlisle is here with the pizza!" Esme hollered up the stairs.

Alice jumped up easily and then put her hand out to me to help me out of the low chair.

"Thank you!" I giggled.

Alice ran to the door, threw it open, and took off running down stairs. She left me in her dust. I slowly followed at a safer pace. Edward came of of his room, talking

on this cell phone.

"Tanya! I can't come out tonight. We are having family night...No...No it's just family, no friends allowed...Sorry no, its Esme's rule...Well I guess if that's how you

want it...Okay, then I guess we are through...Fine, you broke up with me...Whatever. Bye."

He looked up and saw me eavesdropping. I know I was blushing to the roots of my hair.

"Did you hear that?" He asked.

I just nodded and looked away.

"Hey, do me a favor? Don't mention this to the family." He asked.

"Why? Should I not be here then? Family night? I'm just a friend."

Edward slowly walked over to me and gazed down into my eyes. "I suddenly realized just how shallow Tanya is."

He shrugged than grabbed my hand and led me to the stairs. He guided me down and into the kitchen, where Carlisle, Esme, and Alice were waiting for us.

"There you are" Alice accused. "What took you so long?"

"Sorry, I didn't feel like breaking my neck on the stairs." I smirked back.

Edward just chuckled. I loved his laugh, so low and sexy.

We all sat down for pizza, then Carlisle asked, "What do you girls have planned for the rest of the night?"

Alice giggled, "After dinner, I'm going to give Bella a make over and then we are going to watch scary movies all night long."

"What!?" I shrieked. "I did not say that you could give me a makeover."

"Oh Bella!" Alice pouted at me. "It will be fun. I'm going to give you a facial, manicure and pedicure. When I'm done you're going to feel like a princess."

"Or a life-sized Barbie doll." I grumbled.

Edward laughed and rolled his eyes at me. "You chose to be friends with the pixie, now you pay the price of that friendship."

"Yeah, but no one warned me." I whined.

He, Carlisle, and Esme just laughed at me.

I frowned. I was going to be made over tonight. This was worse than being home and ignored and hated. This was going to by pure torture.


	4. Chapter 4 The Sleepover EPOV

I sat in my Volvo, waiting for Alice and her new friend. What was taking them so long? And thin I saw them. Wow! Alice's friend was so short...I mean Alice is tiny at

5'3" and her friends was several inches shorter than her. She was all hair and eyes. She was also really pretty...though she did still look like a child. I wonder if she is

one of those child prodigy. How old was she anyway? I glanced over as Alice opened the back door for her. It looked like she stumbled and knocked her head on the

door frame.

"Ow" she said softly, rubbing her forehead. Was she blushing? I didn't know girls did that anymore.

Wow she really did have the prettiest face. Heart shaped with masses of the most beautiful long brown hair. It had some red streaks in it and it went past her waist.

Her eyes were huge too! So big, brown and ringed with thick black lashes. Tiny, pert little nose and a cupids bow mouth. Her lips were red, and pouting. Her skin was

flawless and very pale and looked so soft. She looked like a porcelain doll. As I glanced at her, I saw her blush deepen...that was just...amazing.

Alice was laughing as she got into the front seat, put her buckle on then turned towards me to make the introductions.

"Edward, this is my friend Bella Swan. Bella, this is my cousin, Edward." She was waving at us both back and forth.

Bella smiled at me. "Do you go by Ed?"

I frowned. God! I had nicknames. My parents chose to call me Edward. That's the name they gave me, that's what I wanted to be called. "No, I prefer Edward."

Bella blushed up to the roots of her hair. "Oh, Okay! Sorry, I didn't mean to offend." She was looking at her hands in her lap and she sounded like she was going to

cry.

Idiot! I yelled at myself. You didn't have to be so mean about it. I could have kicked myself. I sighed. "Sorry, that was rude of me. I just really dislike being called 'Ed'

or 'Eddie'." I tried for a softer tone. "Is Bella short for anything?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded. She had a beautiful smile. I wanted to alway make her smile. I liked it when she blushed too.

"Isabella." Again she looked down at her hands in her lap.

"What a beautiful name!" I wonder why she preferred Bella over Isabella. "Beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

Well, I managed to make her blush again, but her smile disappeared. She frowned and stared out the window, and didn't join the conversations the whole drive

home. What did I do? What did I say wrong?

Alice was so excited. As soon as I put the car in park, she started talking non-stop and grabbed Isabella and dragged her along behind her. Bella seemed to be having

a hard time keeping up with the annoying pixie. She tripped on something and fell. Hard. On her hands and knees. I caught up with them and helped Bella to her

feet. "Are you okay?" I grabbed her hands and looked down. "You're bleeding. we need to get you cleaned up."

Alice was whining. She wanted Bella's attention. But I could see the guilt on her face. She knew she was the blame for the other girls accident.

Bella looked up at me. She really was very short.

"How tall are you?" She asked with a gasp.

I smiled "6'1" and still growing."

Bella nodded and blushed again and walked away from me. She and Alice started talking and went inside.

When I got inside Aunt Esme was fussing over Isabella. "Oh, What happened to your hands and knees?"

I snickered "Alice."

Isabella frowned. "No...I'm very clumsy. I tripped over my own feet and fell."

I looked at her. Hmm...she did trip getting in the car too and bumped her head. Her clumsiness was endearing. I left them then and went up to my room. I felt like I

was crushing on a little girl. She looked so young, except for her eyes. Her eyes were so expressive...as long as she was looking at you. You could almost read her

mind, by looking into her eyes. They say that eyes are the window to the soul. If that is the case though, then Isabella has a very sad soul. Her eyes were full of

sadness and knowledge. Like she carried the weight of the world on her small shoulders. I wondered what could make her so sad.

I laid there, daydreaming about Isabella. I wondered what she would look like in a couple of years. I wondered if she would always be so short, so clumsy. Or if she

would grow out of that as she matured.

My phone rang. Ugh. It was Tanya. God I really didn't want to talk to her right now. She was such a bitch at lunch. She kept talking about this girl. Tanya loved to

gossip, but she loved to belittle people even more. I was so sick of her snotty attitude and how she picked on everyone. If was time to breakup with her.

Tanya wanted to go out...that wasn't going to happen. Then she tried to invite herself over. I just knew she would pick on Isabella...her perfect victim. By the end of

the conversations Tanya wanted it to be known that she broke up with me. That was fine be me. I really didn't care as long as I didn't have to be associated with her

anymore. We ended our conversation. When I looked up, after snapping my phone shut, I found Isabella standing right in front of me...her big brown eyes round with

shock and embarrassment.

I was embarrassed too, I didn't want her to think bad of me. "Did you hear that?" I was staring into those eyes that I couldn't seem to stop daydreaming about.

Bella nodded and looked away

I sighed. "Hey, do me a favor, dont mention this to the family."

"Why?" she asked. "Should I not be here then? Family night? I'm just a friend!"

I walked up to Isabella and looked down into her eyes. "I suddenly realized just how shallow Tanya is." I wanted to push the stray lock of hair, behind her ear, but

instead grabbed her hand and guided her downstairs to the kitchen.

"There you are" Alice exclaimed. "What took you so long?"

Bella smirked. "Sorry, I didn't feel like breaking my neck on the stairs."

I laughed. God! she was so cute.

We sat down at the table and ate our pizza. I listened as the conversation ebbed and flowed, but I was too busy watching Isabella's changing expressions to really

hear what was being said, until I saw a huge frown come over her beautiful face.

Alice was talking about giving Bella a makeover and Bella was less than thrilled.

Alice said to Bella, "When I'm done you're going to feel like a princess."

"Or a life sized Barbie doll." Bella muttered under her breath. I heard her but I don't think anyone else did. I leaned over to her and rolled my eyes at her.

"You choose to be friends with the pixie, now you pay the price of that friendship." I chuckled.

"Yeah, but no one warned me." She whimpered.

That made all of us laugh at her. Sadly she frowned and her eyes dropped to her lap. But before she lowered her eyes I saw a deep sadness, and what looked like

fear flash in her eyes.

Alice went upstairs and got all her make-up and nail polishes and then proceeded to attach Isabella.

Bella just sighed and let her go to town. She seemed to tolerate the whole process pretty well, although, how Alice could miss the look of despair on her face, was

beyond me.

When Alice finished, Isabella looked even more...amazing. She looked my age now, and it made it easier for me to picture her when she got a little older.


	5. Chapter 5 Renee, Charlie and Me

The following day, Edward offered to drive me home and I accepted, although I was embarrassed. I lived in the poor section of town. But I didn't feel like walking all

the way home.

Edward pulled up in front of my house. I turned to him and said, "Thank you for the ride." I got out of his car and walked to my front door. But before I could walk in,

Renée came out and started shouting at me.

"Isabella Marie Swan! You Slut! You told me you were staying with a girlfriend, but then you come home with a boy? Who can drive? Your only 14 years old. I have

enough to do, dealing with your stupid ass. You better not get knocked up and expect me to help you raise a baby. I don't care how much money your father pays

me, your ass will be out on the street." She fumed at me, then slammed back into the house.

I was mortified. Edward was looking at me in shock. He looked stunned.

"My mother, Renée" I sneered, "I'm so sorry that you had to hear and see that." I stuttered at him. Then I burst into tears and ran into the house, leaving Edward on

the sidewalk.

I ran up to my room, closed my door, and threw myself on the bed. I sobbed hysterically. I was so embarrassed. I couldn't believe that Edward witnessed my shame.

God! Renée was such a bitch! Sometimes I wished I was never born. I just wanted to disappear. How was I going to ever look at Edward again?

Why was I so unloveable? Why couldn't either one of my parents love me. Why did my dad, Charlie, make Renée have me, if neither one of them wanted me?

My earliest memory was the day Charlie left. I was three years old. Charlie told Renée that it was over. That he couldn't take the fighting anymore. That he couldn't

take the bullshit anymore. He couldn't stay and wouldn't take me with him. He would pay her to keep me until I turned 18. Renée screamed at him, about how she

never wanted me. She wanted to have an abortion, but Charlie insisted that she keep me and they would get married. Everything would work out. So they got

married. She carried me to term and gave birth to me, but that was the extent of the maternal love I got from Renée.

Their marriage lasted only 4 years. Charlie and Renée fought all the time, he was drinking, she was depressed. They were both unhappy and it was obvious what

caused their misery. It was all my fault. There was never a doubt in my head about that. I was to blame.

So Charlie left. I never was invited to visit him, and he didn't come back to Michigan to visit me. I never talked to him on the phone. The only acknowledgement that I

received from him was a birthday card and Christmas card each year. I stayed with Renée, but she never let me forget that I was a burden and had ruined her life.

Charlie did finally come back last year for his father's funeral. He was here for two weeks. I spent a grand total of one hour in his presence...at the

funeral...surrounded by a bunch of other family and friends mourning the loss of my grandpa (who I don't recall ever meeting).

Charlie went home to Forks, Washington without even saying goodbye. No hugs. No kisses. No I love yous. He just left.

But my relationship, or lack thereof, with Charlie, was not as bad as with Renee. The way things were with Charlie was just non-existant. Apathetic. He was a

stranger to me. There was just nothing there. There was no love, but at least there was no hate. No insults. No injury Just my hurt feelings of not being good enough,

my lack of self-esteem.

Renée, on the other hand, was there every day, every hour, every minute. Day in and day out, telling me how much she hated me. Despised me. Resented me.

Wished I was never born. Counting the years, months, days, until my 18th birthday. Right now she was doing the absolute minimum to get me to that point. The

point where, legally she is no longer responsible for me. No longer held accountable for my welfare.

If Charlie was paying child support, I was not reaping the benefit of that money.

Renée would buy the clothes I needed from second had shops. She constantly complained about my weight and size. How difficult it was to find clothes that fit me

right. She didn't take me to the doctor, unless she had no other choice. Any immunizations have always been done at the Wayne County Health Department Building.

She bought very little food and what she did buy was all junk food. Then she would turn around and tell me I shouldn't eat any of it because it will just make me fatter.

Renée also constantly told me how ugly I was. How clumsy I was. How embarrassing it was to her to have me for a daughter. She made sure I knew how unattractive

I was. How I would never have a boyfriend. She told me I was not good enough. Even when I got all A's on my report cards, it wasn't good enough. She didn't like

my laugh...it irritated her, but my tears pissed her off even more. No matter what I did, it was wrong...never good enough.

And even with all of, that I could deal with her resentment and hatred. But today she called me a "slut". She totally embarrassed me in front of Edward...and I hated

her for that.

I wished I was a real orphan. I almost felt I would be better off in the system. At least than I wouldn't get my hopes up. My stupid heart wouldn't long for the

maternal instinct to kick in. For her to suddenly accept me, like me, maybe even love me. Because dammit, she is my mother. I am blood of her blood, and she

should love me! I'm her child!

I only had four more years to change her opinion about me. To change how she feels about me...but I know in my heart of hearts, it will never happen. Renée will

never have an epiphany. She will not miraculously become a good mother, a decent human being. She will always be ruled by her avarice. The only person that

mattered to Renée, was Renée. End of story. I guess I needed to just accept that and just do the best I could, for myself, with what I had.

I decided that I was going to put some changes into affect. The first thing I needed to do, was see a doctor about my body...puberty and growth. Something might be

wrong with me and I definitely needed to get checked out. I went to the library, so I could go on-line and find a free health clinic for women. Once I found one, I

immediately made an appointment for next week Wednesday. I felt better once I decided to take action. Next on my list was money. So I decided on Monday, I would

see my guidance counselor and see if there were any jobs posted that I could do...baby sitting, house cleaning, dog walking, something...anything. Now I was on the

right track. I smiled. I was going to make my life better and the one thing I could start today, was exercise and diet.


	6. Chapter 6 A Plan in Action

On Monday I arrived at Dearborn High School early. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to walk there, so I got up extra early. My house was about two miles

from the school. It took me about half an hour to get there. Now, if I walked to and from school, I would be walking at least four miles a day. Because I was early, I

went into the guidance office to see Mrs. Cope. She had several listings for seniors in the area that needed help. So I picked a few out, and she made interviews with

them for after school. One today, one tomorrow and two on Thursday. I walked into home room and sat in my usual seat. Alice walked in and sat down next to me.

"So, Bella, Edward told me what happened when he got you home on Saturday. Are you okay?" There was nothing but concern on her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I shrugged. "I really don't have a great relationship with my mom...well either one of my parents really. But Alice, I really can't go into all that now."

"Well, if you need to talk, a shoulder to cry on, you know I will be there for you. Right?" she asked.

"Yeah, and thank you." I leaned over and gave her a big hug.

"So what happened the rest of the weekend?" I asked Alice after a brief awkward moment.

"Oh Bella!" Alice gushed, "I met someone. He's so handsome. He's a junior here and his name is Jasper Whitlock."

"Whoa, a junior?" I smiled. That was all I needed to say. After that, she talked about Jasper or Jazz as she called him, every chance she got. As we were leaving

English class later, she informed me he would be sitting with us today at lunch.

"Do you want me to make myself scarce, so you guys can be alone?" I asked.

"No way! I want you to meet him. You have to be there." Alice practically shouted.

"Okay then, see ya at lunch." I smiled and walked away.

Surprisingly, I had a really god day. I managed to stay upright all morning. I even made it to the cafeteria without mishap. I sat at our usual table. Alice showed up a

couple of minutes later with a tall blond-haired boy. He was a perfect foil to her. She was small and dark-haired, he was tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed Adonis. She was

holding his hand and dragging him toward me, so I guessed this was Jasper. Following right behind them was another couple. A beautiful blond girl who was model

perfect and a handsome dark-haired guy who looked like a Mack truck.

Alice did the introductions, "Bella, this is Jasper Whitlock, his twin sister Rosalie Whitlock, and her boyfriend Emmett McCarty. Everyone this is my best friend, Bella

Swan."

We exchanged pleasantries as the four of them sat down with me.

I listened while everyone talked, not really participating. I was so shy and didn't want to draw attention to myself. I felt like I didn't belong with these four. They were

all so beautiful and I was...well...not so much.

Through the lunch period I found out that Emmett was the captain of the Varsity football team and a senior. He had dark, curly hair, cut close and short. He had

sparkling, brown eyes, and a mischievous grin. He gave me the impression that he liked to pull practical jokes on people, and he was always teasing everyone, but in

a totally non-malicious way, just friendly and open. He was dating Rosalie, and they had been together for over a year, and were very serious about each other.

Rosalie was a junior like her brother, Jasper, and they shared a lot of the same features. Both were blond, with dark, blue jean colored eyes, perfect pale skin, and

both model perfect. Rosalie's hair was as long as mine, hanging past her waist, in blond ripples. She was also much taller than me, standing at 5'10" and very

slender. Long legs, and a big chest. She was a complete knockout, and she knew it. Come to find out, Rosalie had done some modeling and was hoping to do that for

as long as possible before settling down, getting married and having a bunch of children.

Like I said about Jasper, he was the male version of Rosalie. He was just over 6 feet tall, same blond hair, a little curly, and cut in a kinda surfer style, a little longer

and shaggier than most guys wore it. It kinda flopped in his face, but in a sexy way. He was cut too, but he didn't really play any sports. He was artistic and sensitive.

He spent a lot of time painting. His personality just soothed you, he was so calm...mellow. Alice raved about his art work, and I was curious.

When lunch was over, we all went our separate ways, except Alice and I, because we had choir. When we got to class, we saw that we had a substitute teacher. We

got a free hour, so Alice and I sat and talked. She asked about my mom and dad and I filled her in on what they were really like.

"So, when you asked for Esme and Carlisle to adopt you, you were serious, weren't you?" Alice finally asked.

"Yeah" I frowned. "Alice you're so lucky! Your parents are so nice." I smiled sadly. Then I told Alice about my plans to improve myself, and she was happy for me and

proud of me taking the initiative to do something to improve my situation. She hugged me and wished me luck on my job interviews.

Choir was over so I told Alice, "See ya tomorrow!" And we took off to our last class of the day.

After school, I walked to my first interview. This one was with a senior who needed her house cleaned weekly. She would pay me $40.00 to work for four hours. It

was agreed that I would come over every Monday after school.

The other three interviews went about the same, and I had it set up to go to a different house on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.

On Wednesday I went to my doctor's appointment. I was a nervous wreck, imagining all types of horrible scenarios in my head. But the doctor was very nice and

explained that I was normal and within the normal range for my developement. We discussed my concerns and she decided to put me on birth control pills to jump-

start my hormones.

The pills worked too, or it was finally just my time. Between walking to and from school, my after school jobs and eating healthier, I started losing weight. I also

started growing taller, my body weight redistributing as my body lengthened. The only drawback with my changing body and hormonal changes was that I was more

emotional.

Being emotional made me an easy target, as it was easier to make me cry. Sometimes I cried over the stupidest things too, it was downright embarrassing

sometimes.

Although I was losing weight and was feeling better about my body, I seemed to still draw the attention of the bullies.

Now that Alice was so preoccupied with Jasper, I was left to my own devices more often. I wasn't really comfortable sitting with her at lunch now because she and

Jasper would be all google-eyed at each other, and though Emmett and Rosalie were never mean to me, they too were too much into each other to really notice me. I

started to spend lunch period in the library to avoid them all.

When I was alone, either in class or the hallways, I was the number one target. Everyone would pick on me, and once one person started it was like an avalanche,

and everyone joined in.

The harder I worked on improving myself and my life the worse the bullies got.

When would I ever catch a break?


	7. Chapter 7 Spiraling Down

I have to admit it. I was a stalker. I knew every class he was in and where each classroom was located. Every single after school activity he participated in...a

member of S.A.D.D. the Pioneer Players (the drama club), and yearbook committee. Not to mention sports...track, basketball and baseball. I watched him and hid

from him. My crush was getting out of control.

I would look for him every time I was in the halls and prayed he wouldn't see me mooning after him.

I watched him date a different girl, what seemed like, every other week. Tanya, Lauren, Jessica, Lizzy, Rachel to name a few. The list goes on and on.

When I wasn't working, I would go to his games or meets and watch him. He was so graceful and so good at everything he did. I would have joined one of the clubs

he was in, but I had made the commitment to work, so that was out. Besides, I needed the money more at this point. I wanted to get a cell phone.

The only time I really got to see him and he saw me was when he would play the piano for the choir at concerts. He played the piano like a master. It would send

chills down my spine, listening to him play. And I loved watching his hands move over the keys, gliding, stroking...caressing. God! It was so sensual. I wanted his

hands on me.

It was during this time of hide and seek with my unrequited crush, that I started pulling away from Alice. I didn't want to go to her house and see him. I definitely

didn't want to spend a lot of time with Alice and Jasper...exploring their new love for each other. And quite frankly, Emmett and Rosalie scared me...they were too

perfect, beautiful and popular for the likes of me.

So I pulled away...or tried to, but Alice wouldn't let me go too far. We agreed that we would hang out on the days I didn't have to clean...Wednesdays and Saturdays.

Just the two of us. Doing whatever, girl stuff, talking, catching up, gossiping.

I lived for my Alice days!

I started spending lunch time in the library. That's how I met Karen. She was an enigma to me. She barely talked, but she could get her point across to you. She had

this goth/emo vibe about her. Her hair was white, with chunky electric blue streaks in it. It was razor cut, and dead straight and hung down to her shoulder blades.

She was really pretty, but she wore her makeup heavy. With so much eyeliner and mascara, her eyes almost looked like little black holes in her face. Her clothes

were all black with absolutely no colors. She also wore a black dog collar with silver studs, and matching cuffs, and silver rings on every finger and both of her

thumbs. Karen also had several piercings...one in her nose, eyebrow, 10 in her left ear, five in her right, her belly button and a couple that you couldn't see, which I

admit, intrigued me.

Although we were so physically different, Karen got me. She understood things that Alice never could. I think she had an abusive parent too. It doesn't have to be

physical abuse, it could be emotional too.

Karen is the one who introduced me to a different world...a different outlook...a different coping mechanism. Karen introduced me to a whole slew of different drugs.

Some would make me happy and hyper, make my heart race. Some caused me to be lethargic, some made me feel like nothing could touch me or bother me, and

some, the hallucinogenic, made me see crazy ass shit and scared me senseless. I tried everything at least once. Most of it I hated, but weed, well, it gave me a nice

buzz and blurred the edges. Everyone's insults just rolled off of me when I was smoking weed. Edward's harem faded away into insignificance when I was stoned. Life

was, not better, but at least more tolerable.

Through Karen I met Marcus. He was beautiful in his own way. His hair was a little long and pitch black. He had really pale skin, like me, like he never went into the

sun. His eyes were naturally brown, but he preferred wearing these red contacts, and he never left home without eyeliner on. He also, only wore black clothes, black

leather jacket and black army boots.

I really couldn't figure out what Marcus saw in me, but he seemed to like me. Enough to talk to me, laugh with me, hold my hand and hug me.

We spent a lot of time in the hall where all the shop classes were held, called "E" hall. We would spend lunch period with Karen, and another guy named Aro, sitting

on the floor, in the hall, picking apart our food, talking, and laughing. Marcus would usually have me sit in between his legs with his arms around me, and a lot of

times he would softly kiss me. His lips were so soft, and made my heart beat harder. When I was with him, I almost forgot about Edward. Almost.

But Marcus was a gentlemen, and never pushed me to do anything else. He seemed to enjoy kissing me almost as much I enjoyed him kissing me.

After a while I saw a pattern emerge, of when Marcus would most often kiss me. He was most attentive when Aro was around.

Aro was another goth/emo, and like Karen, didn't really talk to anyone. He just sat with us and listened to the rest of us talk and joke around. He definitely never

approached us either, Marcus, usually invited him to hang with us, and with a shrug he would.

After some soul-searching, and questioning of Marcus' motives I was quite certain. I knew what was going on and surprisingly I wasn't hurt by it. Marcus was in love

with Aro. Maybe it was because I still loved Edward, that I could see the yearning and desire in his eyes. I know I couldn't get Edward off my mind, even when Marcus

was kissing me. No matter what I did, no matter how high I got, Edward, was firmly embedded in my heart. My one true desire. And I could see that Marcus also had

a true desire, and it wasn't me.

Marcus and I really need to have a talk about this.

"Hey Marcus" I smiled at him as I took his hand. "Come with me please."

Marcus looked at me confused.

"Marcus, You know I like you? Right?" I asked.

"Uhmm, Yeah Bella, I like you too." he sounded uncomfortable. I knew I was right about this.

"Marcus, I have a feeling, that I'm missing something important. Physically, that you need." I sighed. This was hard! "It's not something that I will ever be able to do

for you. I just don't have all the right parts."

He looked dumbfounded, and color was seeping up his neck into his cheeks. "What are you trying to say, Bella?"

"Marcus, do you find me physically attractive? Or am I safe?"

I could see him struggling to answer my question without hurting me.

"Do you find Aro physically attractive?" I asked softly.

I felt his body stiffen and a look of panic spread over his face. I could see he was going to deny everything, so I gently placed my finger over his lips and shook my

head.

"Marcus, you don't have to answer me...just acknowledge it to yourself and then do whats right for you." I leaned into him and softly kissed his lips. "I gotta get to

class, see you later."

As I walked away, I hoped that Marcus would be able to admit what he wanted and act on it. I realized, too, that if Marcus did figure it out and got together with Aro,

I would be ridiculed. But this was more important. Besides whats one more insult thrown into the mix?

Little did I know.

Marcus and Aro came out, letting everyone who saw them see how much in love they were with each other.

I became the fat, ugly girl who made men gay. How stupid! Ignorant assholes. You're born gay! It's not a decision you make, it's who you are.

The ridicule and insults were worse than I thought, so I started hitting up Karen more often. I swear I don't know how I managed to get through that first marking

period of highschool. I was so stoned all the time.

But manage I did. But something had to give, this was too hard. I needed to get cleaned up. To focus and concentrate on the big picture. I needed to get away from

this shit town and these ass holes.

I decided I needed a better coping technique. I called Alice and asked her what she thought about yoga. She didn't know much.

"I want to take yoga classes, but the only time I have off is Wednesday and Fridays. Seeing as that is our day, I was wondering if you would like to take a yoga class

with me." I brought this up on the next Alice day. "Would you want to do this with me?"

Alice agreed and took care of enrolling us in a class on my available days.

At first it was really hard, but as our bodies became accustomed to the positions and movements, it got easier. I noticed that the last of the baby fat that I had been

carrying around on my small frame was burned off. My muscles were toning up and I looked fit. The only problem was that I was actually more curvy now then

before. Alice called it an hourglass figure...I thought I still came off as being fat.

Alice and her family went away over Christmas break. I wished that I could have gone with them, I longed to get away. I was avoiding Karen, trying to stay clean, so

I was alone over the holidays.

Once we came back from Christmas break all anyone could talk about was the spring formal. This glorious event was happening at the end of March, so was still

almost four months away.

Alice and I had a big project for English that we were working on. We had to get together more often, so that we could work on it. That's how I ended up at the Cullen

house on a Sunday. Of course, Edward, was there but wouldn't know that I was coming over, as I never visited on Sundays.

The look of shock on his face, when he opened the front door...was...heartbreaking. He didn't look happy to see me.

"Isabella? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Alice and I have a project due that we have to work on." I stated and swept by him and went up the stairs to Alice's room.

I didn't give him a chance to say anything else to me. He hurt me with his attitude at the door.

Alice and I worked for a couple of hours and finished our work. When we went down to the kitchen to get a snack, Esme was pulling brownies out of the oven.

"Oh! Those smell so good! Esme, I haven't had homemade brownies in...forever." I moaned.

"Well, Help yourself! Oh! Edward, do you want a brownie? They just came out of the oven." Esme asked.

Edward had walked in and looked around at all of us. His eyes landed on me as I was reaching for a treat and caught my eye. Then his eyes slid down my body

then back up to my face. When he looked me in the eye again he had a smirk on his face.

I lost my appetite.

"You know what? I got to go!" I said in a rush, and quickly left the kitchen. I practically ran up the stairs to Alice's room to grab my stuff. I needed to get out of here.

As I came back down the stairs, Esme was waiting for me.

"What happened in there, Bella?" She asked.

I shrugged. "I changed my mind. I don't need all those calories. I'm fat enough as it is."

Esme's face looked sad, "Bella, honey, if you want a brownie, one won't hurt you. Besides you're not fat, don't let anyone tell you that. You are a lovely young lady."

I shrugged again and just said "I got to go. See you." And left.

As soon as I was outside and safe from prying eyes, I started crying and I slowly trudged home.


	8. Chapter 8 Brown Eyed Girl EPOV

I admit it. I avoided her after the incident with her mother.

To be honest, I couldn't believe a parent would say shit like that to their own child. I mean to call Isabella a "slut"? and to imply that we had sex? I know she

doesn't know me, but does she even know her own daughter?

I mean I already feel like a big enough pervert. Isabella is really pretty, but she still looks like a little girl...she has to grow up a bit first. I was shocked to find

out that she is 14 years old, she definitely looks younger. Hmm, not too far advanced, but she was a head of me by a year. If she stays on track then she will

graduate at 17.

So, yeah, I avoided her. But I couldn't get her big, brown eyes off my mind.

I would see Isabella during the choir concerts, because I had agreed to accompany them, on the piano. I was pretty good...I got asked to play by a lot of different

people for a multitude of reasons.

I had hoped that she would seek me out, talk to me. She never did. Maybe that was a good thing though. I was so torn...I wanted to see Isabella, but she just

seemed so young.

It was a relief when Alice met Jasper. They met the same weekend that the "incident" happened. Maybe it was just coincidence, but for whatever reason, Bella didn't

seem to want to hang out with Alice anymore. Maybe Jasper was like so many other people that we went to school with, and he was mean to Isabella.

Alice and Isabella decided to have two days a week, when they would hang out, just the two of them without any boyfriends around. Wednesday and Saturday

became "Bella" day, and I would either lock myself in my room or disappear for the day. I wanted to see her so bad, but knew it was wrong.

Deep down, I hoped Isabella would join some after school activities and end up joining one that I was in, so I would have a legitimate reason to see her and talk to

her. Without having to seek her out...without Alice around. But she never did. I finally asked Alice about that, why see didn't join any activities, sports, or go to

dances. Come to find out Isabella worked most days after school, cleaning houses for the elderly. Wow.

Sometimes I thought I saw her at some of my track meets, but it always seemed she was leaving, walking away. Maybe I was just imagining her there.

According to Alice, Isabella was avoiding her at school. She was a little hurt, but assumed that Bella was giving her space and privacy with Jasper.

That must have been the catalyst.

Isabella started hanging with the wrong crowd...kids known to do drugs. I watched in despair as she seemed to teeter on the edge, and then slowly slide down...on

the wrong side.

My heart broke to see her brown eyes, out of focus, stoned. She moved around the school like a zombie, a ghost of the girl she used to be.

Isabella seemed to settle in with this group of kids. She even started dating one of the guys, Marcus. I'm not sure what she saw in him, he was a little creepy. He

wore red contacts and eyeliner! Was he trying to pass himself off as a vampire? Now, whenever I saw her in the halls of school she was either holding hands with him

or swapping spit. It was like they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Was he a closet pedophile?

I was jealous. And that pissed me off. I wanted to be the guy kissing her...was I a closet pedophile? I would help her stop the drugs. God! She needed to stop taking

drugs! Maybe if her head was on straight and she wasn't spaced out on drugs, she wouldn't be with that guy.

And then things changed for the worse. Marcus and some other guy, named Aro, came out as a gay couple. How could he? How could Marcus do that to Isabella? How

could he embarrass her that way? She was dumped by a guy...for another guy. She was dumped in the most spectacular, shocking, gossip-inducing way. Not only did

she no longer have a boyfriend, but she was replaced with another guy. The things that the kids in school said about her were so disgusting and hurtful. I hurt for

her. I cried for her. I was devastated for her.

I could see that Isabella was hurting and she withdrew into herself even more. There was never a smile on her face, her head always down, trying to get through the

crowds of kids hell-bent on destroying her emotionally.

I could tell the drug use was getting worse. She moved through the school in a haze of whatever she was taking. Sometimes she looked too stoned to even function.

But, she never missed a day. Never missed a class. No matter how bad it got, the taunts and torments, stoned, or with tears in her sober, sad eyes, she was there.

During this time, Alice still had her bi-weekly get-together with her, so Alice and I had a conversation about helping Isabella.

"Alice, I 'm worried about your friend, Isabella." I started.

Alice nodded, "I know. She's really messed up about this whole Marcus thing. And those ignoramus idiots in our school, saying that she turned him gay. I mean,

please! Like he had a choice! They are so mean...so relentless."

"You know she's doing drugs?" I asked her.

"No! Not Bella!" Her eyes were as big as saucers as she shook her head vehemently.

"I'm sorry Alice, but yes she is, and it's getting really bad...people are noticing...she could get in trouble. We..." I cleared my throat, "You need to help her...get her

some help or something."

Alice just nodded, tears forming. "I don't know how to help her." Her voice broke and she burst into tears. "How...how do I... what do I...I don't know what t-to d-

do." Now her entire little body was shaking with her sobs.

I pulled her into my arms and hugged her. "I know, but we will come up with something.. We have to. We have to help her." I set my chin on the top of her head and

rubbed her back, trying to comfort her...trying to comfort myself.

Alice came up with yoga...I stand corrected, Isabella came up with yoga. According to Alice, Bella knew she had a problem and decided to fix it herself, enlisting

Alice's help.

God! She is so smart, so strong and brave, so determined. To recognize and admit she had a problem. To come up with a solution and get help. To implement and

stick to it. To look forward, and never back. She was simply...incredible.

Through all of this, everything she did, I fell even more in love with her. I admired her so much.

All I wanted was Isabella...but she was still too young in my mind. I dated, but just couldn't find anyone to hold my interest.

I picked girls that physically, didn't resemble her. Most of them couldn't hold a conversation either. The minute something negative came out of their mouth about

Isabella, I broke it off.

I was frustrated. Why did everyone hate her so much? Why was it the goal of almost every jock to bring her to tears? I just didn't understand their games. And why

couldn't I step forward and defend her? I was such a coward. I enjoyed my popularity too much to just throw it away. I acknowledged it. I'm a conceited pig, and no

better than the rest of the jerks in this stupid school. I never actually picked on her...but I didn't stop anyone else from doing it either.

Christmas break was a relief. My family went on a cruise in the Bahamas. Two weeks, away from Michigan...away from snow...away from Isabella. Unfortunately, I

couldn't stop thinking about her, she was always on my mind. Break was not nearly long enough.

When we got back, Isabella, and the plots to make her cry, took a backseat to Spring Formal. Everyone was talking about it and planning for it. At Dearborn High,

only seniors were allowed to go to the prom, for everyone else, you got the Spring Formal.

Personally, I wasn't worried about the dance, it was over three months away. Finals, on the other hand, were in a couple of weeks away.

Girls kept hitting on me, dropping hints that they wanted me to ask them out to the dance. One girl, Irina, had made it her personal mission to get me. she didn't

even wait for me to ask. She asked me and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. She was relentless in her pursuit. I finally agreed, just to get her off my case.

The Sunday before finals began, there was a knock at the front door. I don't know why I thought it would be Irina, but I most certainly wasn't expecting Isabella. It

was a Sunday. She never came over on Sundays.

"Isabella? What are you doing here?" I wasn't prepared to see her.

"Alice and I have a project due that we have to work on." She stated.

She looked pissed off, and brushed by me and went right up the stairs to Alice's room.

What did I do? Whatever. I went to my piano and lost myself in my music. I completely lost track of time.

The delicious smell of baking chocolate pulled me from my reverie. I realized it had been a couple of hours since I sat down and started playing. I looked up at the

sound of Alice and Isabella coming downstairs, but they went straight into the kitchen.

I followed the girls into the kitchen and came in just as Isabella moaned. God that sounded sexy!

"Oh those smell so good! Esme, I haven't had homemade brownies in...forever." Bella moaned again.

"Well, help yourself!" Esme smiled at me, "Oh, Edward, do you want a brownie? They just came out of the oven."

Isabella was just reaching for one and she looked up at me. I looked back at her in the eyes and realized she was taller than I remembered. In fact she was the same

height as Alice now. I looked down her body and immediately realized that was not the only change. Her body was...curvy. In all the right places. She looked...grown

up...sexy as all get out. Damn!

When I looked back up into her eyes, I realized she was watching me. I was embarrassed to be caught checking her out, so I just smirked and shrugged.

A blush rose into her cheeks and her eyes looked pained. "You know what? I got to go!" And she turned and left the room, without taking a brownie.

What? Did she think I was being critical? I'm such an ass.

Esme left the room with the tray of brownies, but soon came back and she looked really upset.

"I don't know what just happened here, Edward," she sighed, "but you better fix it. This is Bella's safe haven and I will not allow you to hurt her."

I ran my hands through my perpetually messy hair and defended. "I didn't do anything."

"Well, all I know is Bella left, and she said she was too fat to have a brownie. She was in tears, Edward, and you need to apologize to her." Esme looked close to tears

herself.

I practically ran out the front door looking for her, but she was already gone. How did she disappear so fast? Man! I really screwed up this time.


	9. Chapter 9 Spring Formal

God! I'm so sick of the "Spring Formal," I could puke. I'm sick of all the stupid girls, squealing about who just asked them out. I'm sick of the discussion of these girls

of whether they should or shouldn't have sex with so and so. I'm sick of those same girls, snidely asking me if I have a date. But most of all, I'm sick to death of

not being good enough to even be asked to go. I think I really am the only girl, that won't be going to that stupid dance.

Once again, I, Bella Swan, am not good enough. Story of my life.

Rosalie and Emmett were going. Alice and Jasper too...of course. Karen had a date with some guy named Karl, that she has been with for awhile. Even Marcus and

Aro were going. And of course, Edward was going. He was taking some popular girl named, Irina.

Of course they were perfect for each other. She was just as beautiful as him. Irina looked like a Barbie doll. Straight as a ruler, silvery blond hair, that fell to her

shoulders in a razor cut bob. Ice blue eyes, surrounded by long dark eyelashes, tiny nose and full red lips. She, of course, had perfectly straight teeth too. Her body,

in my opinion was too thin, she looked like an anorexic model, but she was tall and wore all the latest fashions. Everything looked good on her.

Irina was not a nice girl. Let's be real, she is a downright bitch, with a reputation of a whore. She didn't have any girl friends, no one could trust her as far as they

could throw her. She was the type of girl that made fun of, and ridiculed everyone, to make herself look and feel better. Guys, on the other hand, well, she always

had a boyfriend. She hopped from one relationship to the next, without pause or care. Every guy wanted to date her, but of course she only went out with the

best...that's why I'm sure she agreed to go with Edward, and I guess if that's really the type of girl he wants to be with...

The weeks leading up to the dance were torturous. I just wanted it all to be over.

Alice and Rosalie made me go shopping with them. They wouldn't take "no" for an answer, and so planned all of their shopping trips on my Alice days. I had

the pleasure of helping them pick out dresses, shoes, and accessories. It took more than one shopping trip to get everything they needed. The whole time Alice kept

trying to convince me that I should get a dress, "just in case". Just in case of what? The second coming of Christ? That was more likely to happen then someone

asking me out. Hmmph!

One good thing came of these shopping trips though. My friendship with Rosalie flourished. She really seemed to like me and she shared a lot of things with both me

and Alice. She talked about her relationship with Emmett. Her worries about him going away next year to college and leaving her behind. She was worried about all

the co-eds he would be meeting and partying with. I was surprised by how unsure she was of herself.

"Bella, every girl goes through phases where they don't like themselves. Where they have low self-esteem. Even me. I'm human, and I'm in love. My boyfriend, my

love, is leaving me to start a new life, without me. I'm scared that we won't be able to stay together, when we are so far apart." She told me.

"But Rosalie, you are so beautiful. How could you ever doubt that? Doubt that guys desire you? How can you doubt that Emmett loves you, and will stay true to you?"

I asked.

"Well, Emmett could grow away from me and I guess I would have to accept that, but not without a fight." She giggled. "But, let me tell you, as far as the

rest is concerned, well, teenagers can be cruel. Especially teenage boys. The haven't got a clue. They think with their dicks. Take my ex, Royce. He is the worst case

imaginable.

Royce devastated any self-confidence I had in myself and almost destroyed me completely. It took me a long time to get over what he did to me, physically,

mentally, and emotionally. He made me feel worthless and he treated me like shit. He had me believing I was lucky to have him...lucky that he didn't treat me worse.

He did horrible things to me and...well...he ended up raping me. He tried to make me believe it was my fault, but that was the last straw. I left him...reported him to

the police.

It was embarrassing because they made me go to the hospital. But in the end he was arrested." Her voice had lowered to a whisper.

"For the longest time after, I was afraid. Afraid of all guys in general, and afraid to trust myself. Then I met Emmett." Now she had a small smile on her face.

"Emmett is the best thing to ever happen to me and I love him."

"Thank you Rosalie." I said, taking her hand in mine. "Thank you for sharing that with me...for reminding me...things could be worse. I should be grateful for what I

have. Grateful, that I haven't had to go through something like that."

We hugged and cried together. From that day forward, we had a special bond. And because we became such good friends, I spent more time with Emmett.

Emmett became like a big brother to me. He was very protective of me, and when he was around, no one dared to pick on me.

I even gave Jasper a chance and found we had a lot of things in common. We both loved reading, writing poetry, art and music. We had the same taste in music too!

Nobody else could understand our fascination with 80's one hit wonders, and Pop Up Video on VH1.

So even though I wasn't going to the dance, I was at the Cullen house that Saturday. Alice and Rosalie insisted that they needed my help to get ready. Other than the

fact that I was sad that I wasn't going, I really did want to spend the time with them as they got ready. Talking, giggling, and gossiping.

I was living vicariously through them.

The day actually started with all three of us at the spa. I just got a mani/pedi, but Alice and Rose got the works.

We walked out of the salon and they both looked like princess'. Their hair curled and styled to perfection.

We went back to Alice's house and up to her room. I watched them do their makeup then I helped them into their dresses. Zipping, tucking in and hooking up.

They both picked out the most amazing dresses. And the dresses suited them, like they were made with them in mind.

Alice wore an incredible black and silver dress with cut outs in strategic places. It was figure hugging and strapless. The skirt came down to right above the knee. She

wore black stockings with the seam in the back with silver six inch platform stilettos. Only Alice!

Rosalie's dress was red. Fire engine red, with thin spaghetti straps. It was backless with a full skirt and handkerchief hemline. Her shoes were also silver, but

strappy and not quite so high. Rose, was almost as tall as Emmett, so she didn't need help in that department.

The boys showed up and so I went downstairs to join them and wait for Alice and Rose to come down. They were each going to make a grand entrance.

Jasper and Emmett both looked very handsome in their suits. It's interesting to see people, guys, dressed up, when you're used to seeing them dressed casually. In

their suits, they both looked good enough to eat.

We three were standing in the living room, next to the grand piano, talking to Carlisle and Esme, when Edward walked in. I hadn't seen him since the incident with

the brownie, so I wasn't feeling very warm or fuzzy towards him. I glanced up when he walked in, then looked away, continuing my conversation with Jasper. I

didn't acknowledge him, or look at him. Just ignored him as best I could.

Rosalie came down first and everybody oohed and aahed. Then Alice came prancing in, with more oohs and aahs and exclamations of how great, how sophisticated

they all looked...all dressed up.

"Pictures!" Esme beamed. "We have to get some pictures of all of you!"

The five of them stood together and Esme looked at me. "Bella, you should be in the picture too!"

"Well, I think I would spoil the picture." I said. "I'm not dressed up pretty and I don't have a date so I would look off in them, don't you think?"

I know that Esme was just trying to include me, so I wasn't hurt or offended by this. But I still felt a twinge of pain...of sadness. All of my friends were off to the big

dance without me.

I plastered a smile on my face and took pictures of the whole group of them, including Carlisle and Esme. we went outside, to the back garden and got some really

great shots of each couple and some more group shots.

Then Edward said he had to go pick up Irina and he left, causing a general exodus as the two happy couples left on their way too. I was alone with Carlisle and Esme.

I handed the camera back to Carlisle and mumbled, "I guess I should get going too."

The smile had faded off my face and I was getting ready to leave, when something caught my attention on the golf course. I vaguely heard the camera clicking,

though I wasn't really paying attention. I turned to look at them and Carlisle just shrugged and put his arm around my shoulders, leading me into the house.

"Hey Kiddo! Do you want me to drive you home?" He asked.

"No, Thank you Carlisle." I smiled, "It's not that far a walk, besides, I don't have any plans for tonight. I could use the exercise and it's a nice night out so I will just

walk. I could use the fresh air."

I gave them each a hug, grabbed my stuff, and started the trek home.

I didn't consider that there would be a lot of kids driving around...noticing me walking alone. But a lot did. They thought it very amusing to honk and yell at me that I

was a "fat loser."

When I got home, I went right up to my room, avoiding Renée and Phil. I soon realized why. Her bedroom was directly under mine, on the main floor. The moaning,

groaning, and screaming, not to mention the steady thump, thump, thump on the wall, let me know.

"Ugh!" Why? Why was everyone paired off but me? Could this night get any more miserable? I wasn't going to take any chances. I put my ear buds in, turned my

mp3 player as loud as it would go, and zoned out to 80's pop.


	10. Chapter 10 Summer of Love

The school year was winding down. We just had Memorial weekend then one week of classes, then finals.

I had no idea what I was going to do all summer. I was too young still to get a regular job. The endless summer days stretched out in front of me.

Carlisle and Esme were hosting a big barbeque at the country club pool. I was actually looking forward to going, I enjoyed swimming. It was impossible to trip over

and fall in the deeper water and I was a really good swimmer.

That Monday morning, the sun rose hot and white in the sky. It was going to be a scorcher...a perfect day to play in the water.

Alice asked Rosalie and I over to her house early so we could all get ready together. They both agreed that I should wear a bikini, but I still wasn't comfortable with

my body, so I chose a bright green one piece. It really only covered my front and my butt...my back was completely exposed. I wore a pair of white, denim cutoffs

and neon pink flip-flops. I also had a big white straw hat to shade me from the sun. I wore my hair in a thick braid down the center of my back.

Once we got to the country club, I noticed a bulletin board with flyers and announcements on it. I was checking it out to see if I could find a summer job of some sort,

when a pair of flyers caught my attention. One was for diving lessons and the other was for water ballet classes. Both were being held here week-day mornings, one

right after the other.

I wondered whether I could do them without being a member of the club...probably not.

I went to the front desk to ask and the nice lady told me regretfully I had to be a member.

Alice said she would talk to her dad about it. She was sure that he could do something to help me out.

The barbeque was fun, it was mostly adults, colleagues of Carlisle's and their families. There were only a few people from our school, outside our usual group. Edward

came, but his girlfriend, Irina, couldn't make it. She had some kind of family obligation that she couldn't get out of.

Boo Hoo!

Between being thrown in, tossed around and being dunked by Emmett and Jasper, I was pretty water-logged. But it was all in fun. Not to mention playing chicken.

Rosalie had refused to get her hair wet, because she had a modeling job next week, so I ended up on Emmett's shoulders, trying to knock Alice and any other

challengers down. Emmett and I were undefeated. We went up against several couples and we always won.

I loved the fact, too, that Rosalie stood on the side of the pool and cheered us on. There was no jealousy there. She watched Emmett and I play together and egged

us on more.

At times we were laughing so hard, my sides hurt. The four of us were splashing and yelling so much that we kept everyone present, laughing at our antics.

I was having so much fun, that I didn't pay attention to Edward or notice the eyes that were looking a me...watching me.

The party lasted all day and everyone was feeling a little crispy as we were leaving. Carlisle took me aside, as the evening came to a close.

"Bella, let me drive you home. I need to talk to you." Carlisle said.

"Okay. Let me just grab my bag and then I will be ready." I smiled. I was feeling pretty content today. I remembered to keep plenty of sunblock on my skin, so I

wasn't too red, and I had a blast playing in the pool with my friends.

"Bella, Alice told me about the diving lessons and water ballet class here that you were interested in. I took the liberty of buying you a summer pass for the country

club. You have access to all of their amenities from now until Labor Day weekend. I also enrolled you in both classes. I hope that's okay?" He questioned.

"Really?" My voice squeaked. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You have no idea how much that means to me." I don't think I have ever smiled so big.

I was jumping up and down clapping my hands. I'm sure I looked like a six-year-old, but I didn't care. I gave Carlisle a big hug.

"Bella, I'm so glad that you're happy. Esme and myself, well, we wish we could do more for you. We love you. We just want to see you happy." Carlisle walked me to

his car and opened the door for me.

"You need some happiness in your life. It's a pleasure to be able to do this for you."

* * *

The school year finally came to a close. I somehow managed to get straight A's for the whole year and perfect attendance. They had an awards ceremony during the

last week of school. Edward, Alice and Jasper were all there getting awards as well.

I of course tripped and almost fell when they called my name to receive my award and there was a lot of laughter at my expense. And of course, I had no family to

cheer me on, but the Cullens made up for that.

After the ceremony I saw Edward with Irina. She saw me look over at them and decided she would put me in my place.

"Hey Clumsy!" She snickered. "Keep your eyes off my boyfriend." She was full-out laughing now. "Like you would have a hope in Hell of ever getting a guy to fall for

your fat ass." She pulled Edward away.

I can't believe he didn't stop her. He didn't even mention that he knew me. I guess I really was nothing to him. Not even a friend worth defending. I wanted to cry.

All of my insecurities rose up and I was miserable. Slow tears started and then those popular kids that witnessed Irina's verbal attack all started in on me too. I was

being bombarded from all sides, with no friends around and no safe haven. The last thing I saw Edward do was turn around and witness my complete degradation, as

I burst into tears and ran out of there.

Thankfully it was summer break now. Hopefully I could avoid all of the idiots for a couple of months.

* * *

The country club pools opened at 8am every day. My diving lesson was from 9am to 10am and water ballet was from 10:30am to noon.

I decided to swim lengths every morning before my lessons. I was basically in the pool every day from 8am to noon.

That's how I met Demetri Athenodoro. He was a life guard at the pool. He was home for the summer after having finished his first year of college.

Demetri was ruggedly handsome, tall 6'3", and had thick muscles. He looked like he was a body builder. Being of Greek descent, he had naturally black, wavy hair

and he wore it a little long so it curled at the ends on his neck and around his ears. He had dark brown eyes that almost looked black, and olive-toned skin that

looked darker every day that he spent in the sun.

Though Demetri was really good-looking, what really drew my attention to him, was how good he was with all the younger children. He would get down in the water

with them and show them how to kick and move their arms. How to float and swim, and how to tread water. All the little children adored him.

Usually when I got to the pool in the morning, we were the only two people there. We started talking and getting to know each other.

Demetri was really outgoing with the children, but he was shy with me. I thought that was cute. I don't know why I made him nervous, but it seemed that I did.

It was almost July before he finally asked me out.

For our first date we were going to see 4th of July fireworks.

I was excited. Renée had never taken me to see fireworks live. I had seen them on T.V. and I have seen my neighbors light some off, but this was a first. I couldn't

wait.

Demetri was surprised when I told him that. He couldn't believe I had never been. It seemed to make him more excited too!

He decided to take me to Kensington Metro Park, out in Milford. He said we should get there early, so we made it an all day thing.

Demetri picked me up at 1pm and we headed out.

I was amazed at how crowded the beaches and picnic areas were. There were people everywhere. We found a spot near the beach, but back on the grass in the

shade. It was a really hot day, almost in the 100's and very humid.

After laying down our blankets and unpacking we decided to go for a swim. I pulled out the sun block, and started putting it on my legs, arms, chest and face.

Demetri offered to do my back so I turned away as he spread the lotion over my shoulders and back. His fingers were firm and dipped slightly beneath my suit, slowly

covering my entire back.

Demetri took my hand and smiled shyly at me as we walked down to the water's edge. The water was warm, probably because it had been so hot out the last couple

of weeks.

We waded in, and went out as far as they allowed. The swimming area was marked off with rope and buoys. At the ropes the water was deep on me, almost over my

head, but only came up to Demetri's shoulders.

We swam around splashing and playing for a while. Demetri swam away from me and waved at me. I waved back as I did a somersault in the water.

When I came back up to the surface, Demetri had disappeared. I turned in a circle to see if I could find him. I felt a hand grab my ankle, then slide up my leg.

Demetri popped up out of the water, much closer to me than ever before. His hands moved to my backside and he pulled me even closer, so that my whole body was

pressed into his.

"Bella, you're so pretty, and so nice." He whispered. "So tempting...so kissable..." he finished by placing his lips to mine.

I was momentarily stunned, but felt the heat pooling in my belly, and realized, I wanted this. Wanted him to kiss me.

His lips looked soft, but were so firm as he deepened the kiss. Licking and nipping at my lower lip.

I sighed and opened for him and his tongue touched my teeth then pushed forward to play with mine.

"Uhm, you taste as good as you look." He murmured, as he pulled away.

I smiled and blinked up at him, suddenly remembering we were in the lake in front of a lot of people. Strangers, but none the less, a lot of people.

God! That kiss felt hot! I blushed and looked around, but no one was looking at us or paying us any attention.

"Come on, let's go back up to the blanket for a while." Demetri tugged my hand and pulled me from the water.

I felt my nipples harden even more as my body left the water and the slight breeze blew across my wet bathing suit.

I could practically feel his eyes looking me over. It was almost like he physically touched me. And my body responded. I wanted him to kiss me again. To touch me. I

wanted to feel that heat again.

His kiss made me realize that what I had had with Marcus was childs play. Maybe affectionate, but no passion. I wanted to feel the passion again. I wanted it, but I

hoped I wasn't broadcasting it to him and everyone around me. That would be mortifying.

When we got to the blanket we sat and talked, ate, snuggled, and cloud and people watched. Whiling away the afternoon and evening.

Finally it was nightfall and the air cooled. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a hoodie over my bathing suit, and packed up most of the stuff we brought. I stayed on the

blanket while Demetri took everything else back to his car.

He got back just in time. As he sat down and pulled me into his arms, the first cannon shot its missile into the sky. It exploded in a shower of gold. The fireworks

were so loud! I could feel them exploding in my body, in my heart. I started breathing a little harder, it was a little frightening, but awesome at the same time.

Demetri's lips touched the side of my neck, below my ear. I could feel his smile and then his kiss. He nibbled and kissed me and I moaned. I could see and feel the

fireworks in the sky and in my body.

Demetri's large hands pushed on my body, pulling me closer as he started to suck on my neck. I could feel his whole body pressed into my back.

He spread his fingers out and slowly slid one hand up under my hoodie to the underside of my breast.

I gasped, then held my breath. My body was enthralled. My heart beating so hard. Still watching the firework display in front of me, excitement coursed through

me...I waited.

"Bella." He kissed my ear. "Bella, look at me."

As I turned my head to him, his mouth came down hard on mine, his tongue plunging into my mouth. And finally his thumb rubbed against the tight bud of my

nipple.

The shockwave was like lightning. I felt it everywhere. Desire poured through me thick and hot. I felt my stomach flip and my lower region clench. I moaned again as

I turned my body to face him fully, letting my fingers play with his soft hair.

He pulled away and whispered against my lips, "Bella, you need to watch now the grand finale is coming."

I turned and sat back down in his arms as the canons shot off round after round. The whole sky was lit with red, green, silver, gold, purple and blue fireworks. Then a

deafening silence as the colors faded and the darkness encroached again.

The crowd started cheering, screaming, whistling and yelling.

Demetri and I stood up. He bent and picked up the blanket then pulled me into his arms again and kissed the tip of my nose.

"What did you think? Cool, huh?" He had a huge grin on his face.

I could only nod and smile. Between the fireworks and the sexual tension between us I was speechless.

We went back to his car and listened to a local rock station as we waited in the long line of cars trying to leave the park.

Finally we got back to my house and Demetri walked me to the door. He kissed my eyelids, cheeks, nose and finally a soft kiss to my lips.

I looked up at him and smiled.

"I think this was the best day of my entire life." I whispered.

His grin spread over his face and he said, "Me too!"

I squeezed his hand then unlocked the door and went inside. I watched him walk back to his car and drive away.

Oh! My! God! What a wonderful day. I floated upstairs and went to bed. I couldn't stop smiling.


	11. Chapter 11 Going Away Party

After our date at the fireworks, Demetri and I would spend a lot of time together. Mornings I spent at the pool on my different lessons, in the afternoon I did my

cleaning jobs and then the evenings were spent again with Demetri.

We had so much fun together, but we had both agreed to not push our relationship to far to fast. I didn't think I was ready for that, (I still had a secret hope of

Edward noticing me) and Demetri would be here for only another two months. He didn't know when he would be able to come back after school started.

We did all kinds of fun things, new things for me to experience. I went to my first concert, at DTE Music Center. My first baseball game, and watched the Detroit

Tigers beat the Chicago White Sox. First time bowling, and I somehow managed to bowl a 78. Played putt-putt, got a hole in one. Went to the Detroit Zoo, which I

loved...especially the big cats. Henry Ford Museum, to see all that amazing history, almost brought to life. Roller skating, which wasn't as big a disaster as I thought it

would be, with Demetri holding me up. And sometimes, we would just stay home, at Demetri's house and watch movies.

Even though he would come to pick me up at my house, I never invited him in, and never introduced him to Renée or Phil. I explained to him that I wasn't close to

my family, and they had no problems with me being gone so much, so he had nothing to worry about. I think, though, that he thought that I didn't want to introduce

him. I tried to assure him, that wasn't the case, but I may not have succeeded.

It was a pretty good summer. I was losing weight, had a boyfriend, was making money and saving for college and preparing for my 18th birthday. I knew I had a

little over three years, until eviction day. Renée was definitely not softening towards me. It was inevitable. I was going to be truly on my own when I turned 18.

The six of us, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Demetri and I would hang out at the country club pool every Saturday, weather permitting. We would play in the pool

for a while and then lay on the loungers. I always pulled mine into the shade, and everyone would make fun of me and my pale skin...although I did have a very faint

tan.

We laughed and joked and Emmett talked about how nervous and excited he was about going away to school and leaving home for the first time. I was really going

to miss him. Not to mention, he wouldn't be around to run interference for me with all of the bullies. Gosh! School was going to suck in the fall.

Oh well! I had the rest of summer to relax. I was definitely sad about Emmett and Demetri leaving in the fall, though. Rosalie and Emmett didn't always meet up with

us, because they wanted to spend as much time as possible with each other before their separation in the fall. I could definitely empathize with her now, what with

Demetri also leaving soon. Alice and Jasper were in their own little happy bubble. Sometimes it was downright sickening to spend time with them, they were so lovey-

lovey with each other and had no problems with public displays of affection. Get a room! You would think that after nearly a year together, they wouldn't need so

much time to "explore" but, what did I know.

I spent very little time at the Cullen house, because I was so busy. But when I did go over there I would find myself wishing I didn't want to see Edward, but still in

my heart hoping to see him. He usually wasn't around, either he was avoiding me too, or he was just busy as well.

Wednesdays were still my "Alice" day. We would usually end up at the country club pool. I didn't mind that she had Jasper, now that I had someone. I just asked for

one day a week for just the two of us. We always had so much fun together. I even started to enjoy being a Barbie doll. I always hoped that I would see Edward. It

was a sickness, an obsession. Here I had this totally great guy, who really liked me, and I was pining after Edward, hoping he would be around and just magically fall

in love with me.

As summer drew to a close, Rosalie decided to throw a going away party for Emmett. Alice decided it should be a pool party. So she reserved the country club pool.

Demetri unfortunately would be working as a lifeguard that day. There were a lot of kids invited from school there, so there was a lot of potential for me to be picked

on.

Demetri, was working, so he was obviously busy. Emmett was busy being the guest of honor, so he wasn't around to protect me. Rosalie was playing hostess so she

was distracted. Alice and Jasper were in their own little world, as usual., so no help on that front. Edward had come with Irina, and was making sure she was happy. I

was starting to get an idea of how bad it was going to be, once school restarted. Everywhere I turned there was someone making a snide remark, a rude comment, or

hurtful insult.

I just needed to toughen up. To not let them get to me, or least not let them see that they were getting to me. But I was already feeling a little raw, with both Em

and Demetri leaving in a couple of days, I was already mopey and sad. And darn it, jealous that Edward was still with Irina.

It was hell on earth. I managed to hold my tears in from all the teasing. At least I wasn't crying in front of all the jerks. But my ability to stay upright was

compromised. It seemed I could only concentrate on doing one or the other. So I kept tripping over everything and I fell more than once. Every time I fell the digs

and insults got worse. I was miserable. I was at me limit. I couldn't take anymore. I needed to get out of here.

As I was making my way to leave I bumped into Irina and Edward, literally.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered

"What's wrong? Isabella? Are you okay?" Edward asked.

I just kept my head down and shook it.

"Nothing is wrong, I...I j-just d-don't feel well." I stuttered.

Irina laughed.

I looked up to see Edward look at her, then someone screamed behind him. He turned to look, and Irina took her opportunity and shoved me into the pool. I was fully

clothed, not having put my swimsuit on yet.

I felt strong arms pull me out of the water, and looked up to see Demetri's concerned eyes, and Edwards confused ones.

"Isabella! Did you hurt yourself? Did you trip again?" Edward asked

Irina was still laughing. "What a klutz. What a loser. Eddie, why are you talking to such an idiot?" She put her arm through Edwards and pulled him away.

Demetri was still looking me in the eyes "Bella, sweetie, are you okay? Did you trip?"

I shook my head. "I just want to go home now. I need to get out of here." I was so pissed off, so of course, I burst in to tears, and stumbled away.

Demetri followed, "Bella, I want to take you home, but I'm working, can one of your other friends break away..."

Again I shook my head, head down, I walked away.


	12. Chapter 12 Summer of Love EPOV

I managed to avoid Isabella for most of the school year. Ever since that day I took her home and her mother screamed at her, I have felt really uncomfortable around

her. Her mom was a bitch, but I figured Bella didn't need me pointing this out to her or for me to remind her what happened and making things more difficult for her.

I never imagined that she would want me around. I figured she was embarrassed and didn't want to see me.

Then that damn brownie incident happened. Did she really think she was fat? I wanted to apologize to her for that, but she avoided me after that.

Spring formal came around and Isabella was at the house, but she didn't have a date so she wasn't going. I was surprised that no one had asked her to go. She was

really pretty...you would think there was someone out there that would want to take her.

She was talking to Jasper and Emmett in the living room, when I came downstairs. She looked up at me as I walked in the room, but quickly turned away from me

and ignored me.

Rosalie and Alice came downstairs, but neither one could hold a candle to Isabella. Even just wearing jeans and a hoodie, she out-shone both girls dressed in their

flashy dresses.

Esme wanted pictures of all of us, and suggested that Bella join us. She blushed and said something about not being dressed up or being pretty enough to be in the

pictures, but instead offered to take everyone elses pictures.

We did some shots inside, then went outside to Aunt Esme's garden and Isabella took shots of each of us alone, with our dates, and then group shots with and

without Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle.

After they had enough pictures, I realized I was going to be late getting Irina if I didn't leave right away, so I was the first to leave. Irina had insisted that I get to her

house at a certain time. I still wasn't sure how I felt about her. Irina was very forward, going after what she wanted, and apparently she wanted me...but I knew of

her reputation, and I wasn't really sure if I was interested in her. I didn't really know her, so I decided to at least give her a chance.

The spring formal was pretty boring. Irina was nice but demanding. She wanted to do what she wanted to do, when she wanted, with no imput from me or anyone

else. I guess that was okay...at least you knew where you stood with her. Irina wanted to be on the dance floor most of the night, right in the center, where everyone

could see us at all times. She liked being the center of attention.

We did talk quite a bit, and I thought maybe she was misunderstood by a lot of people. She actually came off as being really sweet, and kind.

Someone must have spiked the punch, because Irina was getting more and more tipsy, and physical. She was like an octopus. Her hands were everywhere on my

body, in my hair, on my face. I didn't want to take advantage of her, so I pulled away and took her home.

Finally I dropped her off at her house, but couldn't avoid her kiss. It was hot and wet and passionate. All I could think of was this is wrong, she's drunk. But she is

surprisingly strong, and held me close and tight. I managed to disentangle myself and left.

The next day Uncle Carlisle asked me to take the sim card from the digital camera and get all of the pictures made so that he could give copies to each couple.

I was surprised to see three shots of Isabella on the card. The first was taken in our backyard garden, she was surrounded by flowers and staring off across the river.

The breeze was lifting her hair off her face and blowing it back. God! The picture was amazing, and she looked like a model. The next one was taken probably right

after the first, but now her eyes were closed, and there was a small smile pulling at her lips. She looked so beautiful, so at peace with herself and the world around

her. The last one was taken from a distance, in the front yard as Isabella walked away down the sidewalk. Her head was down, her shoulders hunched forward. She

looked defeated...downcast. There was such an aura of sadness about her, it made me feel...bad. I felt a lump form in the chest, and twisting pain in my stomach.

I printed out all of the pictures, making sure there were enough copies for each couple and their families. I also printed down one extra copy of each picture of

Isabella for myself.

* * *

Memorial Day, Uncle Carlisle had a party at the country club for his work colleagues. The only people from school were Alice's friends. I didn't feel like inviting

anyone.

Isabella, of course, was there. She looked amazing! I noticed immediately that she was wearing a green one piece bathing suit, but it looked great on her, and sexy

as sin. It was sexier than the bikinis that Alice and Rosalie were wearing. Their suits left nothing to the imagination. Isabella's suit showed off her body and

highlighted her tiny waist and long legs. She was curvy but not fat. God her body was killer!

I spent the whole day watching her with her friends, playing in the water. As much trouble as she had on dry land, in the water she was as graceful as her name.

I overheard Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme talking about getting a summer pass for Isabella and enrolling her in some kind of swim classes. I didn't understand

that...she swam really well, but I must be missing something.

I questioned Aunt Esme and she told me that Isabella was taking water ballet and diving lessons. Interesting.

* * *

It was honors night and I was getting an award for some of my accomplishments. I was getting a B certificate and some awards for the clubs and athletics I was in.

I was surprised to see Isabella there. I don't know why I was though. I was even more surprised when I heard what her awards were. 4.0 GPA all year and perfect

attendance?! God, she must be really smart. She was already a year ahead and that was amazing. I mean she was two years younger than me but only one grade

back, not to mention her little foray into the drug scene in the fall. Thank god she got out of that mess!

She looked really pretty tonight too. She had grown so much throughout the school year. She had grown taller and lost weight since the beginning of the year. She

had really grown up. She was as tall as Alice now, maybe even taller.

After the ceremony Isabella walked over to my family and joined us. I noticed she was alone...no sign of her mother anywhere. Irina walked over to me at that time

too. We had been seeing each other since the spring formal...nothing serious, yet.

I felt Irina tense up as she grabbed my arm. "Hey Clumsy. Keep your eyes off my boyfriend." She laughed. "Like you would have a hope in Hell of ever getting a guy

to fall for your fat ass." Laughing she pulled me away. I was pissed off at Irina and let her know it.

"I don't ever, want to hear you talk to her like that again. She's my cousin's best friend, and a part of my family." I whispered furiously at her.

I turned back to look at Isabella and I could see a bunch of Irina's "friends" taunting her and making fun of her. She burst into tears and took off. I wanted to say

something to defend her, but I just didn't know what to say. Besides, what good would it do? It wouldn't change their minds about her, but it would definitely change

how they thought of me.

I looked back at Irina. "Look what you did. You better lay off of Bella or you and I are through. I won't allow you to pick on her. Why don't you tell your friends to

stop too!"

Irina just shrugged, "I don't have any control over them, don't blame me for all of them picking on her. She really does bring it on herself."

I was angry, but there was nothing else to do about it. Isabella was already gone, so I let it go.

The school year ended and Irina and I were exclusive. She told me that her reputation was all made up and overblown and not true. Boys she would date would make

up stories about her, to make themselves sound good, with no thought or concern about her feelings. I decided that I would believe her, for now, and give her a

chance to prove herself to me.

Irina and I spent a lot of our time together, but mostly at the pool.

I found out that Isabella's lessons were in the morning, while Irina was sleeping late, so I decided to check it out...check her out.

I tried to get there before Isabella, but didn't accomplish it. When I got there, she was in the long pool swimming lengths. She looked like a natural, even doing a flip

at the wall.

I found a place where I thought she wouldn't notice me. Pulled a lounger over, put my sunglasses on, and laid down.

I watched as a tall, dark-haired guy walked over to her lane at five minutes before the hour. He looked like he worked out everyday lifting small cars. I recognized

him as one of the lifeguards that worked here at the pool.

When Isabella got to the end of her lap he grabbed her arm to get her attention.

She smiled up at him and put her hand in his. He pulled her out of the water and steadied her before releasing her. Isabella bent down and grabbed her towel. As

they walked over to the diving boards she rubbed the towel over her face and hair, before wrapping it around her waist.

The diving boards were at a separate pool that was 14 feet deep. When they got there they stopped walking and stood facing each other talking and laughing about

something. I noticed though, that other than helping her out of the other pool, he hadn't touched her and she didn't touch him. Good!

Some younger kids showed up and started diving and then the instructor walked over and blew her whistle.

The tall lifeguard waved at Isabella and walked away.

I was worried about Bella diving. There was the board to deal with and the approach. I cringed thinking about her tripping and falling...hurting herself.

So I was really surprised and impressed by her ability. Dive after dive...perfection. She never faltered or stumbled. She was really good. So graceful and when she

entered the water she hardly ever made a splash. I was also surprised at how difficult some of the dives she did. With flips and twists. I'm sure I would have hurt

myself if I had tried to do them.

The lesson ended and some of the kids left, and some went to the other pools to play.

Isabella strolled over to the lifeguard tower where her friend was.

She actually climbed up the ladder and sat down up there with him. The bench seat was just big enough for two people, but you had to sit close to each other, bodies

pressed together. Not good! As she settled down next to him, he put his arm on the top of the bench, like he wanted to hold her. They smiled at each other and

talked. Every once in a while I could hear their laughter.

Isabella sat with him for about 20 minutes, talking and laughing the whole time, then climbed down, walked back to the deep pool and sat down with her back to me,

her legs in the water.

Within minutes a large group of girls walked over and greeted Bella. They were all talking excitedly. The appeared to all be about the same age as Bella, some

younger some older. I didn't recognize any of them, so no one from our school.

A different instructor walked over and began class.

The first thing they did, was each girl had to swim under water across the pool as far as she could go.

Several girls went before Isabella, some almost made it to the far wall, and some actually made it there. Then Isabella took her turn and she seemed to be under

water forever. I was starting to get worried, when her head broke the surface of the water, right where she had started. Did she swim the entire length and back?

She must have. The instructor was smiling and complimenting her.

After this they practiced the different steps of their routine. Isabella was really good at this! The movements natural and graceful as she went through the routine.

The group of girls spent the next hour working on movements and positions, and perfecting the routine.

Isabella, by far, was the best one out there. I was truly impressed...awestruck.

At noon the class ended.

Isabella walked over to the same lifeguard as he climbed down from the tower. Another guard was taking his place for his break. He grabbed Bella's hand and he

walked her over to the women's locker room, said something, waved and walked away.

Huh! He was holding her hand! What's up with that? Were they dating? I didn't like it.


	13. Chapter 13 Summer of Discovery EPOV

**A/N Warning this chapter has a lemon and no its not Edward/Bella...sorry. :(**

* * *

I have to admit I spent a lot of my summer mornings at the pool...watching her.

It was utterly amazing to me, to see Isabella as a graceful creature.

I took her stumbling and tripping as just part of who she was. It didn't bother me or detract from my feelings for her. It was just part of who she was. In fact I

thought it was kind of endearing. I want to be next to her, being the person who she leans on. I want to catch her when she falls. I wanted to be her protector.

Which was a sticking point, because I hadn't protected her yet. But I made a promise to myself, come what may, I would protect her from now on. Even if she didn't

know. Even if she didn't want me. Even if she didn't appreciate it. I would not stand by and allow anyone to abuse her in any way, anymore.

Everyday I watched her swim and dive. I watched as she flirted with her lifeguard. I watched as their relationship slowly grew to more than just friendship.

He was too old for her. I mean, he is an adult and Isabella is only 14 years old. I found out her birthday is in September, so she was still a couple of months away

from being 15. She definitely had the body of a women now. She no longer looked like a little girl. That was probably why guys were noticing her now. I guess I was

just as bad.

I spent too much of my day thinking about Isabella. Every morning I would wake up in a sweat with a raging hard-on from the erotic dreams I had about her. I

would take a shower then go to the pool so I could watch her. Usually by the time she was done with her lessons, I would be so hard again that it hurt. So I would go

home and either take another shower or lie on my bed, either way I would have to rub one out. I'm surprised that I didn't have calluses on my palms or that my right

forearm didn't look like Popeye's.

Usually I would jerk off until I got some relief then I would be able to focus on the world around me. I would then spend the afternoons and evenings either with my

family or Irina.

Irina.

Irina was pushing me to have sex with her. She didn't know how inexperienced I really was. She didn't know that I was a virgin. She constantly told me that I

confused her, and she didn't understand why I was playing so hard to get.

Irina and I mostly just hung out at the country club, either swimming, playing tennis or enjoying the hot tub, steam room or sauna. Then going to the mall and

walking around or to see a movie. One thing I am sure of, Irina appreciates the wealth of my family.

As much as she enjoys the convienence of my wealth, she really doesn't want to spend any time with my family...avoiding them as much as possible. And she never

tried to form any kind of friendship with Alice, claiming she was too immature.

At first, I was okay with this, but I loved my family and was starting to miss them. My family was really important to me. After I lost my mom and dad to a drunk

driver, driving to fast and on the wrong side of the road, family became everything to me.

Irina, obviously didn't want to be a part of or have anything to do with my family. Isabella definitely needed and desired to be a part of a family, my family. That

was another reason why the girl I dreamt of every night was not my girlfriend. Was barely even a friend...I wanted so much more with Isabella.

I was at the pool one day and Bella and Alice were there. They were in their own little world. Oh yeah. It was Wednesday. Bella day. Alice was so busy with Jasper

most of the time, that she hardly saw Isabella anymore, so they had set aside Wednesday to just be the two of them. Which reminded me that Isabella was probably

spending all her free time with her boyfriend. I was instantly jealous as I thought about that lifeguard guy kissing her, touching her or God forbid, having sex with

her. I wanted her for myself. I just couldn't figure out how to make that happen.

I watched as Isabella stood up from the lounger in the shade and walked over to the diving board. She didn't stumble once, but I was still worried about her being on

the board.

She executed a perfect pike dive and made no splash when she went into the water. Every time I saw her dive, I was amazed at how graceful she could be. She still

hadn't resurfaced yet, and I started to get worried. I sat upright from my chair when her head broke the surface of the water, clear across on the other side of the

pool.

I watched Isabella swim around for a while with Alice. She was a really good, strong swimmer. I was admiring her as I laid on my lounger. I had sunglasses on, so

she couldn't see me staring. I watched as she climbed the ladder out of the water and I almost gasped out loud. The water sluiced off of her and as she faced me I

could see every perfect curve of her body. Bella was wearing a modest one piece suit, but it definitely accentuated all of her assets. Her full breasts were a perfect

size and her nipples pushed at the material, making themselves known. It was so erotic to watch her body react and respond. As she walked back to her lounger she

raised her arms and pushed some of the wet hair off of her face. With her arms raised it made her breasts jut out more and her hard little nipples strained against the

wet material. God! Instant boner! Shit! I wanted her so much.

I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my waist and left, before I did something to embarrass myself, something stupid.

When I got home I went directly up to my room. Stripped off my swim trunks and laid on my bed. I was fantasizing about Isabella, my hand moving up and down my

shaft, and how I wanted to stroke my length into her tight, wet pussy. I groaned. Then my door flew open and Irina was there. She quietly shut and locked the door

and a huge smile spread over her face as she started walking towards my bed. She removed her clothes, in a slow strip tease. By the time she got to the bed she was

completely naked. Irina's body was a lot different from Isabella's She didn't have the soft curves, or full breasts. Irina was tall and thin, but what she lacked in curves

she made up for with her confidence.

I would have been embarrassed, but Irina made it obvious that this was not going to be a problem.

"Yummy! I love to watch a guy masturbate." She purred. She slid up the bed and brought her lips to the head of my cock. She licked it like a lollipop and I groaned.

Then she licked her lips and then just slid her lips all the way down my length. She practically swallowed me whole. I could feel her throat muscles working my penis,

and I was in heaven. The only thing that could make this better is if it was my Isabella here doing this. I was torn. Was this the right thing to do? Here I was,

fantasizing about Isabella. Was it right to do this with Irina? The biggest part of my dilemma, I wasn't sure. I wanted my first time to mean something, to be

special...with someone special.

I wanted to stop, but my body was betraying me. Her hot breath on my cock and her tongue swirling and circling the sensitive area at the head was pushing me over

the edge...pushing rational thought out of my brain. I never knew it could feel this good. She started humming and I just about lost it. At this point, I just wanted to

cum, and I no longer cared how or with whom.

Irina smiled at me as she sucked up my penis. "I'm going to ride you big boy." She crawled up my body and slid down onto my raging hard-on. Her pussy was so wet

and hot and I could feel her muscles clamping down on my throbbing cock, and I couldn't stop myself from bucking my hips and thrusting hard up into her.

"God! You're huge Eddie! I love the way you feel inside of me!" Irina panted. She was bouncing up and down, pulling almost completely off of me and then slamming

back down, gyrating her hips as she slid down.

I grunted. God! I was ready to cum, but Irina didn't look like she was done yet. I had to hold on longer, I would not cum before her!

"Touch me, Eddie." She whispered as she gasped for breath, and guided my hands to her tiny breasts. I was trying so hard to concentrate and not shoot my load. I

squeezed her breasts and then pinched her nipples. Her nipples were long and hard and pale pink, and every time I pinched them she moaned and started moving

faster.

I watched her through the slits of my eyes, to see how affected she was. I watched as her hand slid down between her legs, and I noted where she was touching

herself. She started to rub her clit and then I felt her body clench hard on me. She threw her head back and screamed.

"Eddddiiiiieeeeee!"

I slid my hands down to her waist and held her still as I thrust hard, once, twice, then stilled as a finally got to my release and spilled into her.

I was still embedded in her, trying to catch my breath. Irina laid down on my chest and started kissing me.

"I knew you would be awesome in bed." She purred at me with a small smile on her lips.

I just moaned as she pulled me in for another kiss, my mind still clouded in a sexual haze. I just lost my virginity. To Irina. And by some small miracle, I was able to

hold off long enough to be able to give her an orgasm before my own release. I was feeling pretty darn good about myself, and for the first time since I met her,

Isabella, was not on my mind.

After that first time, that was pretty much all Irina and I did anymore. We had sex in every position and in every way imaginable. By the end of the summer I knew

that I could pleasure any women, with my lips, my tongue, my fingers and of course my cock. Irina made sure I knew how to do it all. She was a little bit of a

nympho.

Even though I gave her orgasm after orgasm, she never seemed to get enough. She was always ripe, wet and ready. I was getting bored with her though. We had

nothing in common but the sex. We never talked. I couldn't confide in her or tell her any of my secrets, my insecurities. The sex was great, but I wanted...needed

more.

The summer was winding down and Alice and her friend Rosalie were throwing a party for Emmett who was leaving to start college. It was going to be at the country

club pool. I was invited, even though I never got to hang out with Alice and her friends. I took Irina as my date...big mistake.

Isabella was there, but on her own, her boyfriend was working. Emmett and Rosalie were off playing host and hostess, and Alice and Jasper had disappeared...again.

There were a lot of kids from school, as Emmett had been captain of the football team and very popular.

As usual, Isabella was being picked on, people were pointing at her and laughing. She looked beautiful to me, in a green sun-dress, and I couldn't figure out what

they were teasing her about. I didn't understand what was going on, but she kept stumbling and tripping. I hadn't seen her like this since, well since the end of the

school year. I wondered if she was drunk or worse, back on drugs. She had absolutely no balance. Completely uncoordinated. I saw her trip and someone, looked like

Mike Newton and Jessica Stanly, started taunting her and laughing at her. I could see she was near tears as she was facing me and walking in my direction.

Her head was down and she wasn't watching where she was going. She was right in front of us when she stumbled again and collided with Irina.

"I'm so sorry." Isabella whispered. My heart went out to her. She looked so lost and alone.

"What's wrong? Isabella? Are you okay?' I asked, concerned.

She wouldn't look up at me, her head still bowed down. "Nothing is wrong." She shrugged "I...I j-just d-don't feel well."

Irina laughed. What the hell!. What did she find amusing about that? Did she have no compassion for others at all?

Someone screamed a "head's up" behind me, so I turned to make sure I wasn't going to get pegged with something. As I looked behind me I heard a large splash in

the pool. When I looked back to Isabella, she was gone. Well not gone, she was in the pool.

I hurried to the side of the pool, but somehow the lifeguard, her boyfriend, was already there.

"Isabella! Did you hurt yourself? Did you trip again?" I asked, confused on how she ended up in the water.

Behind me Irina was laughing. She put her arm through mine and pulled me away. "What a klutz. What a loser. Eddie, why are you talking to such an idiot?"

I was stunned. I staring at her and let her drag me away, simply because I was in shock.

I turned back to see Isabella pulled from the pool by her lifeguard. She looked miserable. Everyone at the party was now staring at her. Her makeup was dripping

down her face and she kinda looked like a drowned rat. She mumbled something to her lifeguard, burst into tears and then stumbled away.

I turned and looked at Irina. "Why the hell did you say that?"

"I'm sick of you looking at her! She is so beneath you." She declared with heat. "Besides she is a complete loser, no one cares that she's gone. The world would be a

better place if she just disappeared and never came back."

I couldn't believe what she was saying to me. No amount of sex was worth it. I was done. We were done.

"Irina, find your own ride home. We're done. I don't want to see you anymore. Don't call me. Don't come over to my house. We're just over." I raged and stepped

away from her as Emmett walked over.

"Irina! What the HELL? WHY DID YOU PUSH BELLA INTO THE POOL?" Emmett was mad, and he looked ready to beat the crap out of somebody.

Wait! What? Irina pushed Bella? She didn't trip?

"Whatever Emmett! Why do you care anyway?" Irina whined.

"Cuz, Bella is like my little sister, and you don't mess with my family." He growled. "If I hear from anyone that you are messing with Bella, I will personally see to it

that you suffer. As for all of you other losers, that think what Irina just did was funny, well I have news for you, you all better start looking over your shoulders, cuz

you won't see it coming but your day will come."

With that Emmett walked away, grabbed Rosalie, and left.

I didn't know where Alice and Jasper were, but I wasn't going to wait around for them. I left and went home.

When I got there, I sat down with Aunt Esme and told her what had happened at the pool, and that I had broken up with Irina. I didn't want to see her anymore, and

as far as I was concerned, there was no reason for her to ever step inside our home again. Aunt Esme just agreed with me, and told me not to worry...no one would

invite her in.

As I walked out of the room I thought I heard her say "finally" but I can't be sure. I went upstairs to my room and laid down and thought of Isabella, Beautiful

Isabella. I felt so bad for her, and hoped this incident wouldn't push her to do something stupid. I fell asleep, and dreamed sweet dreams of loving Bella.


	14. Chapter 14 Jacob Black

**A/N WARNING Mature content/rape in this chapter. **

* * *

It was summer vacation before college. My last summer of being a child. The summer before my 18th birthday. My last summer with Renée. The summer vacation

when everyone was home and together, before we all went off our separate ways.

Rosalie and Emmett were home for a month. So was Jasper. Edward was home for the summer too! Alice was preparing to leave for college and Carlisle and Esme

were getting ready for their European tour.

By the middle of August all of my friends would be gone...and I would be alone. More alone then I have been in years.

I had grown so close to the Cullens...all of them. Carlisle and Esme, the parents I never had. Alice, my sister, my best friend and confidant. And Edward, the boy I

secretly loved...longed for.

I got used to the fact that Edward, for whatever reason, had stopped dating. After that bitch, Irina, he had changed. He focused more on school and family. I reaped

the benefit of this change. I spent more time at the Cullen house and so I got to spend more time with Edward. We became friends. Sharing our hopes and dreams

for the future. It amazed me how similar we were. How much we had in common.

He told me about losing his parents. How traumatized he had been, to have survived when they had both died in that car crash. He told me it was a drunk driver that

killed his parents and left him an orphan. It made me understand why he was so against, drinking and drugs. Anything that impaired your ability and thinking.

I told him about my parents and how they never wanted me. How it had been growing up knowing that my mother hated and resented me.

We came to a deeper understanding of each other.

We would join the family for meals, and to play games, sing karaoke or watch movies. We actually spent more time together, then I spent with Alice, but in all that

time, getting to know each other and growing closer, we never stepped over the line of friendship.

The more I got to know him, the more I loved him, the more I wanted...more.

I was looking forward to Edward coming home for the summer. I had missed him so much this last year. Even though we e-mailed occasionally, we really didn't keep

in touch, and I figured it was because he was busy with school.

I was shocked when he came home with a girl. Well, woman, would be a better term for her.

"Hey, Everyone! This is Victoria Wild, a friend from school." He introduced us to her.

"Victoria, this is my family. My Aunt Esme, Uncle Carlisle and my cousin Alice. And this is Isabella, she's like my little sister." He went around the room.

He didn't say girlfriend for her, but she had to be someone special for him to bring her home to meet the family.

Victoria was drop-dead gorgeous, and her name suited her. She had a wild, almost feline aura about her. She had wildly tousled, long, curly red hair, that hung down

to her waist. She was tall and slim, with long legs that seemed to go on forever, but she was also curvy. Her skin was soft and pale cream with a light smattering of

freckles. Her eyes were large and almond-shaped with brilliant green irises. I wondered if she wore colored contacts to make her eyes that color. And her eyelashes

were thick and full and black. She had a fierce look about her, like she was ready to pounce on her prey...and the way she was looking at Edward, it was

obvious what her prey was.

It made me uncomfortable to be around them, more specifically, Edward. He had no idea how I felt about him. No idea how much I hurt seeing them together. So I

avoided him, which meant I didn't spend as much time with the family.

My free time, I spent at the park or at home, just away from the Cullen house. I still went out with Em and Rose, and Alice and Jazz, but only if we were "out" and not

just hanging at home. Alice seemed to pick up on this, so when we did have a movie night in we usually went to Emmett's parent's house.

One day when I was alone at the park, I was sitting at a picnic table at Ford Field next to the Rouge River, watching the children play on the play structure. They were

all so cute and they were all playing nicely with each other. No one was left out or being picked on. I was reading one of my favorite love stories "Pride and Prejudice"

by Jane Austin, again, although at this exact moment I couldn't concentrate and lose myself in the trials and tribulations of Lizzy Bennett and Mr. Darcy.

Someone walked up behind me, I saw his shadow cover me from the sun.

"Is this seat taken?" I heard a deep voice ask softly.

I looked up, and up at the tall, handsome young man.

"Uh, no, help yourself." I mumbled as I waved my hand at the table.

"Hi!" He smiled at me. He had a beautiful smile with very white teeth contrasting to his dark skin. He looked to be of American Indian descent. "My name is Jake.

Jacob Black." He held his hand out in greeting.

"Hi! I'm Isabella Swan." I took his hand and shook it, my hand completely swallowed up in his large hand.

He glanced over at the play ground with the children running around and asked, "Anyone of those kids yours?" He was smiling at me with a mischievous look on his

face.

He really was handsome. I could feel a blush work its way up into my cheeks.

I laughed nervously, "Uh, NO!"

He laughed too.

We started to talk about all sorts of things. He was easy to talk to and he didn't say anything mean or rude to me, so I let down my guard and started to relax. I was

still always prepared for people to be mean to me.

It turned out that Jake was 18 years old and just graduated from Fordson High School, one of the three public high schools in Dearborn. We talked about college and

where we were attending in the fall. He was going to H.F.C.C. also. We talked about our friends and how we were being left behind, as most of his friends were also

attending regular university's.

I kept glancing at him as we talked. He was really good-looking. He had deep, dark brown eyes, and black hair in a spiky buzz cut. He had a couple of tattoos on his

forearms. He was very tall...at least a foot taller than my 5'5" and muscular.

I was curious about his tattoo's and so we talked about them for a while, and the best places to go to get pierced and tattoos.

We spent quite a while talking, and it was getting late when Jake said he had to get going.

"Can I get your number?" He asked

I nodded and pulled out my cell, "What's your number, I will call you."

His smile widened "565-9213" he said as he waited for me to call him. He accepted my phone call and took my picture to put with my contact info. I did the same.

I wasn't sure he would actually ever call me, but he sure seemed like a nice guy. Well, I guess it didn't matter one way or the other, whatever will be, will be.

Jake got up and left, and I wondered if that would be the last time I saw him, of course he was going to the same school as me in the fall, so I was sure that I might

see him at some point. He seemed pleasant, and fun. Good-natured. He didn't make my heart beat fast like Edward could with just a glance, but I had to get over

Edward. He was never mine and he had never wanted me. Maybe if Jake called, it would help me get over Edward.

Soon after Jake left, I got up and went home. I got there to find Renée and Phil in the middle of an argument. Over me. Renée wanted me to leave now. Phil was

insisting that she wait until my birthday. Either way, in less than two months, I would be on my own.

Alice called, and wanted to know if I wanted to go to the drive in with the gang that evening. I had no plans so I agreed that it sounded like fun, and I couldn't wait to

see all of them. She said Rosalie and Emmett were going and we would meet up with them there, and hang out together. She said she would be picking me up at

8pm and to be ready.

Thinking it was just going to be the five of us, I didn't make an effort with my appearance. What did it matter anyway. All of them had seen me at my worst, and they

were all still my friends.

To my horror, Edward and his girlfriend were joining us. They were in the back seat of Jasper's pick-up truck.

I slid up into the backseat with Edward in the middle. I felt really awkward, sitting with the two of them.

Victoria couldn't keep her eyes or hands off of Edward, and every peep, kiss, moan, whisper or sigh out of her was like a knife in my heart. God this was torture...but

I just had to grin and bear it. Maybe I would go sit in Emmett's jeep when we got to the drive-in. No way in hell was I staying in here with the two of them.

When we got to the drive-in, Jasper parked next to Emmett's jeep and everyone was getting situated to watch the movie.

Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper kept snickering and rolling their eyes at the way Victoria was behaving...she was like an octopus with her hands going everywhere

on Edward. None of them knew, hopefully including Edward, how I felt about him, so they didn't realize how much this all hurt me.

After the movie started, all the couples snuggled together and it hit me hard. I was alone...again. I felt left out and miserable. I was just getting ready to switch

vehicles, to go sit with Rose and Em, when Victoria made it impossible for me to keep quiet any longer.

Victoria was doing some pretty indecent stuff to Edward. I have to admit he was trying to keep her hands off of his body, but I figured that was because the rest of us

were all there. I'm pretty sure, that if they had been alone, they would have been having sex already.

Victoria's hand slid down Edwards chest to his penis and rubbed him through his shorts. I could see his body respond, and I was mortified to have to witness this.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I squeaked. They both looked at me. "God! Get a room!" I yelled at them. I got out of the truck, looked at Alice and Jasper, and said,

"I'm going home. Do me a favor. Don't invite me along if horny Edward is going." Then I walked away.

Alice was shocked. "Wait, Bella! What happened?"

"They are practically having sex, right in front of me!" I screamed. I was really pissed, so of course I started crying. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran away from Alice,

from my friends, from the drive-in, but mostly I ran away from the heartbreak of seeing Edward and Victoria getting it on.

"Oh!" Alice said as I ran away. I think she just might have finally figured out how I felt about her ass hole cousin. I guess I did a pretty good job of hiding my feelings

where he was concerned, because she actually seemed surprised.

I walked all the way home and went right in the shower. I felt dirty! Ugh! Being an unwilling voyeur to Edwards sex life was not something I enjoyed.

Why did loving someone have to hurt so much?

The next morning I went into work, trying to forget what I had witnessed last night. Working in a fast-food restaurant on the weekends was mindless, but busy work.

As I was getting off, after the lunch rush, my phone rang. It was Jake. He wanted to take me out and I agreed. He said he would pick me up at 7pm, and that he was

taking me bowling.

I went home to get ready for my date. I had to shower to get the smell of grease out of my hair, and I took extra care with my appearance. Jake was right on time,

and as I was ready, I ran out the door before he could come and knock.

We had a really good time. After bowling, we got in his car and went for a ride down Hines Drive. He parked in one of the many roadside parks and turned to me,

pulling me into his arms.

"Bella, you're so pretty" he whispered as he started kissing my face, my nose, my eyes and then moved down to my lips. I tried to enjoy it, but all I could think is he

isn't Edward. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me. His arms tightened on me and held me close...too close. He was almost crushing me into his chest, and it

was getting hard for me to breathe. I pushed on his chest.

"Jake, Stop!" I panted

"You know you don't want me to stop." He moaned, and started kissing me again, forcing his tongue into my mouth by pulling on my hair, to make me gasp in pain.

I tore away from his kiss and said again. "Stop!" I tried to say it firmly, so he knew that I meant it.

He laughed at me then slapped me. Hard. I saw stars. As I was trying to refocus my eyes, I felt him grab and rip my shirt off and then he yanked hard on my bra,

making it tear and he pulled that off too.

I started screaming. "STOP! STOP! NO! Please STOP!" I was sobbing.

Jake put his hand over my mouth and started sucking and biting on my nipples. I kept screaming hysterically. Jake got fed up with all the noise I was making, so he

punched me in my stomach. As my air rushed out of me, I was fighting to catch my breath. He took my torn bra and shoved it into my mouth, gagging me with it.

I was swinging at him, trying to hit him, trying to scratch his eyes out, but he was too strong. His body was pressing down on mine and subduing my body with his

sheer weight and size. He managed to grab my arms and clamped them both down above my head, with one of his big hands, as his other hand went down my body

and removed my shorts off of my body. All that was protecting me now was a small pair of boy-short underwear. I could see the lust in his eye, as I tried to buck him

off of my body, but this just seemed to turn him on even more. I was very afraid.

Jake ripped the crotch out of my underwear, and my eyes opened even wider in terror. God this was really happening. I was powerless to stop him. The tears just

rolled down my cheeks, as I looked at him in horror.

He quickly removed his shorts and boxers, and before I knew it, his penis was tearing into me. He pushed into me so hard, it felt like his hips were battering mine. I

howled, screamed and sobbed into the gag, but he just kept pounding away at me. God, save me. Someone save me. Someone help me. I was crying so hard now

that I couldn't see anything. All I could feel was the pain and humiliation. He started moving faster, and harder into me, God when would this be over? Then his body

stilled and he yelled out into the quiet of the night.

When Jake was finally satisfied, he pulled out of me. He released me and sat up and pulled his clothes back on, and tossed me the tattered remnants of my clothes. I

curled up in a ball on the seat and sobbed. He softly stroked my hair and smiled at me. He acted like this was a loving act between two consenting parties. Like he

hadn't forced himself on me...in me.

He drove me home, and asked if he could call me again. God, was he delusional? He just raped me! Why would I want to see him again?

I looked at him stunned and then said, "No! I don't ever want to see you again. Don't ever call me again you sick pig!"

Jake got a real ugly look on his face and backhanded me.

You asked for it." He shouted. "No one will believe you if you tell them I forced you. Look at you. Look at me." He was laughing at me. "Get out of my car you fat,

little pig. And don't worry, I won't call you again." He hissed at me. Then he pushed me out of the car door and squealed away from the curb, leaving me laying in the

street in front of Renee's house.

I was so mortified. I ran inside and went directly to the bathroom. I quickly striped down as I turned the hot water on. My clothes were in tatters and so I threw

them in the garbage and then finally stepped into the shower under the hot water.

The water was so hot, that I almost scalded myself, but I didn't care. I had to erase his touch from my body. I felt so dirty I scrubbed my body over and over again

until the hot water ran out. Crying the whole time. When there was no more hot water, I got out and went to my bedroom. Shuddering and miserable, I couldn't close

my eyes. The terror I felt making my heart beat hard and fast. I was in so much pain, both physically and mentally. My stomach was bruised and my cheeks stung

from where he had hit me. I felt the pain of his violation still. My body throbbed in pain with each and every heart beat.

I just hurt...everywhere.


	15. Chapter 15 Movie Night With Bella EPOV

I just got back home to Dearborn, after my first year away at college, and I had brought a friend, Vicky, with me. It was so good to see my family again. I had missed

them.

Alice came bouncing down the stairs with Isabella in tow.

"Hey Everyone! This is Victoria Wild, a friend from school" I announced when everyone was together. "Victoria this is my family. My Aunt Esme, Uncle Carlisle and my

cousin Alice. And this is Isabella, she's like my little sister." I smiled as I looked at each person I introduced. Much to my surprise, Isabella had a hurt look on her

face.

I looked at Vicky and saw her eyes narrow as she looked at my Bella. When I looked back at Isabella, she was glancing back and forth between the two of us. Her

shoulders slumped, but she was polite as always.

I immediately realized my mistake. Isabella and I were close, I loved her in a way I have never loved anyone else. I had introduced her as my 'little sister', to my

friend, when really she was so much more to me.

I never should have let Vicky convince me to bring her home with me, but I felt guilty. She said her parents were gone for the summer and she didn't want to go

home to be alone, and she had no place up at school to stay for the summer.

We had been friends first before we had become more...and we remained friends even after that part of our relationship waned.

I hadn't slept with Vicky since before Christmas, and she had moved on and dated other guys. I never even considered that she may want me back. I really didn't

want to get back together with her. I was okay with just being friends. She seemed more than okay when we broke off that part of our relationship.

We were just friends, at least in my mind. But obviously Isabella thought we were more.

Crap! How could I fix this? I never should have hooked up with Victoria in the first place. It was in a moment of weakness. Being away from all my friends and family,

I was lonely.

Then Vicky was there, talking to me and comforting me. One thing lead to another and we ended up in bed together. But as I looked at her and compared her to

Isabella I realized there was no contest.

I had to figure out a way to get rid of Vicky. I didn't want to hurt her though. None of this was her fault. She just didn't want to be alone all summer. It may not have

been my idea for her to come stay with me but no one deserved to be all alone either. And we were friends. What were friends for? If not to be there when you

needed them? I thought that was the right thing to do

I really didn't want to hurt Vicky or send her away. I figured as long as we kept it just friends, things would be okay.

We hung out, but I made it clear to Vicky, that were just friends. She never made any advances towards me, and we didn't discuss that part of our relationship.

I even explained the situation to my family, and they understood that she was only here because she had no place else to go, and that we weren't dating.

I knew Isabella was busy, but she was never around. It was like she was avoiding me...and that hurt, but I couldn't blame her either. I had really messed up. Again.

Alice seemed to be avoiding me too. Or maybe, she was just spending her time with Isabella away from our home.

It was several weeks later when my cousin was excitedly making plans to go to the drive-in that night. From what I could hear, the whole gang was going.

"Alice I haven't been to the drive-in in a long time. What are you going to see?" I asked, hoping she would invite me along.

"It's a double feature...the last two Harry Potter movies." Alice said, she knew I was not a fan of the Harry Potter universe, so she had a look on her face like she

had won the lottery.

"Who's all going?" I questioned innocently.

Alice looked disappointed, she knew she hadn't convinced me not to go.

"I love the Harry Potter movies!" Vicky purred. "I would love to go see them."

Alice looked even more chagrined, but sighed and shrugged. "The whole gang is home for the summers so it will be Em, Rose, Jazz and Bella." She looked defeated.

"Bella? As in you little sister, who we never see?" Vicky asked, her eyes were shining and she had a small smile on her face.

"Yeah, one and the same." Alice snapped. I don't know why Alice didn't like Vicky.

"Oh, Edward, you have barely seen her all summer. We should go too!" Vicky said innocently.

"Hey, can we go with?" I asked, Vicky just smiled.

Alice shrugged again. "I guess so. We have to stop and pick up Bella. We are meeting Rose and Em there."

"Cool, I haven't seen Isabella in a while." I said with a huge grin. Finally, I would get to see her and maybe explain the Vicky thing to her.

Victoria looked at me and her eyes narrowed.

We all climbed into Jasper's truck. There was enough room for all five of us. When we got to Isabella's house, Alice ran up to the door, but Bella was already coming

out to join us.

I could see Alice and Isabella talking as they walked slowly back to the truck. Isabella looked at me and Vicky and sighed. She looked resigned.

"She's very pretty." Victoria whispered.

I shrugged. I didn't want Vicky to know the true extent of my feelings for Isabella. "She's just an old family friend." I whispered back.

Again Vicky studied my face. It was like she saw right through me and didn't believe me. She moved closer to me and grabbed my hand.

I immediately pulled away.

Isabella and Alice got back into the truck. Bella got into the backseat with me and Vicky. I saw her looking at Vicky. When Bella had taken her in she gave me a half-

smile then sighed and looked away, out the window. Vicky, on the other hand, was smirking. I could tell she had measured Isabella up and found her wanting. Sitting

between the two, I could definitely tell that my Bella was the better woman.

As we drove to the drive-in, I was very conscious of the two women on either side of me.

When we got there we parked next to Emmett's jeep.

Victoria kept trying to put her hand on my thigh and I kept pushing it away. She leaned over and whispered in my ear. "I want to touch you." and then she

proceeded to bite my ear. I let out an involuntary groan, and I could feel her lips turn up in a smile. She took my groan as encouragement and started kissing me on

the neck, and purring.

"I want you." She moaned softly. "Right now, right here." And then again made that purring noise she makes. My body was responding. Vicky knew how to push my

buttons, but I didn't want this. I moaned again as I tried to pull away from her. I knew this was wrong. I knew this would hurt Isabella.

Vicky smiled triumphantly against my neck and slid her hand down my chest and stroked my cock through my shorts. It immediately sprang to attention, straining

against the material. I growled at Vicky, and tried to remove her hands again, but it was too late.

"What the hell are you doing?" Isabella said in a squeaky voice.

I looked over at Isabella, and tried again to pull away from Vicky. To explain that I didn't want this, but Vicky grabbed my face and pulled me into a deep

and passionate kiss. Her hands in my hair, holding me to her.

"God! Get a room!" Now Isabella was yelling. She fumbled for the door handle and slammed the door as she fell out of the truck.

She walked over to Alice and it looked like she was yelling at her too. Bella waved her arms back at the truck, towards us. I could see her tears and then she took off

running.

Alice turned to me with a totally stunned expression on her face and tears in her eyes. What was Alice crying for? Then she got a really angry look on her face as she

looked at me, and I knew I was in trouble.

I pulled away from Victoria, but at this point she had accomplished what she had wanted...which was to hurt Isabella. She and I both knew that we didn't have that

kind of relationship anymore. As soon as Bella had left the truck, Vicky had moved away from me. I was disgusted with myself for allowing my body to respond to

her. I don't know why she felt she had to do it, but obviously she was either jealous, or she wanted me back. She seemed to think she had won. I was of a different

opinion though. I needed to see Isabella. To explain, but then Alice looked at me and said we needed to talk.

I slipped out of the truck and walked over to Alice.

Alice was pissed.

"I'll be right back, Jazz." Alice said. She grabbed my arm and dragged me away.

"How could you?" she asked me.

"I know." I sighed, looking around, at the ground. Anywhere but at my angry cousin.

"How could you have sex in front of Bella? What are you thinking of? Do you have so little respect for her? That kind of shit is NOT okay!" she huffed.

"We weren't having sex." I muttered guiltily.

"Close enough" she snapped at me. "God! You are such an ass hole!"

"I know! I know I messed up!" I groaned, running my hands through my already messy hair and pulling. "But it's not like Isabella likes me in that way. We are just

friends...that's all we have ever been." I said unhappily.

"God! Are you blind? You must be." she sighed. "Bella is in love with you, and you just keep hurting her."

"What are you talking about? No! She doesn't love me!" I was starting to feel like the ass that Alice had called me. I ran my hands through my hair again. "How can

you say that she loves me? I mean, maybe like a brother!"

I was completely confused. Utterly devastated. How could I hurt Isabella? I only wanted to protect her. To see her smile. God! What have I done to her? This isn't

what I wanted. Shit! How could I mess this up so bad?

"Shit! Alice I swear I wasn't trying to hurt her! I would never intentionally hurt Isabella." Vicky on the other hand, would do anything to hurt her. It was now very

clear to me, what her plan had been.

"Well, you need to fix this Edward." She snipped. "Because of you, now Bella is mad at me."

Alice punched me in the arm. Hard. "I mean it! Edward! Fix this!" and she stormed away.

I slowly walked back to the truck. When I got there no one was talking, but everyone looked pissed. I had no idea what Alice had said to Vicky, but I had an idea.

All I knew for sure is that I needed to fix this with Isabella. Which meant I had to get Vicky out of here.

I sat as far away from Vicky as I could for the rest of the movie, trying to figure out how to get her to leave without hurting her feelings. I don't know if I will be able

to though. I was really pissed at the stunt she just pulled.

I wasn't sure if I even wanted to be friends with her anymore.

We definitely needed to have a talk once we got home, and had some privacy.

Finally the stupid movies ended and we went home. As I watched the movies and thought about what had happened I just got more and more pissed off.

Vicky better just agree with whatever I said to her, because I was really over her shit!

Jasper parked his truck in my driveway and I immediately jumped out, walked around the truck and grabbed Vicky by the wrist and dragged her into the backyard.

"What the hell was that shit you pulled back there?" I asked furiously.

"Oh, Edward! You should be thanking me." Vicky laughed.

"What?!" I was confused. "Thank you? For what? For hurting one of the most important people in my life?"

She just laughed softly. "We could have been so good together. I always knew you were holding back, and as soon as I saw how you looked at her, Bella, I knew

why. I just don't understand why you would 'settle'. You could do so much better."

"Tomorrow, you're leaving." I said angrily. At this point, I no longer cared for her feelings or anything else about her. "I don't want you here. I don't want to talk to

you or see you." I turned away from her and walked towards the house.

"Don't worry. I will go." Shed said softly and followed me inside. "But this is not over. We are not over yet Edward Cullen. You still respond to me...you still want me,

and I can wait."

"That's where you're wrong!" I looked her directly in the eye. "I don't care about you...I don't even like you anymore. What we had...did before means nothing,

because you are nothing. You're right though we aren't 'over' because we never 'were'". And with that I walked into my bedroom and shut and locked the door. I

didn't need her sneaking in here in the middle of the night.

The next day dawned bright and hot and I escorted Victoria Wild out of my house and out of my life.


	16. Chapter 16 Disappearing

I must have fallen asleep at some point. The ringing of my phone startled me awake early in the morning. I groaned and looked at the clock. Only 8:30 in the

morning, much too early to be woke up by a phone call. I frowned as I looked around the room trying to figure out where I left the little bugger. Then I saw it on the

floor at the foot of my bed.

Yesterday I had had several missed calls. I didn't realize this until now. When Jake had called me to ask me out, I was so excited to get home and get ready for our

date that I didn't check my call logs or messages. I checked them now. I had one from Edward's phone, six from Alice and two from Esme. No messages were left

though. I had been working when I got them, and then after work I had been in such a hurry...my hopes had been high yesterday for my date with Jacob.

My date with Jacob. I snorted. I should have known better, I'm such a fool.

Speaking of the devil. Why the Hell was Jake calling me this morning? He said he wouldn't. I guess he can't be trusted in any way.

I sighed and stretched and realized my body felt like I had been run over by a Mack truck. I got up and walked over to my full-length mirror to see if I looked as

battered as I felt. I removed all of my clothes and just stared at my body.

I had little bruises all over my body, but I didn't look as bad as I felt. My wrists had a circuit of bruises around each one, you could almost see the impression

of Jake's hands. My stomach wasn't bruised at all, but was one of the most painful areas...other than down there...where I did have bruises on my inner thighs. I

touched myself, and pushed on my flesh, feeling the tenderness on my pubic mound. I studied my face last. I expected to have two black eyes, but surprisingly my

cheeks only looked a little dusky. I had dark purple circles under my eyes, and they were red-rimmed and blood-shot from crying. But my eyes, they had no sparkle,

I realized for the first time ever that my eyes were pretty, usually, in comparison to today. Today my eyes looked flat...lifeless.

I thought I would look different too, having lost my virginity...like I would show some new inner knowledge, but I still looked like plain old Bella.

I decided to call in sick to work. Today was Burger King, and I so didn't feel like making burgers, and taking orders. I didn't feel fit to be around other people right

now. After doing that, I went back to bed and pulled the covers over my head. I wasn't going anywhere today. I was just going to wallow and hibernate. Tomorrow I

would get back to life.

I was so tired and just wanted to go back to sleep, but I was afraid to close my eyes. The events of the last two horrific nights kept playing in my mind. First Edward's

sexcapades with Victoria, and then the brutal beating and violation of Jacob. What Jacob did to me physically would fade away eventually, mentally I don't think I will

ever look at guys or trust guys the same way. As for Edward...well, he thinks of me as his little sister. That would explain why he didn't know that what he was doing

would hurt me. I could eventually forgive him...I loved him. And I don't think Edward would ever do to a girl what Jake did. Edward was too much of a gentleman.

As I laid there, tying to sleep, trying to not sleep, I made plans. I needed to disappear for a while. I needed to start over. I needed to be reborn. I needed to take

absolute control of my life, and leave childish, immature Bella behind. It was time to grow up and move on.

I realized as I listened to my phone ring again and again throughout the course of the morning, that the first thing I needed to do was change my phone number.

8:45 AM-Jacob Black

9:01 AM-Edward Cullen

9:15 AM-Jacob Black

9:29 AM-Jacob Black

9:33 AM-Alice Cullen

9:45 AM-Jacob Black

10:02 AM-Jacob Black

10:13 AM-Jacob Black

10:29 AM-Edward Cullen

10:31 AM-Jacob Black

10:35 AM-Alice Cullen

10:37 AM-Esme Cullen

10:45 AM-Jacob Black

After that I powered my phone off so I could rest and think.

I plotted and planned over the next couple of hours and made some important decisions. I started a mental list of all I needed to get down tomorrow.

That first day, the only time I left my bedroom was to take care of my basic needs in the bathroom. I didn't even go down to the kitchen to eat.

I stared up at the ceiling...seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours. Day turned to night. Now that I had my plans in my mind I felt better and I finally

closed my eyes and slept.

I woke up the next morning refreshed and ready to face the day. I had so much to do though, that I called in sick to both jobs that I was supposed to be at today.

Burger King again, and Kroger's Grocery.

I checked my call logs. Over a hundred missed calls. Most of them from Jacob. That boy was crazy. Bat shit crazy! I didn't bother listening to the voice mail, just

deleted them all with a press of a button.

I dressed carefully...trying to hide my bruises.

First up, the phone store. I told the sale associate that I wanted a new phone, and phone number. I wanted to start an entirely new contract. I didn't want any kind of

connection with my old number and my new one. I also requested to be unlisted.

After the phone store, I headed to Salon/Hair. A discount hair salon. The beautician was very excited when she heard what I wanted to do. She said that I could

donate my hair to 'locks of love' if I wanted to and the idea of someone else getting a wig, and some use out of my hair, strengthened my resolve. I agreed, and took

a deep breath. She put my hair into two pig-tails and quickly braided them then cut above the top rubber band. She handed me the two thick braids, over 2 feet long

each, then proceeded to style and bleach my hair. **(Image on profile)**

Two hours later I walked out of the salon with platinum blonde hair cut in a short spiky messy style. I had also indulged myself in the piercing's that I wanted. One in

my belly button, one in my nose, one in my right ear, and three in my left. Anyone who knew me and saw me now would have to do a double or triple take to realize

that this is Isabella Swan.

Next up, the women's free health clinic. I spoke briefly with a counselor about what had happened to me. She asked if I had gone to the police and I told her no and

that I had no plans to either. I could tell she didn't agree with me, but it's my body and my life, and she couldn't force me to do it. She ran some tests and drew my

blood then gave me pamphlets about S.T.D.'s and their symptoms...what to look for. And lastly she gave me a pink packet that said "Plan-B" on it.

"This is what is commonly called the morning after pill. Even though you are on birth control pills it would be better not to risk a pregnancy. Take these pills as one

dose. They will help prevent any fertilized egg from implanting into your uterus. You may feel some nausea for a couple of days after taking these, but that is normal.

If you miss your next period, come back immediately." She said all of this in a calm and gentle way.

"Thank you for your help." I said, and then left.

Next up on my list...new job. I had decided that I would not be going back to any of the current jobs I had, except for the housecleaning jobs. I didn't want anyone to

be able to find me. I put in applications at several different places, and actually interviewed immediately at Wendy's and AMC Fairlane Movie Theater. I hoped for call

backs soon. I was going to need money.

Now, on to a place to live. I went to Mrs. Clearwater's, one of the seniors I cleaned house for. I knew that she rented rooms in her house. Thankfully she had the

basement apartment available immediately. If was fully furnished and ready to move in. Because Mrs. Clearwater had known me for so long, she gave me the key

and said I could move in anytime, but wouldn't charge me rent until September. Also we worked it out that I would pay her considerably less than what she normally

charged, and I would continue to clean her home in exchange for the cost. I knew I was making out on the deal, but I wasn't going to complain or look a gift horse in

the mouth.

Other than actually moving, I only had one more thing I felt I had to do now. Write a letter to Alice. I didn't want to call or text her, because I didn't want her to have

my new phone number yet. I wanted to get over my anger with Edward, before everyone had my number again. I guess I could send her an e-mail, but this was so

much more important, she was more important than sending a brief missive into cyberspace.

I went back to Renee's house and up to my room. Alice was leaving at the end of the week, to get settled in at school. Carlisle and Esme were going with her, and

then coming home for a day or two and then heading off to Europe. I needed to get the letter to her before she left, so I was going to have to hand deliver it. I would

have to sneak it over at night. I didn't want anyone to see me. I didn't want them to see my new look, and I didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

I decided I needed to also be moved out of Renee's house before I delivered the letter. That way if they came to see me, they wouldn't find me.

I spent the next several hours packing my few possessions. I was done fairly quickly as I really don't have much more than my clothes and books and laptop and mp3

player.

I sat down to write my letter.

Dear Alice,

First of all I want you know that I'm not angry with you, and I don't blame you for what happened. You have truly been like a sister to me. You're my best friend

in the world.

For reasons I don't want to discuss right now, I have disconnected my phone.

I know you're leaving soon and I want you to know I wish you only happiness and success at college. I know you will accomplish whatever you want, because you

have the ability to believe in yourself.

Take care of yourself.

Your Friend Always,

Bella

I had four bags of stuff packed to move. I grabbed two of them and started the long walk to Mrs. Clearwaters. When I got there I unpacked what I had brought and

sat down to make a list of things I would need to buy for my apartment. I was debating whether to get the other two bags tonight or just crash here and get some

sleep.

I didn't consciously make the decision, I just feel asleep on the couch while formulating my list.

When I woke up the next morning, the sun was shining through the high basement windows. It was early yet, but I wanted to finish moving so I headed to get the

rest of my stuff.

Renée would be happy. I would soon be out of her hair. There was less than a month until my 18th birthday, but she had been trying to push me out the door all

summer. Neither Renée nor Phil would miss me once I was gone.

I made one last tour of the house to make sure that I hadn't missed anything of mine. I wouldn't be coming back, so I had to make sure I had everything that was

mine. Assured that I had everything I jotted a quick note to Renée.

Renée, Here's your key. Goodbye. Bella

I left my house key on the counter with the note. Looked around the room, took a deep breath and walked out the door. I locked it before closing the door, and

closing that chapter of my life.

By lunchtime that day, I looked at my childhood home for the last time.

I walked to my new home. Exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically. As soon as I walked in the door of my new apartment, my new life, I felt the

overwhelming sadness and finality of my actions. I laid down on the bed and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night. It was after 2am. I pulled a hoodie out, and walked to the Cullen house to deliver my letter to Alice.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.


	17. Chapter 17 The Skies Were Weeping

September came and brought a lot of rain with it. School also started. I was only taking four classes, but it was still considered full-time. I managed to get all early

classes, so I was done by noon each day. That gave me time to work in the afternoon and evenings.

I got the job at the movie theater and I loved it. I got to see any movie for free, and I was one of the theater cleaners/ushers, so I didn't really have to deal with the

movie patrons all that much. It was a relief, and it gave me anonymity that I craved. Not to mention that Fairlane Mall was very close to H.F.C.C.

I also got the job at Wendy's, but I had to deal with the public with this job. I also had to take the bus to get there, it was a little out of my way...and too close to the

Cullen house. It was okay for now, I guess, with all of them out-of-town. I would wait to see if it would matter later.

Thankfully Mrs. Clearwater's house was close to the bus lines that ran 24/7 so I was able to get everywhere I needed to go.

My birthday dawned a miserable, rainy, stormy day. It was definitely an omen. A bad omen. Even the God's and the skies were weeping on this day of my birth. I

went to the Secretary of State office to register to vote, and get an i.d. I had never taken driver's ed, Renée wouldn't pay for it or sign off and allow me to take it, so I

didn't have a driver's license. I needed some kind of picture i.d. to prove who I was.

I did have some things to be thankful for. I had been prepared and took the initiative. I took that away from Renée, not giving her the chance to kick me to the curb

on my birthday. I left on my own and just disappeared from her life, like I never existed. I wanted to hate her..but I couldn't. I hoped she was happy now.

I had been working and saving money for four years. I had quite a bit of money saved up. I mean, I still had to work and keep making more money, but I would be

okay.

My encounter with Jake had no repercussions, so far. No pregnancy, and thankfully all of my blood tests had come back negative. Of course, I would have to be

checked every six months for the next 10 years, as some diseases took that long to show up...but I felt confident that I had come out of that situation, fairly

unscathed.

And finally, I had somewhere to go. Mrs. Clearwater was a wonderful, grandmotherly type women. I'm so glad I met her, and she and I had a give and take

relationship. She needed me, and I needed her.

The basement apartment that I was letting from her was the answer to a prayer. It was fully furnished, with pots and pans and linens. It was just a large open

space with a bathroom under the stairs. A mini-kitchen set-up with a two-burner cook-top with oven and a mini-fridge/ice box. There were shelves along the wall over

the sink and counter tops, for me to put my food and kitchen wares on. In the middle of the room was a large area rug with a couch, a chair and ottoman. A coffee

table sat in the middle of the furniture grouping facing a small colored T.V. on a stand. I got basic cable with my rent because it didn't cost my landlady any thing to

run an extra line down to me. Behind the T.V. was a silk screen, set up as a room divider. Behind the screen was a full-sized bed, dresser and bedside table. It wasn't

much, but it was more than enough for me. My apartment also had a private entrance, so I didn't have to answer to anyone and I could come and go as I pleased,

without disturbing anyone.

I missed Alice. My one true best friend. After the drive-in and what happened the next night with Jake, I just needed space to heal and recover my sense of self. I had

completely cut myself off from everyone...everything, that I knew. Sometimes I wished I hadn't, but I couldn't go back and change the past, so I had to do the best I

could with where I was now.

I settled into a routine. School, work, sleep. Over and over, day after day.

I saw Jake at school sometimes, but he didn't recognize me. We didn't have any classes together, thankfully, but I would catch a glimpse of him as I was walking

around campus.

It helped that I had my new hair and look, and I was wearing makeup. I embraced the goth/emo makeup that Karen had introduced me to back in high school. I

really did look a lot different now, and was losing weight again, so I was thinner, and had cheek bones now.

Ever since the Jake thing, food just didn't taste good anymore. I wasn't anorexic or bulimic. I wasn't purposely starving myself. I wasn't sticking a finger down my

throat to throw up. When I looked in the mirror, I could see I was getting too thin. I could see my hip bones jutting out...I could count my ribs. I was hungry all the

time, just nothing tasted good. Everything tasted like saw dust and dirt. I drank a lot of coffee, and the few things that did taste okay, I always kept in stock in my

fridge...grapes, apples, orange juice, cottage cheese, carrots, and red peppers.

School was a lot harder than I thought it would be. After a couple of weeks, I had to drop one of my classes. I just couldn't keep up with all of the homework, and

unfortunately, I had to work, so I had to make the hard decision of dropping a class. I decided to drop the class I was struggling the most with...French. I hated the

fact that I had to do it, but I really needed to get good grades, and that class would have pulled my GPA down. I didn't know what I wanted to do yet, but I knew that

I had to keep my options open.

Then it happened. Jacob Black came in to Wendy's and recognized me. My new cover was blown. I could see that he really like my new look too...which pissed me off.

After taking his order and serving him, he went and sat down in a seat in the dining room where he could watch me. It was creeping me out. Every time I would look

up I would catch him staring at me, and when he saw me look at him, he would smile and wink at me.

I told my manager at Wendy's about Jake...not everything, just a basic "he's my ex and I think he's going to cause me problems." My boss understood, but as long as

he wasn't causing any problems in the dining room, or disrupting the other patrons, he was unwilling to do anything about it. As he pointed out, he was a paying

customer, and had a right to be there.

I managed to avoid Jake still at school, but I knew that now that he knew what I looked like now, it was only a matter of time.

I applied for a job at CVS Pharmacy and was hired to work as a pharmacy technician. I quit Wendy's the same day. I hoped by disappearing from there, I could avoid

Jake. He had been spending a lot of time there, buying an item and then sitting in the dining room staring at me. Another advantage of working at the drug store, it

was closer to where I lived and to school.

There was a lot of training at first. I thought it would be easy, I mean how hard can it be to count pills. I was quickly disabused of that idea. The job was stressful.

Phones ringing, customers needing to be rung up, and the constant flow of prescriptions to be filled. Sometimes the customers were completely irrational and

demanding, but I found that I loved it. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.

Finally I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I could become a pharmacist.

I went to talk to my advisor at the college to find out what I needed to do to go to pharmacy school, and how much I could do here at H.F.C.C. before transferring. I

learned that you had to apply to pharmacy school, and that not everyone was accepted into the programs. It was a lot of science (good) and math (bad) and that

becoming a pharmacist required a 6-year doctorate (really bad). I went ahead and got the information for schools in the area that I could apply to and then left the

office.

As I was coming out of the building I ran into Jake and a group of his friends...literally. I had my head down, and wasn't paying attention to where I was going, when

I ran smack into a hard wall of a chest. When I looked up, I was disgusted to see Jacob, and he was smirking down at me. He had grabbed my arms, to balance me

and keep me falling on my backside, when I had bounced off of him. I would have ignored him and just walked away, but he still held my arms, and for some reason

he wanted to torment me. To make my life miserable. He slowly ran a finger down my jaw line, and bent to kiss me.

I wrenched myself from his arms, and glared at him. "Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me again." I said, and then walked away as fast as I could, without falling.

Every time I saw him after that, he would be with a group of guys and when they saw me they would start laughing at me. It seemed like he and his friends were

everywhere, and I could no longer avoid them. I saw them everywhere. One by one they would come over to me and ask me out...to hook up. I'm not sure what he

told them about what had happened between us, but I'm sure it wasn't the truth. He must have just told them that I was a sure thing...easy.

The problem was everyday more and more guys would come up to me and ask me out. Jacob Black was ruining my reputation...my life, and he was undermining my

self-worth. Every day I felt more depressed. It was hard for me to come to school, because I feared running into him and his pack of friends that would harass me.

It was a couple of days before Christmas break and I had hit my limit. No less than 12 guys had hit on me today. Every one of them with a smirk and a nod when I

said no.

Jake came over then. This was different, because he normally wouldn't approach me. But for some reason he wanted to talk to me today. I was close to tears...I

really didn't know how much more of this I could take.

"Hey Bella!" Jake snickered. "You want me give you another chance...are you waiting for me to ask you out? Is that why you keep turning down all of my buddies?

You want another ride on me?" Now he was laughing. "You have turned down every guy that has asked you out, and I know that you're not a prude, so are you

saving yourself for me?"

"Hardly, Jake. I would rather die!" I snapped back.

"Well, if that's how you feel, maybe you should kill yourself and stop wasting space. Whatever, Bella, all you are is a slut, and every guy at this school knows it." Then

he walked away laughing.

I don't know why I let him get to me. Why I let him affect me in this way, but I was feeling so low, so worthless, so depressed.

Maybe I should kill myself. God knows no one would miss me. No one would know or care. I had already disappeared out of the lives of just about every person I

knew and cared about. None of them were looking too hard for me. I basically had no friends. No family. No life. I couldn't even handle college, having to drop one of

my classes right off. I was a failure. I was a loser. I was unloveable. My reputation was in tatters, as far as every person I encountered at this school was concerned,

I was a slut.

I went home and laid down on my bed for a while. While I was laying there it felt like I was drifting off, like I was dreaming. I was floating above my body, watching

myself.

I watched myself stand up and walk to the kitchen area. I picked up a sharp knife and stared at it for the longest time, turning it slowly around and around. Slowly,

I brought the knife down to my wrist and ran the blade over my wrist, switched hands, and ran it over my other wrist. I watched as the blood started pouring out of

the slashes I had created, watched as it poured out of my body. I watched as I dropped the knife to the ground, and started screaming.

Then I wasn't watching anymore, I was doing...and I was freaking out.

Shit! Fuck!

I looked down in horror at the blood gushing out of my wrists. What did I do? Was I crazy? What the hell possessed me to do that? I don't want to die! I'm not ready

to die!

Shit!

"Where the hell is my phone?" I muttered. God! There was blood everywhere.

I found my phone and quickly dialled 9-1-1. I was getting light-headed.

"9-1-1, what is your emergency?" said the voice that answered.

"I'm bleeding real bad and I need help." I moaned. "I'm getting dizzy...I think I'm going to faint."

The calm voice asked, "What is your location?"

But it was too late, my eyes rolled back and all there was, was blackness.


	18. Chapter 18 Isabella, Where Are You? EPOV

Isabella wasn't answering her phone. I kept trying to call...no luck. I tried to call from Alice's phone, still no go. In a last-ditch effort I tried from Esme's phone...no

answer. Then all of a sudden a message came up saying her phone number was no longer in service. Shit!

I went by her house, but her mom acted like she had no idea who Isabella was. What the fuck. That woman was just bat shit crazy.

After what Victoria did at the drive-in last weekend, I immediately put her on a plane back to New York. God! What a bitch, but hating on Vicky did not help me find

Isabella. She had gone into hiding and no one had seen her since 'Victoriagate'.

I was still in shock about what Alice had told me. I could hardly believe that Isabella loved me. God! How long has she felt that way? How much time did I waste? I

was an ass! A fool! I just wanted to talk to her. I needed to talk with her. Where was she?

Then a couple of days later, the day before Alice, Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme were leaving to get the pixie settled in to her dorm, Alice got a letter. It had no

postage on it so obviously Isabella had put it in our mail box herself. But when? It had to be when no one was around...or when we were all asleep.

Alice was devastated by the letter.

"She makes it sound like we will never see each other again." Alice said, sniffling.

"Let me see." I held my hand out for the letter and Alice handed it to me. I quickly read it.

_Dear Alice,_

_First of all I want you know that I'm not angry with you, and I don't blame you for what happened. You have truly been like a sister to me. You're my best friend in_

_ the world._

_For reasons I don't want to discuss, I have disconnected my phone._

_I know you're leaving soon and I want you to know I wish you only happiness and success at college. I know you will accomplish whatever you want, because you_

_ have the ability to believe in yourself._

_Take care of yourself._

_Your Friend Always,_

_Bella_

Alice's eyes flashed angrily at me. "YOU! This is your fault!"

I felt a weariness push down on me. Yes, this was my fault and yes it did sound like a 'goodbye' not a 'see you soon.'

"Come on Alice, you're going with me to her house." I grabbed her hand and my car keys and we headed out.

This time when we knocked, a man came to the door. This must be Renee's boyfriend...Phil.

"Yeah, whatcha want?" he slurred at us.

"Is Bella home?" Alice asked, hope in her voice and eyes, shining from her face.

"Bella moved out. She's gone. No idea where she went. She took her stuff and just left." Phil muttered.

Alice burst into tears and I put my arms around her. I guided her back to my car and helped her in, walked around the front, started teh car and slowly drove

home...defeated.

We couldn't find her, so I never got a chance to apologize to her. To make it right. I lost her. But how do you lose something that you never had.

I didn't see her for the rest of my summer break and I ended up going back to school without hearing from her. I didn't know where she was or if she was even alive

at this point, and that was seriously messing with my head.

I was trying to work hard in my classes, but I couldn't concentrate very well and my grades reflected this fact. I stopped hanging out with my friends on campus,

spending all my free time staring at the ceiling in my dorm room, thinking about Isabella.

I needed to see her...needed to find her. I needed to know that she was okay. I checked in with Alice at least twice a week, but she hadn't heard from Isabella since

the drive-in. With every week that passed, Alice got more and more pissed off with me. I was frustrated. I couldn't fix this. What was I supposed to do, if she didn't

want to be found. For Gods sake, she had done everything in her power to disappear.

I just didn't know where to begin looking for her. She could have moved to Alaska for all I knew.

I didn't go home for Thanksgiving break. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle had not returned from Europe yet. They would be coming home in the middle of December.

Little did I know, that things were going to change drastically and rapidly.

My best friend at school, Sam Uley, could see I was depressed. He was constantly trying to get me to do things, go to parties, and introducing me to girls. He was

having a party before we left for Christmas break, and told me that I was going, whether I wanted to or not.

Sam told me about his younger cousin, who was coming to visit and party with us. He was from Dearborn too, according to Sam and was attending Henry Ford

Community College. His cousin's name was Jacob Black, and he had been a little down lately too. According to Sam, Jake had met the girl of his dreams over the

summer, but now she was being a total cock-blocker. Stringing Jake along, leading him on and teasing him.

I figured at least the two of us could commiserate in the lack of love department.

The day of the party arrived and I was really not looking forward to it, to try to socialize with a bunch of happy, drunk, college kids. But I had promised Sam that I

would go. Jake showed up and we started talking about school, and growing up in Dearborn. Trying to find some common ground. I really didn't have anything in

common with him, but for Sam's sake I tried.

Finally Jake got around to talking about his girl.

"You know how girls are?" He whined. "They say no with their words, but their bodies are begging to be fucked. Everything about their actions are saying yes, yes,

yes. Well, that's what my girl is like, she had to be convinced, but once we got going she was into it. She is amazing, but now she won't allow me to get near her. I

mean, when we did it, she was begging me by the time we were done." He had a cocky smile on his face.

He was trying to justify his actions, but it sounded like date-rape to me. I must have looked skeptical because he decided to give me more detail. He described how

she had dressed...shorts and a tank top...slutty. Her clothes were begging to be striped off of her. He described her body, how it was made to drive a man crazy with

lust. Her nipple's peaking under her thin t-shirt, her perfect breasts, so firm and full. Her tiny waist, and the way her hips flared out. Her long legs perfect for

wrapping around his body. Her long brown hair, Her big brown eyes...eyes that were begging to be fucked and fucked hard.

She kinda sounded like Isabella.

He told me about how they met, at the park. How she was reading one of those sappy, period love stories...the kind that the English teacher made you read.

More like Isabella.

He said that she seemed very eager to give her phone number to him, and it was her real number too, so she had to want him. So he obliged her and took her out

bowling. How excited she seemed when he called and invited her. She was excited and ready for him. She ran out of her house as soon as he pulled up, to pick her

up, she was so eager.

He described how after bowling, they took a ride down Hines Drive, she never protested or complained. Everyone knew that's where you go to fuck.

So I casually asked him, "What's your girl's name?"

His eyes got a far-away look in them and he said. "Bella." He had a huge smile on his face. Shit! He had to be talking about my Bella.

"How long have you known her?" I asked, kicking myself...did I really want to know this. Obviously Isabella had moved on.

"We met in early August, and went on our first date the second weekend. We go to the same school. I love watching her walk around campus and seeing all the guys

drooling over her." He boasted.

Shit that was the weekend that we all went to the drive-in. Did I drive Isabella into this idiots arms. did I cause her more injury by causing her to date a guy who

thought it was his right to have sex with a girl even when she said no?

"And then after we got together she got her nose pierced, and she cut all of her hair off in this really wild, short, sexy style. She always looks like she was just

fucking, and she bleached it blonde. She has got to be every mans wet dream. When they see her, they can't help but want to fuck her."

I didn't want to hear anymore.

"Her body is something else man." Jake went on, not noticing my discomfort. He started describing her again, "Her tits are so firm and her nipples..." he groaned, his

eyes glazing over, "Man her nipples are so small but hard as little pebbles and dark pink, and against her pale skin, they just beg to be bit and sucked on.

I think I'm going to vomit.

"And, God, her pussy was so tight..." he went on.

That was it! I couldn't take anymore. I walked away from him, before I knocked him out. I left the party and went back to my dorm...problem is now I had more

detail to go with my fantasies.

I needed to get home. I needed to find Isabella. She can't love this loser. She can't want to be with him.

I only had two finals on Monday then I was done. I would head home to Dearborn as soon as I finished the second exam.

At least I knew one place to look for her...this time I was going to find her.

I couldn't focus to study for my finals, I'm pretty sure I failed both of them.

The first thing I did when I got back to Dearborn, was to try Isabella's mom's house again. Maybe she had heard from her.

"What do you want?" Renée asked. She looked hung over and tired.

"My name is Edward Cullen, and I was wondering if I could speak with Isabella." I said calmly. I needed to keep my cool if I wanted answers.

"Who?" She asked.

"Isabella...your daughter." I prompted her.

Renée raised one of her eyebrows, then sighed. "Listen, I never wanted to be a mother. I made a deal with my ex. I would take care of Bella until she turned 18.

Lucky for me, Bella decided to move out before her 18th birthday. I haven't seen or heard from her since, and I'm okay with that. As far as I'm concerned, I was set

free the day she left. If you want to find Bella, you will have to talk with her friends, not me. We were never close. She never confided in me. She left and she didn't

leave a forwarding address...and that's just fine by me.

I ran my hands through my hair. "Okay listen, I need your help. My cousin Alice is her best friend, and she doesn't know where she is. We haven't heard from her

since August. Do you know where she was going to go to school? Where she worked? Where she moved to?" I was frustrated. How could this woman be for real?

Renée looked at me hard. "You really care about her, don't you?"

"Yes" I whispered, waiting.

"Well, she was going to community college, I'm not sure which one. I really don't have any idea where she moved to. As far as working, I know she worked in a fast

food restaurant, but I don't know which one. The only reason why I know that, is because she would come home smelling like burgers and fries and it would make me

hungry. That's all I know. I don't have any other information that can help." She shrugged.

"Thank you." I sighed. There was so much I wanted to say to her about what a horrible person...mother she was, but I didn't want to waste any more time with her.

God! I knew it was bad, but I didn't know it was this bad. What must that have been like? Growing up with her. How could Isabella turned out as sweet as she was

with a mother like that. And did she know what her mother had planned for her? She never said anything to me, and I'm pretty sure if she had told Alice about it,

Alice would have got Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme to help her out.

To make sure, I called Alice.

"Hello?" She answered after the fourth ring.

"Alice, hey it's Edward. I have to talk to you and it's important. do you have time to talk right now?"

"Yeah, Edward, what's up?"

"What do you know about Isabella's relationship with her parents?" I asked.

Alice snorted. "How long do you have?"

Hmmm, that didn't bode well.

"Alright, to the point. Did you know, and more importantly, did Isabella know that she would be homeless on her 18th birthday?"

I heard Alice gasp. "I don't know if Bella knew, but I definitely didn't. She never said anything about that to me! I know that there wasn't a lot of love there. She

never called her parents anything but 'Renee and Charlie'. I also know that her dad left when she was three, and moved to Forks, Washington, and that Bella hasn't

seen him since then. I also know that Bella had really bad self-esteem issues, because she was 'unloveable' or why else would both of her parents treat her the way

they did."

Wow! Shit! "Alice, do you know where she is? Has she called you yet?"

"No" She said. I could hear her voice crack. "You have to find her Edward!"

"Okay, but one last question. How long did you know that she loved me?"

Alice sniffled. "To be honest, she never told me, but I figured it out myself...that night at the drive-in. Everything all of sudden made sense. She would always ask

how you were doing. Every time I told her you had a new girlfriend she would suddenly get a headache and need to go home. To be honest, Edward, I think she loved

you from the first time she met you."

Shit! "Thanks Alice, I got to go!" Fuck! I put both hands in my hair and pulled and then sighed. Now what?

I sat in my car and wondered where else I could look. I figured I would check out Henry Ford Community College next.

When I got to campus, I just walked around, looking to see if I could find her. I didn't see her. Every time I came upon two or more guys I could hear them talking

about the campus slut, and according to all of them, they had all fucked her, or at the very least gotten a blow job from her. A few of them referred to her by

name...Bella.

I was stunned. What had happened to her? That just didn't sound like my Isabella. I guess people can change though. I left, broken-hearted. I didn't know if I wanted

to find her anymore. I needed to go home, and think this through.

I drove home slowly...so many thoughts running through my mind. I pulled into the garage and pushed the button to shut the big door behind me. I felt like crying. I

slammed my head into my steering wheel several times, trying to alleviate the emotional pain with some actual physical pain.

"Isabella..." I moaned. I opened my door, trying to get out, but a wave of dizziness and nausea washed over me. I sat back down in the car seat and closed my eyes,

fighting the urge to vomit. I must have passed out or fell asleep, my car still running.


	19. Chapter 19 I Really Don't Want To Die

I opened my eyes and looked around.

I was in a hospital room. I was lying on a bed, the walls were a sickly green color and there was a curtain dividing the room in half.

There was a police officer standing at the end of the bed, leaning against the wall. He was talking to another police officer, in the same stance, looking at whoever

was lying in the bed on the other side of the curtain. I could see both cops, but had no idea who else was sharing my room.

I looked down at my body. I was covered in blood...so much blood, and there were bandages on both wrists. I also had an I.V. in my arm.

"I don't want to die." I whimpered.

"Could have fooled me." My cop said, the other one just smirked and shook his head.

I drifted in a haze of pain and disbelief.

What did I do...well obviously I slit my wrists. But I don't wan to die. I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I was on track. I was working toward my

goal. Yeah, it was going to be hard, but I had faith in myself. I knew I could do it. I was young, free, independent. I had the world at my feet. What snapped in my

head. God! I must be crazy! Multiple personalities, schizophrenia, or something. How could I have let this happen?

I tried thinking back to what had pushed me over the edge...caused me to snap, but it was a blank. I couldn't remember anything bad, at least nothing so bad, that I

would want to die. I mean, yeah, my life was shit. And I had the worst parents known to humanity, and I was getting constantly harassed by Jake...Jacob Black! He

told me I should just go kill myself. Why would I listen to him? Why would I do what he said? That fucking prick! I hated Jacob Black!

A nurse walked in. "Okay. Let's get you cleaned up and ready to stitch up." She said in a weary tone. The name on her badge was Leah.

The cops were still talking about me and whoever was in the bed next to me. From what I could gather, another suicide attempt. Some guy had parked his car in his

garage and shut the garage door, and left the motor running so he could go to sleep forever.

Leah grabbed my left arm and removed my bandages, and then roughly cleaned the dried blood off of my arm. She repeated this same process on my right arm.

"Is this going to hurt? Do you numb the area first? Before you stitch it?" I whimpered in fear.

"No. You cut yourself without pain killers so we will sew you up without them too." She was smirking at me now.

"Next time, do everyone a favor. Cut up along the vein, not across them. You will bleed out much quicker and have a better chance in succeeding." She said cruelly.

"Then we don't have to waste our time sewing you back up."

"Leah! That was completely inappropriate! Please leave this room. Now!"

Oh shit! Of all the luck, I get Carlisle as my doctor.

"Isabella Swan..." Carlisle looked at me and had to do a double take. "Bella?" He couldn't hide his shock.

I was so pissed off, so of course I started crying, and now that I had started, I was finding it hard to stop. "I don't want to die. I didn't mean to. It was an accident...a

mistake. Please believe me. I don't want to die." I could barely get the words out, and who knew if he could understand me.

Carlisle hushed me and stroked my hair. "Shh...it will be okay Bella. Let me get you sewn up and we will talk about this later."

He was being so kind to me, it made want to cry even more.

He sat down and gently went to work putting the stitches in my skin to close the gaping wounds in my wrists. As Carlisle finished with the last stitch, Esme came in.

Why was she here? Carlisle obviously didn't realize I was his next patient, and he had been with me since. There is no way he could have called home to her.

"Esme, what are you doing here?" he asked, again his face showing his surprise. Esme turned and looked at him, then at me and her eyes widened.

"Bella? Oh god not you too!"

Me too? What was she talking about? Carlisle and I both stared as she went to the privacy curtain and pulled it aside.

Edward!

Carlisle jumped up, as he saw Edward lying in the next bed.

"Edward, son, what happened?"

Edward was laying in the bed next to mine. He had an oxygen mask on and his skin had a strange blue/gray/green tint to it. He looked very sick. He also had a dark

bruise on his forehead.

But Edward had a look of surprise on his face. Then as he looked at me his expression turned to horror. He searched my face and eyes, looking for confirmation that it

was me. He looked down at my wrists and then back to my eyes. He looked frantic...in pain. Tears were in his eyes and he reached his hand across the empty space

between our beds, then let it fall, when I didn't reach for him.

"Why? Edward, why?" Esme cried.

I just stared into his beautiful green eyes. I wanted to know why too! How could someone so popular, so good-looking with so much going for them try to commit

suicide. He was absolutely perfect, his life was perfect, how could he do this? Me, well, I made sense...I guess. But Edward? Why?

Esme sat down on the far side of Edward's bed and took his hand and just wept.

Carlisle had a grim look on his face. He dismissed the police officers. They were both grateful and anxious to leave.

"What's going on here? Edward?" Carlisle asked running his hands through his hair.

I shook my head. I didn't have any answers. We all looked at Edward.

Edward slowly removed the mask off of his face and said in a hoarse voice, "I wasn't trying to kill myself, it was an accident. I hit my head, and must of forgot to shut

my car off, and I was so dizzy...I was just going to shut my eyes for a minute." Then he started coughing. Carlisle walked over between our beds and put the mask

back on Edwards face.

Carlisle turned back to me. "Do you want me to call your mother?"

Edward made a snorting noise and I just shook my head.

"No. Thank you. Renée doesn't need to be contacted." I said in a harsh voice. "My...Renee is no mother and she forfeited all rights to any say in my life a long time

ago...So, no!"

Esme slowly stood up, walked over to Carlisle and pulled him from the room.

Edward turned towards me and reached out his hand to me again. "Isabella?

I looked into his tear filled eyes. I felt bad, he was reaching out to me...I just didn't want to be touched. I shook my head and sighed. Edward was still watching me

and I felt almost suffocated. I closed my eyes and rolled away from him onto my side, drawing my knees up to my chin and burying my face in my legs. I was

shuddering and gasping for breath. Right now I was in a very bad place. I just wanted to be alone in my misery, I wanted to process everything that had happened. I

needed some time to think.

Carlisle eventually came back into the room. He looked down at me with sad eyes.

"Bella, I'm going to have to commit you for three days of observation. If I had a parent or guardian who could take responsibility for you I wouldn't have to do this.

Are you sure that you don't want me to call your mother?" He spoke so softly.

"Yeah I understand and no I don't want to contact Renée. It will probably be a good thing for me. I need to get my head on straight. I need time to figure out what

is going on in there. I do need to call my work to let them know that I need some time off though." I mumbled.

Carlisle handed me his cell phone to use.

I quickly called everyone I needed to and handed his phone back to him.

Throughout this entire exchange I could feel Edward's eyes staring at me, but I didn't look to him or acknowledge him.

"Okay. In a couple of minutes an orderly will be here to take you up to the psych ward." Carlisle looked so sad. "When you are released in three days, Esme and I

would like you to come and stay with us." He said softly. "Please, think about it okay?"

I nodded. I didn't want to be a charity case though. I was wondering how easy it would be to disappear again.

Edward's eyes were frantic and he pulled the mask off. "No! I just found you again. You can't leave me!"

Huh? What was that all about?

Carlisle turned to Edward. "You're being admitted too. Not to the psych ward, but they have to get all of the poison out of your system and kept under observation for

concussion before you can be released. Someone will be down shortly to move you to your room."

Carlisle bent over Edward and whispered, "We will get you whatever help you need, son. We love you! We will all figure this out!"

I swallowed hard, and tears came to my eyes again.

A couple of minutes later an orderly came in with a wheel chair. He helped me off the bed and into the chair and rolled me away, up to the loony bin. As I rolled out

of the room I heard a strangled noise. I finally turned, and looked at Edward again, and he was still watching me, arm outstretched, weeping.


	20. Chapter 20 They're Coming To Take Me Awa

Okay! Three days in a psych ward. I could handle that. Right?

Shit! What if they keep me longer? What if I am crazy? What if I spend the rest of my life locked away? Shit! Fuck!

I was scared out of my mind. I started hyperventilating. I felt my chest get tight. It felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I could feel my eyes

sting as tears formed. I was losing control. I was out of control.

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Help me! Oh God! Help me! Please help me!" I chanted. I didn't realize I was saying it aloud, until I felt a hand rest lightly on my

shoulder. I looked up into the kindest face, with the gentlest brown eyes.

"Isabella? My name is Dr. Angela Weber." She spoke so softly...calmly. I almost had to strain to hear her.

"Can you take a deep breath? In through the nose out through the mouth...Good again...Okay anytime you feel like you're losing control I want you to concentrate on

your breathing. Just keep doing that until everything settles down for you. Better now?" She smiled at me again.

I nodded and strangely enough, I felt much calmer and under control. I liked Dr. Weber. She gave off a comforting air. She seemed really nice...like she really cared

about me.

"Okay Isabella, I will be the doctor in charge of your case. I will be observing you for the next several days. I'm going to need you to talk to me, about everything

that's going on in your life...even if it seems trivial to you, it might be a trigger that I need to know about. I want you to be completely honest with me and yourself. I

need to know what's going on with you so we can figure out the best course of action for you. My goal is to have you out of here, as scheduled, before Christmas.

I nodded at her. Yes. I wanted out of here. More than anything. I would do whatever I needed to do to make sure that happened.

"We will have a session everyday at 1pm for the next three days, starting tomorrow. I will also be monitoring what you eat, what you do during free time, how long

you sleep, how you interact with others and your general mental state. After our session on the third day I will determine where to go from there. Do you

understand?"

Again I nodded, and tried to smile at her. She held my life in her hands, but I really did feel like I could trust her.

She lead me to my room. "This is where you will sleep. You have a bathroom here. You will be locked in at night so you can't wander off. During the day you will eat

your meals in the large room we just passed. There are also T.V.'s and games in there to occupy your time. You will not be allowed in your room from breakfast until

after our session. Dinner will be in the main hall, then group session, then lights out. Understand?"

"Yes, Dr. Weber. I understand. Thank you." I spoke softly.

She smiled at me then said, "See you at group session after dinner."

I did what I had to do. I followed the rules. I participated at group session. Speaking honestly, though I never volunteered information, without a prompt. I only

replied when asked a direct question. I ate the food put in front of me, even though it made me sick to my stomach and it all tasted nasty. I slept when I was

supposed to. Participated in games if someone asked me to, again never initiating anything with anyone. Trying to gain control of my emotions...my life.

During our private sessions I told Dr. Weber everything. And every word that I allowed out of my mouth, lightened the burden. I told her the truth and I told her I

didn't want to die. I wanted to live, to love, te experience happiness...life. I was ready to put my miserable past behind me. I was ready to start over...be reborn...to

be new. I told her how I had tried to do that after the rape. Changing my appearance, taking control of my life and moving out of my bitch of a mother's home.

Dr. Weber thought I had been on the right track, but that I should have gotten counseling immediately after the traumatic event. I never mentioned any names. I

was still determined to not bring his wrath down on me...his derision...his ridicule.

Dr. Weber made me realize I was not at fault, I didn't ask for it. That no man has that right. That 'no means no'.

I still wouldn't confide his name or turn him in.

Every night I curled up into a tight ball and slept deep and dreamless. The emotional exhaustion taking its toll on me.

The routine of the psych ward was soothing to me. I felt calm and in control, which is actually funny considering I was not in control of anything physically around me.

But I was in control of me. I was making decisions for myself and good ones.

On the third day, Dr. Weber told me she was releasing me. I was over the moon ecstatic. She did want me to continue to see her at least once a week and gave me

her business card with my first appointment date written on it. I allowed her to hug me, and said, "See you next week."

As the staff buzzed me out of the locked wing of the psych ward, I had a surprise waiting for me.

Edward!

Edward was waiting for me. He had a worried expression on his face when he saw me and quickly walked over to me.

"Hi" I said shyly. Head down, looking up at him through my eyelashes. I'm not really sure how I feel about him being here.

"Hi!" He whispered back. He took my hand in his and I flinched hard, trying to pull my hand free, but he wouldn't release me. We walked out of the hospital and to his

car.

"How are you?" I whispered. "You look much better."

Edward sighed. "Fully recovered." He smiled at me. "You look much better too!"

I nodded. "Thank you!"

He just stared at me, than slowly raised his other hand to my hair, and I flinched again. "Uhm, I love your new look." I could see the hurt in his eyes from me trying

to pull free.

I just continued to look up at him. I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't know how to make it right between us.

"So... I know Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle invited you to stay with them...with us. Do you want to go to your place and get some stuff to take with you?" Edward

asked. He looked very unsure of himself.

I shrugged. "I don't want to be a burden...a charity case, Edward. I would just rather go home and stay there."

"You're not charity, Isabella, you're family." He whispered as his fingers caressed my cheek then ran his finger down my ear touching my piercings.

"Esme and Carlisle really want you there, and Alice too. She's home for winter break..." he trailed off, like he had more to say.

"Edward." I started to say.

"Isabella." He groaned as he tugged me into his arms in tight hug. My whole body stiffened in rejection. "Don't ever do that again! Don't disappear. Don't leave me

like that ever again." His voice was hoarse with emotion. I was starting to panic.

I lurched out of his arms and wrapped my own arms around my body. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my breathing. I was gasping and panting.

Don't leave him? What was he trying to say. God! It felt so good in his arms, his hands rubbing my back. Oh! I could stay like this forever...it scared me shitless. I

didn't want to depend on him...on anyone. Only myself.

"Isabella, please come stay with us for a while." Edward whispered in my ear, as he pulled me gently back into his arms. Then he kissed my ear. My heart started

beating in a crazy, erratic beat.

"Edward." I moaned. "Don't tease me, don't play with my emotions. Please don't hurt me. I don't think I could survive if you did."

I was losing control. This was not good. I couldn't catch my breath. I was going into a full-blown panic attack.

"Isabella, I'm not playing. I'm serious. I'm not going anywhere." He whispered.

I looked up into his green eyes and he had tears in his eyes. He just held me and stared right back. Suddenly I could breathe again. The world went out of focus and

all I could see was Edward.

My moth fell open in a little ohh of surprise, and then he smiled at me and I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth. It was like I forgot how to smile...it had

been so long.

God! He was beautiful. And it seemed like he felt something more than friendship for me. I would give him a chance. A chance to prove himself...to treat me right. To

see where this could go.

Because despite everything that had happened, all the stupid things that he did in the past. All the stupid things I had done...I still loved him, with all of my broken,

damaged heart.


	21. Chapter 21 Never Let You Go EPOV

I was having the strangest dream. Isabella was there with me. we were walking and holding hands.

"I don't want to die." She whimpered.

Why would she say that?

I looked over at her, but now she was in that idiots, Jacob Black's, arms sighing as he kissed her neck.

"Could have fooled me."

Did Jake say that and what is he talking about?

Then Isabella was moaning and crying. They were not happy sounds.

I walked over and tapped Jake on the shoulder and when he turned to look at me, I head-butted him.

Head-butted?! Why? Although I did realize that my head did hurt.

I tried opening my eyes and was blinded by the bright lights over my head. I turned my head and saw the tell-tale pale green walls of a hospital. Hmmm, I was in a

hospital. Did I really fight Jake?

There was a police officer leaning against the wall at the foot of my bed. Huh! Did I kill Jake?

Then a cranky female voice, "Okay, let's get you cleaned up and ready to stitch up."

The police officer at the end of the bed was talking to someone. Oh, another cop. They were commenting on how much blood the person on the other side of the

curtain had lost.

"Is this going to hurt? Do you numb the area first? Before you stitch it?" A female whispered.

Isabella! Did she jump in between Jake and me? Who was she protecting?

"No. You cut yourself without pain killers, so we will sew you up without them too." Said the cranky nurse.

"Next time do everyone a favor and cut up along the vein, not across them. You will bleed out much quicker and have a better chance in succeeding." The bitch nurse

said. What the fuck! Telling someone how to kill themselves better...quicker.

She continued. "Then we don't have to waste our time sewing you back up."

It hit me then. Isabella had cut herself? She had tried to commit suicide? Why?

"Leah! That was completely inappropriate! Please leave this room. Now!" That was my uncle. I don't know if I'm happy or pissed that he is over there with Isabella.

"Isabella Swan." I hear him mutter as he shuffles the papers on her chart. "Bella?" You could hear the shock in his voice as he realized who was in front of him.

God how bad was it?

Isabella started crying and trying to talk. The words rushed out of her. "I don't want to die. I didn't mean to. It was an accident, a mistake. Please believe me. I don't

want to die."

"Shhh... It will be okay Bella. Let me get you sewn up and we will talk about this later." Carlisle reassured her.

They stopped talking, but I could hear the sounds of medical instruments and her soft hiccups and gasps. Then I heard the clacking of high-heeled shoes walking into

the room.

There was a long, silent pause, then Aunt Esme's voice. "Bella? Oh god, not you too!"

Then the privacy curtain was yanked back and there stood Esme looking down at me with tears in her eyes. Carlisle was sitting on the far side of the bed holding

Isabella's hand.

Oh. My. God! Isabella! She looked nothing like I remember her. All of her hair is gone...her long, beautiful, brown hair...gone. It's blond! Very blond and very short,

and it's sticking out in every direction. She also got her ears pierced, what looks like at least a dozen times. Her left ear is pierced all the way up. And then I see the

glint of the diamond in her nose. Shit! She pierced her nose too? What the hell! As I continued to study her face I realized she was wearing makeup...a lot of makeup.

Something my Isabella never did. She looked so different, yet at the same time, essentially the same. As I looked in her eyes, I realized the biggest difference of all.

Her eyes were dead. No emotion at all. It was my Isabella, just a little harder, angrier, edgier, more knowing...grown up.

"Edward, son, what happened?" Uncle Carlisle looked ashen as he walked towards my bed.

I didn't acknowledge him. I couldn't take my eyes off of Isabella.

She was lying on the next bed, and there was blood everywhere. All of her clothes were covered with the blood stains. Oh my god! Isabella!

I looked back up to her eye's and felt tears in my own. God! I almost lost her forever. I don't know if I could live in a world where she didn't exist. I reached out to

her across the empty space between our beds. She ignored my hand but she never took her eyes off of me.

"Why? Edward, why?" Esme cried.

I couldn't drag my eyes away from Isabella. She had captured my attention and I couldn't pull away. I never wanted her out of my sight again. She looked so sad, so

small, so lost, so defeated, so different.

Esme walked to the far side of the bed, sat in the chair, took my hand and started to softly sob.

Carlisle looked at the two police officers and dismissed them.

"What's going on here?" Carlisle asked. He suddenly looked older as he ran his hands through his hair.

I tried to answer and realized I had an oxygen mask on my face. I lifted it and said. "I wasn't trying to kill myself. It was an accident. I hit my head, and must

have forgot to shut my car off and I was so dizzy. I was just going to shut my eyes for a minute." I couldn't go on as my lungs protested and I started coughing

uncontrollably.

Carlisle walked between Isabella's and my bed and put the mask back on my face.

Carlisle turned back to her. "Do you want me to call your mother?"

I snorted. Then lost track of the conversation as I got real dizzy and was trying to fight the urge to vomit. God the room was spinning.

I felt Aunt Esme stand up and I tried to refocus. She walked to Carlisle and pulled him from the room.

"Isabella?" I looked at her and reached for her again. She stared into my eyes but didn't move. Her eyes we so huge in her face right now, even with all the makeup,

and they were wet with tears that she wouldn't let fall. I just wanted to crawl into her bed and hold her close.

She shook her head and huffed out a big sigh, then rolled away from me, turning her back to me. I watched in dismay. She curled up into a ball. It looked like she

was trying to make herself smaller...less noticeable. Like she wanted to disappear...again. It sounded like she couldn't breath, gasping for breath.

Uncle Carlisle came back into the room and he looked sad. "Bella, I'm going to have to commit you..." What the Fuck?! No! She's not crazy, she's in pain. Isabella

needs her friends to support her, not some nameless, faceless person who could care less. I was lost in my thoughts, hating Carlisle, the world, the situation.

"Okay. In a couple of minutes an orderly will be here to take you up to the psych ward. When you are released in three days, Esme and I would like you come and

stay with us." He paused, taking a deep breath, before continuing. "Please, think about it, okay?"

Isabella nodded. So she agreed to be committed. Why? She's not crazy!

I ripped the mask off my face. "No! I just found you again. You can't leave me!"

Carlisle turned to me and frowned. "You're being admitted too. Not to the psych ward, but they have to get all of the poison out of your system and kept under

observation for concussion, before you can be released. Someone will be down shortly to move you to your room."

Then Carlisle bent over me and whispered, "We will get you whatever help you need, son. We love you! We will all figure this out."

It seemed like seconds later an orderly came in with a wheel chair and was taking my Isabella away. I started to cry, though I tried to hold it in. I must have made a

noise because Isabella turned and looked back at me and I reached my arm out to her again as she was rolled away.

Shit! What if she is crazy and the wont release her? What if they release her and she tries again and succeeds? God! This is so fucked up and it's all her bitch of a

mother's fault.

I was moved to another room. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle sat with me for a long time. They didn't talk, just sat there looking at me. I was thankfully, released the

next day.

Esme hovered over me all day. Finally I had to say something.

"Aunt Esme, seriously, it was an accident. I have no desire to die. I have way too much to live for. Please stop worrying over me. I'm fine." I walked over to her and

hugged her and kissed her cheek.

"Okay, Edward, but if you need to talk, I'm always here for you. And if you wanted to talk to a therapist, that would be fine too! Whatever you want...whatever you

need."

Well, at least that was okay.

Then Alice got home and she had to be told. I pulled her aside after dinner.

"Hey, Pixie" I patted her on the head. "I need to talk to you and I need you to let me tell you everything before you start asking a lot of questions."

She nodded. "Okay."

"I found Isabella. She was in the hospital E.R. after attempting to commit suicide."

Alice gasped, her hands flew up to her mouth, but she didn't say anything, just kept looking at me, waiting for me to continue.

"I actually found her by accident. Maybe it was fate. You see, I was also in the E.R. for asphyxiation. I hit my head the other day and fell asleep in my car. It was still

running and I was parked in the garage with the garage door closed.

They thought I was trying to commit suicide too. It was all a big misunderstanding. Anyway I ended up in the bed next to Isabella. She slit both of her wrists."

Alice started crying and shaking her head.

"Isabella is okay, but they committed her to the psych ward for evaluation. That's where she is now. We're just waiting to hear from them that she has been released.

Esme and Carlisle want her to come here to stay."

I looked to Alice to see if she had any questions, but she just threw herself into my arms and cried.

"Oh, one more thing...Isabella changed her appearance. You wont recognize her." I muttered, still confused with the drastic makeover.

"Do you want to go with me when she is released?" I asked the tiny pixie in my arms.

"Do...do you want me to go?" She asked, sniffling, trying to get her emotions under control.

I smiled at her. "No, not really. I want to see her alone."

Alice nodded "Okay then, but you better make sure you bring her here then. We can't lose her again, We can't let her disappear again."

I nodded. That was the plan. I didn't want to let Isabella out of my sight every again.

The next day we got the call and I went to the hospital to get her. I was waiting just outside the psych ward doors for her to be allowed out. I was getting

impatient...nervous. I wanted to see her. I wanted to make sure she was okay.

The door buzzed and swung open and there she was. Isabella! I sighed in relief as she walked towards me.

"Hi" She said so softly, I almost didn't hear her.

"Hi." I whispered back. Man I was nervous. I took her hand in mine, and she immediately tried to tug her hand away, but I wouldn't let her go. I started to walk out

of the hospital.

"How are you?" She murmured softly.

I sighed. "Fully recovered." Was she? "You look much better too!"

Isabella's eyes went down to the ground and she nodded. "Thank you."

I know I was staring. I couldn't help it. I raised my hand to her short, messy hair and touched it. It still felt like silk.

"Uhm...I love your new look." I just wanted to hold her, and she was trying to pull away . I couldn't let her go!

"So...I know Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle invited you to stay with them...with us. Do you want to go to your place and get some stuff to take with you?" I asked

hopefully.

She shrugged. I don't want to be a burden...charity case, Edward. I would just rather go home and stay there."

"You're not charity, Isabella, you're family." God! She looked so sad...so defeated. I just wanted to see her smile again. I ran a finger down her ear touching all of

those piercings.

"Esme and Carlisle really want you there, and Alice too! she's home for winter break..." and I want you there...I love you! I didn't have the balls to say it though...not

to mention, she looked like a dear caught in headlights. I didn't need to frighten her more.

"Edward..." Dammit she was trying to pull away.

"Isabella." I groaned as I tugged her into my arms to hug her. I felt her whole body freeze, but I just held her. "Don't ever do that again! Don't disappear. Don't leave

me like that ever again." I croaked out. I felt like I was going to cry. And men don't cry. This was so fucked up!

She bolted out of my arms and wrapped her own arms around her body. Like she was trying to protect herself. She was gasping and panting...trying to catch her

breath.

I stepped back up to her and wrapped my arms around her. "Isabella, please come stay with us for a while." I whispered into her ear. I actually really liked all of the

piercings. It was sexy as hell. I softly kissed her ear.

"Edward. Don't tease me, don't play with my emotions. Please don't hurt me. I don't think I could survive if you did." She moaned. I could her the panic in her voice.

"Isabella, I'm not playing. I'm serious. I'm not going anywhere." I whispered, trying to convince her to trust me.

Dammit! I could feel the tears in my eyes as I looked down at my broken Isabella.

Finally she looked me full in the face, looked me straight in the eye. Finally! She believed me. I could see the surprise on her face as she continued to stare up at me.

Her perfect lips twitched into the barest of smiles. It was a start at least.

I would put a full smile back on her face...it if was the last thing I ever did.

I was determined.

I would see her smile again.


	22. Chapter 22 Freedom In A Gilded Cage

I was staring up into the most beautiful green eyes, the most precious face...the man my heart longed to be able to love. I was just so afraid, that my body and mind

would never allow that to happen.

Damn Jacob Black to the depths of Hell! Not only did he take my virginity, but also my trust. I didn't know if I could overcome this mountain of fear and distrust that

he created in me. Men scared me now...all men. Even my beloved Edward Cullen.

"Okay. I will stay with you...I mean I will stay at Carlisle and Esme's...for awhile."

Edward's grin spread across his face. God! He looked so happy to see me...he seemed like he really wanted to be with. Could I be everything that he

wanted...needed.

"I don't know where you were living, so you will have to give me directions." He reminded me.

I gave him the directions, telling him where to turn. we pulled up in front of the large, three-story, turn of the century home. The house had to be over 100 years old.

Made of brick, and built to last...sturdy.

"Wow! You live here?" Edward asked.

"Well, I started cleaning houses when I was 14. The owner of this home, Mrs. Clearwater, was one of my clients. I would clean her home once a week. She lives on

the entire first floor. The top two floors and the basement are all apartments that she rents out. I live in the basement.

As I got out of the car, and started to approach the house, Mrs. Clearwater came out of the front door.

"Bella, dear, thank the Lord! Are you okay?" She looked so worried. "I had to let the E.M.S. drivers into your apartment. I have never been so worried in my life. Child

you gave me quite the scare." She scolded. me. Then she turned to look at Edward, with a fierce and protective look. "Who is this?"

"This is Edward Cullen...he is a friend from high school...His cousin, Alice is my best friend, and their family has asked me to stay with them for a little while, so that I

can recover. Edward, this is Mrs. Sue Clearwater."

She narrowed her eyes at Edward, but nodded. "I have your keys right here. I locked up after they took you away, but I'm afraid I didn't go inside."

"Thank you Mrs. Clearwater, I appreciate everything you did and do for me. It truly does not go unnoticed." I said. "I will make sure everything is cleaned up. Don't

you worry."

Edward and I walked around to the back of the house to my private entrance. I unlocked the door and we went down the stairs.

I found my phone on the little dinette table...covered in blood...my blood. It needed to be charged. I was actually surprised at how little blood there was on the floors.

I guess my clothes soaked up most of it. The sink area, on the other hand, looked like I had butchered something there, and the knife was still in the sink, in a pool of

congealed blood. I had to swallow several times to keep the bile and vomit down. I felt sick. I moaned softly, as I felt sweat pickle on my forehead and the back of

my neck.

I looked away to see Edward walking around the apartment and checking everything out. "This is pretty nice." He said. He continued walking around touching this,

picking up that. He made a complete circuit of the large open space and then came back to me.

"Oh. My. God." I watched his Adams apple bob as he swallowed convulsively. The blood bath was affecting him as well. "Isabella, I wish I had been here for you,

when you needed someone." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into a hug, my back to his chest. I couldn't help flinching. He refused to let me go,

but instead buried his nose in my neck and just inhaled deeply, breathing in my scent.

I felt him sigh and then he softly kissed my neck, right behind my ear. I shivered. God! That felt so good. I took a deep breath and relaxed my body into his.

I probably shouldn't get used to this. I sighed again and pulled away, and this time he let me go.

I grabbed a duffel bag and started packing some clothes. Threw some toiletries in, that I would need and grabbed my cell phone and charger. After I was packed, I

went back to the sink and quickly washed it down, trying not to think about all the blood in there. I washed and dried the knife and put it away. I walked over to the

fridge, grabbed the spoiled milk and dumped it down the drain, then finally turned to look at Edward.

"Okay, I'm ready to go."

"That's all your taking?" He looked around at all of my stuff.

"Well, I figure I'm only staying a couple of days. I have what I need for that long." I said softly.

Edward stared at me long and hard, then shrugged. "Okay, then let's go."

He took my duffel bag from me, put his hand to my back and guided me out and back to his car.

As I got in and buckled up, Edward walked around to his side, tossed my bag in the back seat, got in and started the car. He looked at me like he wanted to say

something, but then shook his head. We drove in silence. I could see that Edward was frowning. I wonder what brought that on...what he wanted to say to me.

When we got to his home, everyone was there waiting. Carlisle and Esme had their arms around each other and big, welcoming grins on their faces. They both looked

extremely happy to see me. Alice and Jasper were there as well. Jasper was holding Alice firmly around the waist as she bounced up and down, clapping, and smiling.

She looked like if he let her go she would tackle me down to the ground.

"Welcome home Bella!" Esme said to me and gave me a huge hug.

Huh?

"Here's you house key and let me show you to your room." Alice said, clapping her hands again. What the hell? My room? "Esme says however you want to decorate

it, is fine with them. It's your space, so do what you want." I was starting to get the picture here...they wanted this to be a permanent move. Shit! I don't know if I'm

ready for this. I like being alone. I like my solitary time...it was relaxing. I didn't like the idea of having to answer to someone. I liked my independence.

Alice opened the door next to Edward's room. The walls were white and blank, hardwood floors, and a massive cherry wood bedroom set that included a king-size

headboard and bed, two bedside tables, a bureau, and dresser. The dresser was obviously the centerpiece of the set. It was huge. It had this huge oval mirror in the

center of the top portion with little shelves and nooks to put stuff in. It was beautiful.

"Uhm Alice, What do you mean? Decorate?" I asked timidly. I needed to make sure.

"Well, if you are staying here...living here, your room should reflect you tastes." Alice shrugged.

Everything started to really fall into place. Edward's comment earlier in my apartment and the confused look he was giving me in the car made more sense. I really

needed to sit down and talk to Carlisle and Esme. This was sweet of them, but I needed to set some things straight. I was not a charity case!

"The room is lovely, Alice, Thank you!" I could be gracious.

Maybe they noticed how little I brought with me, or perhaps Edward said something to them. When I came back downstairs, Carlisle and Esme were ready for me.

They ushered me into the home office and shut the door.

Esme started. "Bella. We know that you are an independent, strong-willed girl...or should I say woman. We both know what your parents are like. We know that you

have had a tough life up to this point. We know that you have worked and supported yourself since you were 14 years old. We also know that you deserve to be loved

and cherished and taken care of. Carlisle and I, well, we have an abundance of love...and we do love you. We would like for you to come here permanently...or at

least until you finish college. We will support you in any way you need. Please let us do this for you. I always longed for more children, and you can help fill that void

in me."

Wow! She hits below the belt. Now if I said no I would be an asshole. Did I want to say no? They were offering me something I had always longed for. Unconditional

love...support...parents...family. I felt my throat start to close. Damn! Panic attack! Breathe...breathe...calm down.

"C-can I still work?" I choked out. Really that wasn't the most important question, but it was what came out.

They both nodded. "But" Carlisle said, "Studies come first. No more part-time college for you. You will go to school full-time. Work will have to come second to your

education. School must be your priority."

I nodded, but frowned. So many questions and thoughts swirled in a jumble in my head, overwhelming me.

"Bella, I know you're not used to being told what you can and cannot do, but we really do only have your well-being and best interest at heart. We want you to

succeed...at everything...at life." Esme was looking at me with a hopeful expression.

I nodded again and accepted the offer placed before me, but I was awash with worry. "I have never had a family to answer to. Please be patient with me...this is

going to be a big adjustment for me." I whispered.

Carlisle and Esme hugged each other than both came and hugged me.

"Let's go celebrate." Esme clapped her hands. Now I could see where Alice got it from. "Anywhere you want to go, Bella! Your choice!"

"Actually, today has been very trying and I'm really tired. I would really just like to go to bed early." I hope I wouldn't disappoint them too much.

"Of course, Bella, we understand." Carlisle said softly, glancing at Esme and giving her some kind of non-verbal signal. She nodded.

I nodded at both of them and slowly walked away to go to my 'new room'. I didn't lie to them. I was exhausted. I needed some time alone, so I could process

everything. This was going to be a major adjustment.

I walked right by the room where Alice, Jasper and Edward were sitting and talking. I didn't make a sound or say anything to any of them...I just wanted to be alone.

I made my way upstairs, entered, and softly closed my bedroom door.

I grabbed some sleep shorts and a camisole and went into the en-suite bathroom to wash up and prepare for bed.

When I was done with my shower, I walked back into the bedroom to find Alice sitting in the middle of by bed, waiting for me.

"Bella, are you okay...I mean, really okay?" She asked her eyes filled with tears and sadness.

"I will be Alice...I promise. Just give me some time and space." I whispered.

She got off of the bed and walked over to me and put her arms around me. "I love you, Bella! I don't want to lose you. Especially now that you have some kind of

style." She teased me, trying to lighten the mood. "By the way, I love your hair, but I loved the way it used to be too!

You have such an edgy look going now. You look tough...and hot!" She giggled

I just shook my head at her. "That's not really what I was going for, when I did it. I just wanted to disappear, I was trying to make myself look so different that no

one would recognize me."

"Well, it worked! If I hadn't known that Edward was bringing you home with him today, I would have wondered who the sexy chick was with him." Her grin covered

her whole face. "How many piercings do you have anyway?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I sighed. "This is just between you and me...I don't want you telling anyone and by this I mean your boyfriend, Jasper or your cousin about the ones you can't see.

Obviously, all the ones that you can see, and yes they are all real, not stick ons. My belly button and both nipples are pierced as well. I was going through a phase.

The pain of the piercings helped keep my mind off of other things."

Alice made a strange, choking sound, her eyes big and round like saucers. "You're kidding! You pierced your nipples?" Poor pixie looked absolutely floored.

I just nodded. "Listen Alice, I'm beat. Can we talk about everything tomorrow?"

She nodded and slowly walked out of the room, glancing back one more time before she shut my door.

I turned on the small bedside lamp and shut off the main ceiling light, and crawled into the big bed. I curled up into my usually tight ball and hoped for a dreamless

sleep.

I don't know if I had any dreams, but the sun shining in my eyes woke me. I was momentarily confused, then remembered I was at the Cullen house...my new home.

I had neglected to shut the curtains last night before I went to bed. I looked at the clock, surprised to see it was after 10am. I was still exhausted though. I closed

the curtains, took care of my human needs, then went back to bed, again pulling my legs up into my chest.

I barely left my bed and I never left my room that day. Every time I woke up I was overwhelmed...oppressed with feelings of lethargy. I felt like I just couldn't cope

right now. Hopefully sleep would help me deal with everything going on in my miserable, messed up life.

I knew I wasn't dealing with my problems, but they would just have to wait. They would all still be there tomorrow.


	23. Chapter 23 Love Of A Lifetime

A person can only sleep for so long. When I woke up again, it was 4am. And this time I was completely rested and ready to conquer the world. The house was dark

and quiet. Everyone in their rooms. I changed into some workout clothes and got down on the floor to do some yoga. The deep breathing and meditative state helped

me focus my thoughts and organize everything in my head. I was able to relax and enjoy the feeling of strength in my body.

Once I was done with intensive yoga workout I took a long hot shower, working out any remaining kinks in my body.

I was ready for the day. Dressed and full makeup, so I went downstairs. 6am and still no one else up. I decided I would make breakfast for everyone to apologize for

my behavior yesterday. I loved cooking, but rarely got a chance to do it.

I put a full pot of coffee on to brew, then started the sausage links. I had everything ready for French toast, ready to cook as each person appeared.

Esme and Edward came in together, with identical worried expressions. It was almost comical how both of their faces changed at the same time, to looks of relief.

"Good morning! I decided to make everyone breakfast today. There's fresh brewed coffee, orange juice, fresh fruit, sausages, and I'm ready to make the French toast

to order." I looked at Edward. "How many pieces would you like?"

There was so much going on in his eyes, on his face. Confusion, fear, pain. He had his hand up in his hair and he kept tugging on it. It made me feel even worse

knowing that I was probably the cause of all of that anxiety.

Finally he stuttered out, "t-two."

I looked at Esme. She nodded and said, "two." The she looked at Edward. "Why don't you wake Alice and let your uncle know that breakfast is ready to be served."

Edward nodded walked out of the kitchen.

"How are you today? Bella?" Esme asked.

I nodded. "Better. I need to talk to you all about it, but I would like everyone here if you don't mind?"

She agreed and just poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down.

I set a plate in front of her and started working on Edward's meal.

Edward came rushing back in, staring at me like he expected me to disappear again at any moment.

"Sit down, Edward. Eat. Would you like some coffee? Some juice?" I asked.

"Coffee." He croaked out.

"How do you take it?"

He cleared his throat. "Just a little cream and half a teaspoon of sugar." He continued to stare at me as I waited on him. I set the coffee in front of him, then brought

over his plate of food.

By this time Carlisle had walked in.

"Good morning! Bella. Good to see you up and about today. I hear you are making French toast. One of my favorites. I will take three, please." As he said this he

fixed his coffee and sat down. He at least treated me like nothing had happened.

Alice bounced into the kitchen then and stopped in shock.

Oh. My. God. Bella!" she screamed.

I looked at her in confusion.

"You're wearing makeup!" She started jumping up and down and clapping.

"Uhm...yeah." I muttered. "How many pieces of French toast?"

"Just one...I have to mind my girlish figure." She giggled.

I nodded and set down Carlisle's plate.

The room was eerily quiet. I finished Alice's food and set it down in front of her.

Then I grabbed my plate, which had a small portion of cottage cheese and some sliced fruit, set it in my place. Poured myself a cup of coffee...black and sat down

with the family.

"Now that everyone is here...I wanted to apologize to you all for yesterday. I know I probably had everyone worried, but I needed some time to process everything."

They all just stared at me.

I sighed. "I'm not used to being accountable to anyone but myself. I know I need to take all of you into consideration now, too. Just give me some time to adjust." I

looked at each person, and everyone nodded at me.

"Now, as I am going to be living here for a while, I need to go back to my apartment and pack up the rest of my stuff...so I need someone..."

"I'll help you." Edward quickly volunteered.

"That's a good idea Edward." Esme said. "Bella, after you're done with that, I would like to take you to some stores to buy whatever you need to decorate your

room." She had a hopeful expression on her face.

I nodded at her. I tried to smile, but I guess it didn't come off right.

"Unless you need more time..." She trailed off.

"No. That would be fine." I said.

"Also, I have my first appointment with Dr. Weber tomorrow, and I will need..."

"I'll take you." Again Edward offered.

"Hey! Quit hogging my best friend." Alice whined.

"Alice. You're going to go shopping with Esme and me today? Right?"

"Well, yeah, of course." She muttered.

I grabbed her hand. "You won't be able to spend time with me when I'm with the doctor. You will be bored, sitting in the waiting room for me.

She nodded, but she was pouting.

Esme looked at me, then Edward. "I will clean up the kitchen, so you two can go get all of Bella's stuff." She said.

Edward nodded. "I'm ready when ever you are." His eyes never left my face.

I stood up and put my plate and cup in the sink.

"Just let me grab my coat." And I headed out of the room. Edward following.

We were silent as he drove over to my apartment. When we got there I handed him a large bag and said. "Why don't you empty out my dresser drawers." I took a

large tote and went into the bathroom to pack all my personal stuff in there. Then moved into the kitchen. I emptied the fridge. Keeping what was good and pitching

out the rest. I left behind the cleaning supplies I had bought. I wouldn't be needing them.

"I'm finished with this dresser, what else do I need to do?" Edward asked.

I walked over to him and took the bag from him. "Grab all the bedding, throw rugs, and used towels. I need to wash everything and bring it back tomorrow." I said.

I had moved over to the bedside table and was removing my intimates, and putting them into the bag. I could feel Edward's eyes on me. I turned to look at him over

my shoulder. He had froze when he saw what I was packing.

He gulped and shook his head, then did what I had asked.

I closed the bag up and grabbed my last tote and packed all of my books, papers and the things I had accumulated over the years that held importance for me.

Edward walked up to me with a full laundry basket and raised his eyebrow at me.

"That's it for now. Let's get this home." I said.

The look of relief and the smile on his face was something to behold. I don't think I have ever seen him look so happy...content.

He set the basket down and pulled me into his arms. Hard. I immediately went into a panic attack. I couldn't control it. I started hyperventilating. The last thing I saw

was Edward's concerned face, then blackness.

When I opened my eyes, I was still breathing hard. Edward was setting me down on the bare bed. His face full of shock and worry.

"Isabella? What happened? Are you okay?" He was frantic.

I moaned, then held up a finger to indicate I needed a minute.

I shut my eyes and focused on my breathing. In...out...in...out. Bringing my breathing and heart rate back to normal. It took me several minutes to calm my body

down.

Finally I opened my eyes and I looked into Edward's shocked ones.

"I'm better now." I whispered hoarsely.

"What just happened." He demanded.

"Panic attack." I said, my eyes looking down at my tightly clenched hands in my lap.

"Do you have them often?" He whispered.

"Only when a man touches me." My eyes were still downcast, but I could feel him stiffen.

"Why?"

I sighed. My body was starting to tremble in reaction. My head shaking back and forth.

I didn't look at him. I couldn't bear to see the look of disgust that was sure to come over his face when he found out.

"Last Summer..." I started out in a hoarse whisper, "I was raped."

I heard him gasp then moan.

"I knew the guy. We were on a date. He wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He beat me, and tore my clothes off of me. Used my clothes to gag me, and pined me

down. Raped me...took my virginity. He left me in the street with my tattered, destroyed clothes, my blood and his semen, dripping..."

I was trying to get my breathing under control again. "He took so much from me and left me with nothing but fear and self-loathing. Oh, and possibly, diseased. I

have been tested for S.T.D.'s and so far so good, but some things can take longer to show up. I'm damaged, destroyed and possibly diseased. I'm not fit to be with

anybody decent now."

I was surprised to hear him curse. "Mother fucker. It was Jacob Black? Wasn't it?" He asked.

I gasped in shock. "How did you know?"

"I go to school with his cousin. We met at a party and he told me about it. Although in his mind it was justified and that you wanted him too! Sick fucking pig." He

muttered.

"Isabella...Look at me...Please?" He was moving his hands slowly towards me.

I slowly raised my eyes to his.

"He had no right to touch you! Make no mistake about that. You are, in no way, responsible for his actions." His hands slowly cupped my cheeks. "He is trash, but

you...You are still perfection."

I was mesmerized by his eyes and voice.

"I love you, Isabella." He whispered.

My eyes opened wide in shock.

"I want the chance to love you the way a man should love a woman. In every way a man can love a woman. I can be patient. I can wait for you to be ready. Please

tell me you will let me. Please tell me you will try to let me." He continued.

I nodded slowly. I was completely dazzled by Edward.

He slowly leaned towards me and gently kissed the tip of my nose, my forehead, each eye, down my cheek to my ear, down my jaw to my chin. "Isabella?" He was

asking permission, I nodded and then his lips were kissing mine.

Oh my god! His lips were firm, but also so soft. He took my breath away, and I gasped. His tongue licked my lips, then my teeth, slowly entering my mouth. My

tongue joined in. I wanted to taste him.

Without conscious thought my hands had moved up to behind his head to the back of his neck, kneeding and rubbing. I slowly slid one hand up into his glorious hair.

I had to pull away to catch my breath, but Edward kept kissing me all over my face.

I was panting, but in a good way. I wasn't scared...in fact I was turned on. I could feel my nipples harden and my body clench down below. My stomach had

butterflies. I never wanted him to stop.

He pulled me into another hug. This time I didn't panic. His arms tightened around me and he whispered in my ear again. "God! I love you! So much. I don't think

you have any idea how much I love you. How hard I searched for you. How long I have loved you." His voice broke at the end and he buried his face in my neck. "You

are my everything, Isabella Marie Swan. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

I love you too! Edward. I have always loved you...I will always love you. You are my love of a life time. I just need you to be patient with me. I want all you have to

offer. I want to give you all of me...it just might take a little time."

He pulled away from me and smiled, "We have forever, now."

"Forever." I agreed.


	24. Chapter 24 Sleeping Beauty EPOV

When we got back to the house I had to share Isabella with my family.

Alice immediately took her away from me to show her where she would sleep.

I took this chance to talk to Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle.

"She only packed for a couple of days. She doesn't plan on staying. You can't let her leave." I told them. I'm sure they could hear the pain in my voice. I was

completely stressed out. She can't leave...if she leaves she could disappear again. That was not an option

"Don't worry, Edward." This from Uncle Carlisle.

"She said she didn't want to be a charity case or burden...her words, not mine. She doesn't understand a real family. Her father abandoned her when she was

three. Her mother never wanted her and let her know it...every single day." I was practically yelling at them. I knew it was wrong, but I could feel her slipping away.

"Edward, don't worry. I have a plan...I know what to say. Please calm down." This from Aunt Esme. "She won't be going anywhere. I will be able to convince her to

stay...just give me a chance."

I was so frustrated. They didn't understand her...how bad it was for her. I was pacing furiously back and forth in front of them, my hands in my hair.

"She has been taking care of herself and working to support herself since she was 14. Right now she is emotionally closed off. You saw her eyes...they were

dead...expressionless." I was going to cry, again. This was so uncool. I felt completely out of control.

"Edward you need to calm down." Carlisle said.

"Edward you will make yourself sick, please stop." Esme sighed at the same time.

"She already disappeared from our lives once. Do you see how she changed her appearance? She did that so no one would recognize her. She wanted to just slip

away." My voice broke, I couldn't help it. I felt the tears start. Why wouldn't they listen to me?

"I love her." That was it. The floodgates opened. I couldn't stop the tears now. I collapsed onto the couch and put my arms over my head and wept. I felt them sit

down on either side of me and they both put their arms around me and held me while I cried. I felt like a child again. This was how they held me when my parents

had died.

"Edward, trust us. We will handle this." Esme whispered as she placed a kiss on my head. Carlisle's hand was rubbing my back trying to calm me down.

"You need to get cleaned up. And we need to have a talk with Bella." Carlisle said.

I nodded and went out to the kitchen to splash some water on my face and get something to drink. I had to trust them I was just so scared.

I heard Alice and Isabella come down the stairs.

"Bella can we have a word with you." Carlisle asked and then the soft snick of the office door closing.

I went out to the family room, where Jasper and Alice were talking and snuggling. When I walked in, Alice took one look at me and walked over and wrapped her

arms around me holding me tight.

"Are you alright?" She whispered.

I shook my head. "I feel like we are losing her...like she's going to slip away and disappear again. I don't think I can do it again." My voice was shaking. I was so on

edge...close to breaking down.

"Edward, give her chance, she might surprise you." Jasper said. He sounded so confident. I started to feel a little better. "Your aunt and uncle will take care of it ...of

her. They will make her an offer she can't refuse. You will see." Every word out of his mouth was like a soothing balm.

I sat down in a chair facing the archway so I could watch for Isabella.

Jasper and Alice resumed their seats on the couch and were talking, but I tuned them out. Deep in my own troubled thoughts.

I hated feeling out of control. I hated how I felt right now. I hated that Isabella was out of my sight. I was so worried about her. I had probably aged 10 years in the

last several days.

I needed Isabella and I needed to let her know it. I needed to know if she could ever accept me...my love. I hope I'm not too late.

It barely registered when Isabella ghosted by the archway and silently climbed the stairs. She didn't look in here, just kept her head down, concentrating on placing

one foot in front of the other. I jumped up, but Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle stepped into the room.

"Alice? Can you go check up on Bella?" Esme asked.

Alice looked scared and jumped up and ran out of the room.

"Edward" This was it. They were going to shatter my hopes. "Bella has agreed to stay with us indefinitely." Aunt Esme said softly. "Everything is taken care of."

I sagged in relief, my legs giving out from under me. I gasped and exhaled...I didn't realize that I had been holding my breath.

Relief. Thank you God! "Thank you!" I barely managed to choke out.

My brain was not processing anything. I was staring off at the wall...my mind utterly confused, with too many thoughts.

Alice walked back into the room with a small smile on her face. She glanced over at me, and she actually blushed. What the hell was that for? Alice never blushed!

"She seems okay, just tired. She said she was going to sleep and we could talk more tomorrow." Alice told the room. "So, now what?"

"Do you all want to go out to eat?" Uncle Carlisle asked.

Alice and Jasper said "Yes" and got up to get ready to go.

"No. Thank you, I'm not hungry." I said. No way was I leaving the house right now.

Everyone left, and I went up to the guest room...now Isabella's room. I just wanted to check on her. I knocked softly but no response. I risked opening her door a

crack to see if she was in there, my heart was racing.

As I got the door opened I noticed the bedside light was still on. Maybe she is still awake. But then I saw her body curled into a tight little ball, like she had done in

the hospital. She didn't move or make a sound. I sat on the foot of her bed just watching her sleep. Finally, she looked at peace.

I heard my family come back, and looked at the time. I couldn't believe it had been a couple of hours already, and I had just sat her mindlessly watching her.

I went back down stairs to rejoin them. They were discussing shopping...big surprise...and the decorating of Isabella's room.

"Remember Alice, I don't want you influencing her. This is her room. You will need to step back and let her do what she wants." Esme said.

I lost track of the conversation after that, again my thoughts scattered. I decided to call it a night.

"I'm exhausted guys...I'm going to hit the sheets." I said to the room in general.

No one said anything, although it was still pretty early.

I just decided to take a shower when I heard noise in the room next to mine.

I quickly went over to check on her. She was tossing and struggling in her sleep. Her voice hoarse and raspy.

"No...Don't." She moaned, her body was reacting to her dream. Then she whimpered. "Noooo..."

I thought maybe I should wake her, when her body jerked and she rolled back over into the tight little ball. All was quiet and calm again.

Obviously she was having a nightmare. I stood and watched her for a couple more minutes, but when nothing else happened, I went back to my room.

After that, I checked on her every couple of hours...always to find her in the exact same spot and position.

I figured that because she had gone to bed so early that she would be up early...but that was not the case.

When I checked on her at 11am, it was obvious that she had been up. Her curtains were now shut and the bedside lamp turned off. As for her, though, she

was still in the same spot...same position

I was getting worried. She seemed to sleep the day away.

When Carlisle got home I took him aside to ask him about it.

"Uncle Carlisle, she hasn't come out of her bedroom since last night. Every time I have checked on her she is in the same spot and position...it's like she hasn't

moved at all." Man! I was turning into a whiney little girl.

"I will check on her, Edward." He said reassuringly.

We both went up to her room, and there she was still unchanged...unmoving.

He checked her pulse and said it was normal, and gestured me out of the room.

"It's normal, when a person is depressed, for them to sleep more than normal, but Edward give her a little time before jumping to conclusions. She has been through

a lot. Bella may be recuperating in the only way she knows how. She is a strong girl...she will come around." His words took the edge off, but I was still going crazy

with worry.

I stayed with Isabella until almost 3am, but I kept nodding off. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. I needed sleep. I finally went to my own room to get

some sleep.

It was only a couple of hours later when something woke me up. I was still tired and my eyelids felt like they were filled with sand. I blinked blurrily at the clock. Only

7:30am, I groaned. But something was bothering me, so I got out of bed and stumbled into Isabella's room.

Empty. Bed made. Nothing out-of-place. It looked like nobody had slept in the bed and that no one was using the room at all. I started to panic. As I came out of her

room, Aunt Esme was leaving hers. She took one look at me, looked in the spare room and then she looked worried too.

As we went down the stairs the noises and smells from the kitchen started to register. We walked into the kitchen to the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Isabella

standing at the stove, fully dressed and ready to live again...cooking breakfast.

She looked amazing...fresh...refreshed...alive.

"Good Morning! I decided to make everyone breakfast today..." I got lost in her eyes. Her chocolate, brown eyes. The windows to the soul...her sad, sad soul.

I wasn't sure what she asked me...but both she and Aunt Esme were looking at me expectantly. I realized she was making French toast so I hoped she had asked

how many pieces I wanted. "T-two." I stuttered. Thank god! That was the right answer.

Aunt Esme was looking at me. "Why don't you wake Alice and let your uncle know that breakfast is ready to be served."

I nodded and left the kitchen, running up the stairs as fast as I could, so I could get back down to the kitchen and my Isabella as fast as possible.

"Sit down Edward. Eat. Would you like some coffee? Some juice?" She was looking at me, waiting for me to answer.

"Coffee." I barely managed to get out. I was so nervous.

"How do you take it?" She said as she walked to the coffee pot and started pouring.

I cleared my throat. "Just a little cream and half a teaspoon of sugar." I watched her as she waited on me and took care of my needs. I should be the one taking care

of her.

Uncle Carlisle came in said something and sat down with a cup of coffee in hand.

I slowly started to eat and I realized everything was cooked to perfection. I never realized that Isabella could cook.

"Oh. My. God. Bella!" Alice shrieked. "You're wearing makeup!" The pixie was dancing around the kitchen, clapping her hands and giggling.

It was pretty damn annoying. I really didn't get enough sleep last night.

"Now that everyone is here...I wanted to apologize to you all for yesterday. I know I probably had everyone worried, but I needed some time to process everything."

Isabella said. She shouldn't have to apologize...she was still recovering.

We all just stared at her.

"I'm not used to being accountable to anyone but myself. I know I need to take all of you into consideration now, too. Just give me some time to adjust." She looked

at each of us, and everyone nodded in agreement.

"Now, as I am going to be living here for a while, I need to go back to my apartment and pack up the rest of my stuff...so I need someone..."

"I'll help you." I quickly volunteered. I wanted some time with her now that she was awake.

"That's a good idea Edward." Esme said. "Bella, after you're done with that, I would like to take you to some stores to buy whatever you need to decorate your

room." She had a hopeful expression on her face.

Isabella nodded at her, and grimaced. Doesn't anybody care that she hates shopping?

"Unless you need more time..." Esme trailed off.

"No. That would be fine." She said.

"Also, I have my first appointment with Dr. Weber tomorrow, and I will need..."

"I'll take you." Again I offered. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her.

"Hey! Quit hogging my best friend." Alice whined. At that moment in time, I could have cheerfully killed my cousin.

"Alice. You're going to go shopping with Esme and me today? Right?" Isabella said, always looking out for everyone else...putting herself last.

"Well, yeah, of course." She muttered.

Isabella took her hand in her own. "You won't be able to spend time with me when I'm with the doctor. You will be bored, sitting in the waiting room for me.

The pixie nodded, but she was pouting.

Esme looked at Isabella then to me. "I will clean up the kitchen, so you two can go get all of Bella's stuff." She said.

I nodded. "I'm ready when ever you are." I couldn't take my eyes off of her beautiful face.

She stood up and put her plate and cup in the sink.

"Just let me grab my coat." And she headed out of the room, and I followed like the rats did for the pied piper.


	25. Chapter 25 Sometimes You Just Have To Sh

We sat there holding each other tightly. I felt an overwhelming sense of home...comfort in his arms.

He tightened his embrace again. "We should get you back so Esme and Alice can have their wicked way with you."

Damn! He was laughing at me, so I stuck my tongue out at him and pulled out of his arms, pouting.

"I think I saw you smile." He said as he ran a finger along the crease of my lips. Then he helped me put my jacket on.

I shrugged. "You must be imagining things." I said simply.

We grabbed all of my stuff, locked up and went to his car. We put everything in the trunk and then headed home.

Esme and Alice were ready and waiting for me. As soon as we pulled in the driveway they came running out of the house.

"Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" Alice was chanting.

"Edward, you can handle all of Bella's stuff, right?" Esme asked as she put her arm through mine and started walking away, towards her Escalade.

I looked back at Edward, as they dragged me away. "Help me! Save me!" I mouthed to him. He just laughed and shook his head. So much for him being my knight in

shining armor. Hmph!

This was going to be a long, long day.

I had a vision in my head of what I wanted my personal sanctuary to look like.

We started at a store that specialized in bedding and linens. I knew with dark, heavy wood furniture I wanted something light and airy, but not too feminine. No pink

bubblegum, princess, girly room for me.

I went through aisle after aisle with Alice and Esme exclaiming over this one or pointing to that one.

I was getting ready to give up when I found it. Like a watercolor painting, soft and muted. Light blue, tan, and green swirled and rippled like water. It was beautiful.

We got all the accessories that went with it, skirt, shams, curtains, comforter, throw pillows and sheets. Esme insisted that we also get two sets of flannel sheets to

match as well as two sets of cotton/percale.

"I would like to find some wrought iron table lamps." I looked to Esme and she nodded. "And I would like to get a computer desk and maybe a bookshelf also, but

that might be too much..." I trailed off.

"No, Bella, don't worry about cost. If you need it, we will get it." Esme stated and gave me a quick hug. "And do you want to paint the walls? We should go the paint

store too!"

I nodded. "Yes, the walls need to be a color." I smirked again. I wanted to smile...it just never came out right. "Maybe the green in the comforter...only a little

darker."

Both Alice and Esme nodded at that. "Perfect." Esme said.

Our next stop was the paint store and Esme reminded me I could re-do the en-suite bathroom also.

The clerk matched the paint for the bedroom, then I picked out an apple green color for the bathroom.

The furniture store was next and we found the lamps, book shelves and computer desk there. They all had wrought iron and dark wood. The lamps had these

beautiful stained glass shades that complimented the bedroom ensemble.

Next stop, the local Wal-Mart to pick up bath towels, a shower curtain, bath accessories, and I found a beautiful, fluffy, large area rug, to throw down in the middle of

the hardwood floor.

"I need to do my Christmas shopping too, but I'm tired. I just need to pick something up for Edward right now, I can do the rest tomorrow, while we are out. Can we

stop at the mall?" I asked Esme. She nodded.

I described what I wanted to get him, and they took me right to the store I needed.

Alice started whining that we should be shopping, but I was quickly running out of energy and patience. Thankfully Esme could see that and came to my rescue.

On the way home I asked Alice. "Do you think Jasper would sell me a painting? I know it's been a while but...well I based my room on that watercolor he painted a

couple of years ago...it was so...well I don't know how to describe it, but it really moved me.

"I know the one you mean." She nodded, "But I don't know if he wants to sell it. I will check with him and let you know."

I nodded. I could understand that, I guess.

We had been shopping for hours and I was exhausted. When we got home all three guys were waiting and they carried all the bags and boxes in.

I moved in to the family room and sat on the sofa and moaned and closed my eyes. I was so tired.

I heard talking, laughter and movement, but I just couldn't focus or open my eyes...so I stopped trying.

I awoke to soft lips kissing my ear and arms lifting me, cradling me. My heart started racing and I momentarily panicked. My whole body froze, and I gasped and held

my breath.

"Come on sleepy-head. Time for bed." Edward whispered. My body relaxed and I let out my breath.

I rubbed my eyes and groaned. "How long have I been asleep?"

A while, you even missed dinner. It's after midnight." He said as he kissed from my ear down my jaw to my chin.

"Edward. I'm too heavy. Put me down. I can walk to my room." I mumbled, embarrassed.

His arms tightened around me and he grinned. "You hardly weigh anything. Not on your life am I putting you down yet. I've missed you being in my arms."

He entered my bedroom and gently placed me on my bed.

"What time is your appointment with Dr. Weber tomorrow?" Edward asked.

"10am" I had almost forgotten about that.

"Well we all were going to start painting your room tomorrow, so you can take my car to your appointment...if you don't mind. We need to get you your own car

though." He said as he slipped his fingers into my hair, massaging my scalp with his strong fingers.

"Oh no! I can't do that Edward."

"Yes you can. I don't mind." He laughed softly. "Just don't hurt my baby."

I shook my head. "No. I can't. I don't know how to drive." I frowned. Just add that to my list of failures. "Renée wouldn't enroll me or allow me to drive her car. When

I turned 18 I had too much on my plate, and I lived and worked close to the bus line. I never got around to learning."

"No big deal, then, I will take you. It will be my pleasure." He shrugged.

I sighed. God! I was such a failure. I needed to learn how to drive. I hated the idea of having to bother anyone to have to chauffeur me around. Unfortunately Dr.

Weber's office was too far away to walk to, and not near a bus route either.

I was looking at my lap as I picked imaginary lint off of my jeans. I could feel Edward's gaze on me.

"I haven't done any Christmas shopping for the family yet. Maybe after your doctor's appointment we could head over to Fairlane Mall." He suggested.

Well, that fell into my plans perfectly. I still needed to get gifts for everyone...except Edward. He was taken care of.

Edward took my hand and stroked the skin on the back. We discussed ideas of what to get for Alice, Esme, Jasper and Carlisle, and the different stores we could hit

while at the mall. He propped some pillows up against the headboard and pulled me back into his arms. I could get used to this. I felt less anxiety each time he

touched me and held me.

We talked about all kinds of things, catching up on our lives since we last really talked, before he started college. From our favorite colors to the courses we had

completed in college to our dreams for our futures. Somewhere along the way, or voices became whispered murmurs, waning to nothing as we both fell silent and fell

asleep.

That's how Esme found us the next morning. Fully dressed on top of the blankets, but completely wrapped around each other. I was snuggled warmly in Edward's

chest, but heard the door open. I looked over his body at her.

She raised an eyebrow at me and I flushed, deeply embarrassed. I pulled away from Edward, which caused him to groan and roll over on to his back.

"I thought I would check on you to make sure you were up in time for your appointment." She said as she walked over to the bed, looking down at Edward.

I wondered what she was going to do, as she bent her lips to his ear and then said loudly. "Edward! Anthony! Masen! Cullen!"

He flew out of the bed, took one look at her and blushed and left the room.

She chuckled. "I'll leave you to get ready." She said, still smirking. I heard her knock on Edward's door then say. "I need to speak with you, young man. Right now!"

I have no idea what she said to him and he didn't tell me.

We didn't talk on the way to my appointment...both of us lost in our own thoughts.

The session with Dr. Weber went well. We discussed how I felt about being released. The multitude of changes in my life and how I was dealing with giving up my

independence to be like an adopted child to very loving and attentive parents. A truly alien concept to me.

"You will definitely have a period of adjustment with your new circumstances, but I see this as an improvement of your situation so take advantage of it." She said

with a smile. "I would like you to go to a support group for rape victims. Here is the information for a group that meets on Monday nights at the Dearborn Civic

Center. I think this would be beneficial for you. To talk to other victims...survivors. See how they deal with it, and move forward."

I nodded...that was a good idea. I needed to know that I could get better...move forward. I know that I'm not the only person to experience rape...but it put you in a

lonely place. I needed to hear other people's stories.

"So I will see you again next week." Dr. Weber reminded me as I left.

I walked out of the office and over to Edward. "All done for this week." I sighed.

We walked out of the building to his car and he opened my door for me, then got in and drove to the mall.

We shopped for a couple of hours and bought all the gifts for the Cullen family, including Jasper.

When we got home we went up to my room. The walls were freshly painted, but all of the furniture was still piled in the center of the room. The smell of fresh paint

was overpowering, so I opened the two windows to air the room out. I threw my bags with the gifts into my dresser drawers, so no curious eyes would find them too

soon. I would wrap them later.


	26. Chapter 26 Here Comes Santa Claus

**A/N Warning, a little lemony goodness ahead.**

My bed was still in the middle of the floor, surrounded by all the other furniture. We had to close the windows, because it was too cold outside to leave them open.

December in Michigan can be brutal. Because we had to close the windows, the room didn't air out well and the paint fumes were giving me a headache.

After tossing and turning for more than an hour, I finally gave up and decided the couch in the family room would be okay for one night. I grabbed my pillow and a

blanket and tip-toed downstairs. I figured no one would blame me if I crashed on the couch. I was surprised to see Edward and Jasper still playing video games when

I got down in there. I wasn't really dressed for company.

I wrapped my blanket around me tightly and hugged my pillow to my front.

"Hey, I didn't realize you boys were still down here playing." I sidled over to the big comfy papasan chair. I carefully crawled in and curled up, making sure my

blanket covered me the whole time.

Jasper stood up and stretched. "I should probably head home. Need to be back tomorrow early. See you guys later."

Edward walked him out and locked up before coming back to the family room.

He was leaning against the wall of the archway and was looking at me curled in the chair. I was drowsy, so I wasn't paying too close of attention to him.

"Couldn't sleep?" Edward asked, as he walked over to where I was.

I snorted. "I'm so tired. I could sleep if my bedroom wasn't giving me a headache. The paint fumes are killing me." I pouted then yawned.

Edward scooped me out of the chair. "I have a much more comfortable place for you to sleep." He said in a sexy, husky voice.

"Edward! Put me down! You really do not need to carry me everywhere. You will break your back." I complained.

He laughed. "I like holding you, so quit complaining."

I sighed and relaxed in his arms. I knew he was taking me to his room, which I had never been in before. Even in all those years when we would actually talk and

hang out, it was almost always in the family room, or the great room, where his piano was. I was very curious about his personal space. He opened the door, stepped

through the doorway and closed it softly with a gentle kick. Edward released my legs, but kept his hold firm on my upper body, as my legs swung down and he

lowered me, so that I slid down his body. When my feet finally touched the floor, my breathing had quickened, and I actually wanted him to kiss me.

I stared up into his green eyes, waiting...not sure that I could ever make the first move. He slowly bent over me and lightly kissed my lips before releasing me and

turning me to face his room.

"Yeah, uhm, this is my room." He said softly...shyly.

I prowled around the room, touching and looking at all of his things. The room was the same size as mine, but looked vastly different.

Thick dark brown, plush carpet covered the floor. It was so soft under my bare feet, and warm. Unlike the hardwood floors in my room. The walls were the palest

blue, but that was the only pastel in the room. The rest was bold and modern...clean lines. The windows were covered by a deep midnight blue curtains, that looked

like velvet and matched the duvet.

His bed looked even bigger than mine...it was huge. It was a sleigh bed, in what looked like the same dark wood I had in my room. There were also at least a dozen

pillows of different shapes and sizes in burgundy, tan and brown.

His en-suite bathroom, matched up to where mine was in the next room. It was clean and crisp in black and white, no color at all in there.

One wall was all built-in bookshelves and filled with a huge stereo system and more cd's than I could count.

"You have so much music." I walked along the shelves, running my fingers over all of the cases. "What are you listening to?" I asked as I turned the stereo on. The

soft dulcet sound of a tenor singing, poured from the speakers. "Josh Groban? I love listening to him too...he's great."

I completed my circuit of his room at the far side of the bed and looked over at him. He was watching me, still standing where I had left him at the door.

"What?" I said, raising my eyebrow at him.

"I can't believe you're in my room." He said in that sexy voice again. "I have dreamt of you in here, but there was a time when I thought I would be lucky just to see

you again, let alone this. I didn't think I would every have a chance with you."

I looked at him alarmed. I hope he wasn't expecting me to have sex with him. No way in hell I was ready for that...for that kind of intimacy.

Edward must have noticed my reaction, because he quickly added. "Come on, my bed is big enough for both of us to each have our own space. I'll stay on my side.

You just make sure you don't attack me in my sleep."

I couldn't help it. A little squeaky giggle burst out. It sounded strange and unused to me. It had been so long since I had laughed about anything.

The look on Edward's face was priceless. "Are you laughing at me?" He started stalking towards me.

I squeaked again, this time in fear. "Maybe this was a bad idea!" I tried to leave the room. But Edward was still by the door and blocking my exit.

"Stop! Isabella. I was teasing." Edward sounded frantic. He held his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry."

I nodded, but now my body and senses were on high alert. "I need to go." Again I made for the door. Again he blocked me. He fell to his knees in front of me.

"I'm begging you. Please forgive me." His voice was low and full of regret, and worry.

I sighed heavily and nodded again. "Okay. Just...well Edward, there are certain triggers that are frightening for me. Your anger, whether real, or your just playing

acting, scares me in a way that I can't even begin to describe." My head was down, and by the time I finished saying this I was mumbling. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"You don't have anything to apologize for Isabella, It is I who is begging for your forgiveness. Please, please forgive me." He crawled over to me and carefully

wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. He laid his head against me. Even on his knees, his head was even with my chest.

I felt that amazing clench down below, and I gasped as my nipples hardened at his proximity. I could tell that Edward was aware of my body's reaction from his

moan. He held me tighter, nestling his head between my breasts.

"Isabella...let's get some sleep." He said reluctantly. ""What side do you want?"

"Will we get in trouble? Esme didn't seem too happy when she found you in my bedroom this morning." I worried.

"Nah. It's fine. I can handle it. Besides we will just be sleeping."

I nodded again, then dropped the blanket I had wrapped around me and quickly climbed into the bed and under the blankets. He was watching me, I felt his eyes

sweep me from head to toe and he was so close to me and my exposed belly, it would have been hard for him to miss that piercing.

"I can't believe you went downstairs in that outfit." He grunted, then stood up and walked to the other side of the bed.

"I was covered up...beside I didn't expect anyone to be up. I was just going to try to get some sleep." I defended as I turned my back to him and curled into my

protective tight little ball.

"Why do you sleep like that?" He asked. I could feel the mattress dip as he got in the bed.

"I feel safe...like an armadillo or a porcupine. I'm covering up where I feel vulnerable. I know it's weird, but I sleep better this way." I whispered.

"Did you sleep like that before last summer?" His hand was gently rubbing my back.

A thrill of fear mixed with desire prevented me from speaking so I just shook my head no.

"Isabella, relax. I won't bite...unless you ask me to." He chuckled again. "But seriously, I wont do anything. I just want to hold you." Then his body was behind mine,

almost touching, but not. He was waiting for me to agree...my acceptance. I could feel his body heat, and it actually made me relax a little.

"I thought you were going to stay on your side, and I was to not attack you and stay on my side." I couldn't contain the amusement in my voice.

"Isabella...please." He sounded tortured.

I knew I had to move to him if I agreed, so I scooted back towards him. As soon as I did Edward wrapped his arms around me. It felt like he was surrounding me,

and the heat coming off of him was incredible.

"You're so hot!" I mumbled, then realized he could take that two ways.

He chuckled again, and ran his hand down to the jewel in my belly. "Right back at you Isabella." His fingers were playing with the little hoop there.

"No. I m-meant..." I stuttered.

"I know what you meant...now be a good girl and go to sleep." His fingers were still playing with my belly.

"Hmph!"

I could feel his whole body pressed to mine. Edward was tall and lean, but muscular. I didn't know if I would be able to relax enough to sleep, but with his warmth

combined with my exhaustion, I fell asleep pretty quickly.

When I woke the next morning, I was still in Edward's arms. He held me close to him and I realized that one of his hands, the one that was playing with my belly ring

last night, had moved up and was cupping my right breast. I became aware of the fact that I could feel every inch of him pressed up against my back, including a

sizeable hard-on pressing into my butt.

There was no fear of Edward in that moment just a burning desire to be normal. To be able to roll over and greet the morning, and my lover. But there was some

fear...a fear of pain...of being hurt. I knew that Edward would go at whatever pace I needed, and that he would be a gentle lover...just...not yet.

As I tried to pull away, his arms tightened on me, his thumb rubbing lazily against my nipple, and then he froze as he encountered the hard metal object. His hand

slid down to the hem of my shirt then slowly slid up again to my breast, skin against skin.

"Edward!" I gasped.

"What do you have here?" He groaned as his fingers came in contact with the bar that I had pierced through my nipple. His lips were kissing my left ear, licking and

nipping at it as rocked his hips forward.

"I need to see this." He moaned as he pulled me onto my back. I looked up at him wearily, as both hands slowly pushed my tank top up. His head dipped down to

kiss the belly ring. "And I thought this was sexy." He groaned, as he exposed my breasts, and he took in the sight of my nipples, hard and puckered each with a bar

bell piercing through them. "Oh. My. God." His lips came down on mine, and he kissed me deeply, his tongue sparing with mine.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and dug me hands into his hair. He pulled away from my lips, but moved down my body with open-mouthed kisses and licks

down my chin, to the hollow of my throat. Across my clavicle, then finally to my nipple. Licking and nipping at it and then drawing it into his mouth, the whole time

his tongue laving it. I couldn't help myself. I arched my back, giving him better access, my head tossing back and forth, as he kissed his way to my other nipple and

gave it equal treatment.

"Edward...oh my god...Edward." I moaned. I was writhing beneath him. I needed something. I just didn't know what. I felt like I was climbing higher, my body felt

strung tight. I was gasping for breath.

Still clothed, he ground his hard-on into my pelvis, and I gasped again and whimpered. He started to move away from me, but I slid my hand down to his ass, and

pushed him back into me. I lifted my hips to grind into him, as he continued to suck hard on one nipple while the other twisted and pinched the other.

Then I was falling...or soaring. I don't know which. My whole body on fire...I could feel the walls of my vagina clenching and grasping, but there was nothing there. I

moaned again as I slowly floated down, and looked up into Edward's eyes. They were dark green and full of desire. He brought his lips to mine and kissed me deeply,

as he thrust against me, his tongue doing to my mouth what his cock should be doing in my pussy. His grinding against me caused the material of my boxers to rub

on my clit, then sensation so erotic and I was building again. Edward's thrusts got faster...harder, his tongue keeping time. I was sucking on his tongue when I felt

myself fall of the precipice again. I couldn't suppress the little mewling sound that I made. Edward stilled. Panting, cheeks flushed, his eyes hot...glistening.

"Isabella." He moaned, as he released into his boxers. "Beautiful, Isabella. You're amazing." And then he laid down on top of me for a moment and then rolled off to

the side. "Did I hurt you?"

"No." I sighed.

"Did I scare you?" His lips were on my ear as he kissed me.

"No. Not at all." I whispered. "I-I l-liked it."

I could feel him smile in my neck, then chuckled. "Merry Christmas...that was the best gift I have ever been given."

I looked into his eyes, then moved away. "I should probably get out of here, before I get caught."

He nodded. "I will see you downstairs in a little bit." One more quick kiss to my ear, then my lips.

I went and took a quick shower in my room and got dressed in comfortable clothes. As I left my room, Alice was emerging from hers. She put her arm through mine

and we went down to the kitchen. Edward had coffee brewing and he and Esme were making breakfast.

Jasper arrived while we were singing Christmas carols around the piano, while Edward played for us.

We all went into the great room, where the 15 foot tree stood looking like something from a fancy design magazine. The presents overflowed from the bottom. We all

sat down while Carlisle played 'Santa' and handed out each person's gifts.

I held my breath anxiously as Edward opened my first present for him. This one was a gift certificate to have his car detailed.

He smiled happily and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.

Then I opened one of his gifts for me. A leather-bound, collectors set of books by Jane Austen.

We went around the room, everyone opening gifts, exclaiming 'how wonderful' and 'thoughtful' and 'thank you'.

Then Edward was opening my other gift for him. An official Starter Red Wing jersey with the captain's name and number on it along with two rink-side tickets, for

right behind the Wings bench. His face broke out into a huge grin and he hugged me enthusiastically.

"Isabella! This is great. Too much! Thank you so much!"

"I'm glad you like it. I figured you would like it, having grown up here so close to Hockeytown."

We continued to open gifts. I got a lot of stuff to go into my new room. A flat screen T.V. with surround sound from Carlisle and Esme. Several outfits from Alice and

the big surprise. Jasper gave me the painting of his that I loved.

Finally I only had one little gift left and it was from Edward.

I opened it slowly, letting the anticipation build.

It was a white gold band with three diamonds in it. I was very dainty and feminine. In with the ring was a little card describing the significance of the ring. A precious

metal band, with a diamond representing past, present and future. I loved it and slipped it on my middle finger.

"Oh, Edward, this is too much. You shouldn't have." I could feel the tears in my eyes, and I really tried to keep them from falling, but failed. "Really, you shouldn't

have." I sniffled. He took me in his arms and held me tight and close, resting his check on the top of my head.

"That ring symbolizes my love for you Isabella." He whispered, for my ears only. "I love you."


	27. Chapter 27 I'm Pervy And I Know It EPOV

**A/N Lemons abound. Sorry this took so long. Longest chapter to date, Enjoy.**

* * *

How could I love Isabella without hurting her? Fuck! She was raped! By that sick fuck Jacob Black. Men touching her scares her...repulses her.

She scared the shit out of me when she passed out...from fear...from me.

She called it a panic attack and when I asked what triggers them and why, she told me.

I was shocked. Not so much about the rape, I had heard Jacob's side of the story...sick pig. No, I was shocked at the emotionless tone of voice she spoke in. No

tears. Isabella's voice was flat and hollow...a monotone, as she talked about what happened to her.

The only time her tone changed was when she said something about contracting S.T.D.'s. Not knowing how they could possibly affect her later in life. At that point

her voice was full of bitterness.

She had to know how I felt about her...I had to tell her. None of that mattered to me, in as much as, how I felt about her. I knew we would have to deal with the

rape, and after effects, but I wanted to help her do that. I wanted to be a part of her life. I would do whatever it took to help her be whole again.

"You are still perfection." I muttered, looking her in the eye...cupping her cheeks in my hands. I was mesmerized by her eyes.

"I love you, Isabella." I whispered.

Her eyes opened wide in shock.

"I want the chance to love you the way a man should love a woman. In every way a man can love a woman. I can be patient. I can wait for you to be ready. Please

tell me you will let me. Please tell me you will try to let me." I continued.

She nodded slowly.

She really was perfection...for me.

I slowly leaned in and gently kissed the tip of her nose, forehead, each eye, down her cheek to that ear with all the piercings that turned me on so much, down her

jaw to her chin. I just wanted to worship at the alter of my goddess. "Isabella?" I was asking permission.

She nodded.

Thank the lord! I tried to go slowly, so as not to frighten her, but her lips were wet, begging to be kissed. Like a siren, calling to me. She tasted amazing...I couldn't

get enough of her, and I pressed in further, plunging my tongue into her mouth. I wanted her so badly. My cock was so hard...straining in my jeans. I just wanted to

plunge into her and fuck her. I was a raging perv. It had been so long for me, but I had to take care of Isabella...not scare her. She came first.

I had to pull away to catch my breath, but now that I had her I didn't want to let her go...to stop kissing her. "God! I love you! So much. I don't think you have any

idea how much I love you. How hard I searched for you. How long I have loved you." My voice broke, and I buried my face in her neck. "You are my everything,

Isabella Marie Swan. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

"I love you too! Edward. I have always loved you...I will always love you. You are my love of a life time. I just need you to be patient with me. I want all you have to

offer. I want to give you all of me...it just might take a little time."

Thank god! She has feelings for me...she loves me. We can make this work. I might have to take a lot of cold showers. I had a feeling that I would be spending a lot

of time reacquainting myself with my fist...but I was going to show her a real relationship, and worship her body. I was going to show her how it could be...should be.

"We have forever, now."

"Forever." Isabella agreed.

We went back to the house and she was immediately ripped from my arms by Alice and Esme. They were going shopping for things to decorate Isabella's room. I

decided I would try to help Uncle Carlisle around the house, but was having a hard time focusing on anything.

The conversation that Isabella and I had, and the kiss, kept replaying in my mind. I finally concluded, that she must trust me...a little bit. I don't think she would

have let me kiss her that way...responded as she did, if she didn't at least trust me a little. I decided that I was going to push her a little further each time we were

together. I would always have my hands on her, touching her, so that it became second nature to her. My hands, my body, my scent, would not frighten her, I would

give her no cause, they would only bring her comfort and security.

Finally, they came home. Isabella looked exhausted. I helped unload all the stuff they bought. It looked like they bought out several stores. We took everything up to

her room, and it was decided that we would all paint her room tomorrow, so that it would be ready by Christmas. They all had big plans on what they were giving

Isabella for the holiday, and most of her gifts were for her bedroom, to help her settle in better, to make her more comfortable.

After this I went in search of the subject of our discussion...finding her in a tight little ball, sound asleep, on the couch in the family room. She looked so tiny and so

young...her face relaxed in sleep.

It still worried me...how much she slept. Again, Uncle Carlisle assured me it was normal, and to leave her be. Besides, he reminded me, she had just spent several

hours with my cousin and aunt power shopping all over Dearborn. I guess he had a point.

After eating dinner, of takeout Chinese, I sat at the opposite end of the couch from her and watched her sleep...watched over her. I sensed my family coming in and

leaving again. I was hypnotized by her sleeping face...and couldn't take my eyes off of her. When everyone else was in bed, I decided I should take Isabella up to her

room. She would be more comfortable in her own bed.

I bent to pick her up, but her body went into defense mode...her body coiled with tension, like a spring.

"Come on sleepy-head. Time for bed." I whispered. Her body slowly relaxed after she heard my voice, and I let out my breath.

She looked so cute as she rubbed her eyes and groaned. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A while, you even missed dinner. It's after midnight." I kissed that tantalizing ear down to her chin.

"Edward. I'm too heavy. Put me down. I can walk to my room." She was embarrassed.

I tightened my grip, to keep her from pulling away from me and grinned. "You hardly weigh anything. Not on your life am I putting you down yet. I've missed you

being in my arms."

I entered her bedroom and gently placed my precious package on the bed.

I took her into my arms, as I leaned against the headboard.

We talked for a while until she fell asleep in my arms...stretched out full-length. Not curled up in her usual ball. Her beautiful head on my chest, her arms wrapped

around my waist and her leg thrown over me...tucked between mine. I had died and gone to heaven.

My arms were around her...holding her close to me. My body was responding to her closeness...but I ignored my needs to just hold her...touch her. My hands were

slowly rubbing up and down her back. I loved just touching her...holding her.

When she suddenly moaned, I was worried that I had frightened her, but was quickly relieved, then turned on by what happened next.

Her voice, barely had any volume and it was sometimes hard to make out what she was saying. But she was dreaming and talking in her sleep. And she was

dreaming about me...

"Uhm...Edward!...Don't stop!...Uhm...So good...Uhm...Edward." I had an idea I knew what she was dreaming. God I wanted her so bad. Her sexy little moans and

sighs were going to be the death of me.

"Uhm...Yes...Yes...Uhm...Uhm...Uhm" Her body was moving against me, undulating against mine...rubbing against me...begging me to touch her.

I tried to do the gentlemanly thing and rolled her off of and away from me to put some distance between us...but once on her back, Isabella started tossing her head

on the pillow and arched her back, making her amazing breasts jut forward.

"Edward...so close...soo close...please...Edward."

I knew this was wrong, on so many levels, but we were both still fully clothed, and I wanted her to cum. I wanted to bring her pleasure...even if she was asleep and

dreaming. I tried to justify what I was about to do.

I rolled over her body, pressing my hard-on into her pelvis, dry humping. God! The heat coming off of her. I could feel it through her jeans and mine.

"God...Yes...Uhm...Uhm...Edward...I need you!...Uhm."

Her sexy sounds and words were pushing me farther into the insanity.

I was so close, I didn't know if I could hold out much longer. Then she drew her legs up, pressing her feet into the mattress and thrust her hips up at me, right as I

came down again. I watched her face as she let out one final whimper and groan. The heat down below increased a hundred fold.

I grinned. I knew she just had an orgasm. "Edward...Amazing." She smiled. A real smile...not the pained one but a soft, beautiful smile...the smile I haven't seen in

years. It's been too long.

Her smile threw me over the edge and with a final thrust and grind, I came. Hard. Like a perverted, teen-age virgin. Right there in my boxers and jeans...still fully

clothed. But I didn't care. I never came so hard in my life...never felt so good. Not caring or worrying about the mess in my pants, I rolled off of Isabella, pulled her

back into my arms and slept.

The next thing I knew is I'm in bed alone and my aunt's voice is reprimanding me. "Edward! Anthony! Masen! Cullen!"

I looked in her eyes, realized I was still in Isabella's bed, and that I had a major, sticky mess in my pants. I jumped out of the bed, and ran to my room, hoping no

one noticed.

I needed a shower! Just as I was heading toward the bathroom, Aunt Esme knocked on my door. "I need to speak with you, young man. Right now!"

I checked myself in the mirror...no stains on my jeans...so I told her to come in.

"Why were you sleeping in Bella's room?" She asked.

"Uhm...I brought her up to bed last night and she woke up and we got to talking. We must of just fell asleep." I shrugged. No way was I telling her what else

happened.

"Well be careful with her. She has been through a lot." Esme sighed. Did Isabella tell her what happened to her?

"Come help me in the kitchen?" Esme asked.

"I need a quick shower...I'll be down in a few." I muttered.

She nodded and left.

I was still a little embarrassed by what I had done to Isabella. I wonder if she knows what happened last night. God! I wanted her so bad and for real. Without clothes

or barriers. I wanted to bury myself in her heat.

Isabella and I went shopping at the mall after her doctor's appointment and by the time we got home, she was tired again.

At least her room was painted, but the fumes were overpowering. I don't know how she will be able to sleep in there, but it seemed like she planned on it. She went

to bed and Jasper and I started playing the XBox 360.

He handed me my ass. I couldn't concentrate. My thoughts were with my sleeping Isabella. I wanted to hold her again while she slept.

I must have conjured her, because she was suddenly there...looking sleepy and tousled, a blanket wrapped around her body.

Jasper looked at her, then me, and beat a hasty retreat. I locked up behind him, then came back to find her almost asleep in the big papasan chair in the corner.

"Couldn't sleep?" I asked, as I walked over to where she was.

Isabella snorted. "I'm so tired. I could sleep if my bedroom wasn't giving me a headache. The paint fumes are killing me." She pouted then yawned.

I scooped her out of the chair. "I have a much more comfortable place for you to sleep." God! I loved holding her.

"Edward! Put me down! You really do not need to carry me everywhere. You will break your back." She complained. As if. She was so small, and hardly weighed

anything.

I laughed. "I like holding you, so quit complaining."

I took her to my room. I swear I wasn't planning anything but sleep. After I shut the door, I released her legs so that she hung against my body, and I slowly slid her

body down my own until she was standing.

Isabella was staring up at me and I could see she was affected by what I had just done. Good! I was too! I gave her a quick kiss then said. "Yeah, uhm, this is my

room."

I watched her look around, then slowly walk from one thing to the next. I never felt so turned on and nervous. I wanted her to approve of my room, my

interests...me.

She ended up on the far side of the bed looking at me. "What?"

"I can't believe you're in my room." I muttered. "I have dreamt of you in here, but there was a time when I thought I would be lucky just to see you again, let alone

this. I didn't think I would every have a chance with you."

I could see that freaked her out. She looked ready to bolt. "Come on, my bed is big enough for both of us to each have our own space. I'll stay on my side. "You just

make sure you don't attack me in my sleep."

A little squeaky giggle burst forth from her. It had been so long since I had heard her laugh, I missed the sound.

"Are you laughing at me?" I started stalking towards her, teasing her.

Isabella squeaked again, this time in fear. "Maybe this was a bad idea!" She tried to leave the room, but I was blocking her escape route.

"Stop! Isabella. I was teasing." God! I didn't mean to scare her. I held my hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry."

She nodded. "I need to go." Again Isabella made for the door. Again I blocked her. I fell to my knees in front of her.

"I'm begging you. Please forgive me." I whispered, regretfully.

"Okay. Just...well Edward, there are certain triggers that are frightening for me. Your anger, whether real, or you're just play acting, scares me in a way that I can't

even begin to describe." Her head was down. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"You don't have anything to apologize for Isabella, It is I, who is begging for your forgiveness. Please, please forgive me." I had to make this right, I had to make her

see how sorry I was. I crawled over to her and carefully wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. Then I laid my head against her chest. I could hear her heart

beating wildly.

I could tell that Isabella was affected by my closeness, and it made me moan. I tightened my grip on her and nestled my head between her beautiful breasts.

"Isabella...let's get some sleep." I said reluctantly. ""What side do you want?"

"Will we get in trouble? Esme didn't seem too happy when she found you in my bedroom this morning." She seemed worried.

"Nah. It's fine. I can handle it. Besides we will just be sleeping."

I was watching her as she dropped her blanket and started to climb into the bed, under the blankets. I couldn't help but check out her body, sweeping my eyes down

her body. I was startled to see that her belly was pierced too. I wondered briefly if she was pierced anywhere else.

"I can't believe you went downstairs in that outfit." I grunted. She was wearing just a pair of boxers and a thin shirt that barely covered her. I got up and walked to

the other side of the bed.

"I was covered up...beside I didn't expect anyone to be up. I was just going to try to get some sleep." She defended then turned her back to me and curled up into

her little ball.

"Why do you sleep like that?" I asked, as I got under the blankets.

"I feel safe...like an armadillo or a porcupine. I'm covering up where I feel vulnerable. I know it's weird, but I sleep better this way." Isabella whispered.

"Did you sleep like that before last summer?" My hand was gently rubbing her back, trying to relax her to open up and sleep in my arms.

She shook her head no.

"Isabella, relax. I won't bite...unless you ask me to." I chuckled again. "But seriously, I wont do anything. I just want to hold you." I moved closer to her, but didn't

invade her personal space. That would be her decsion...her choice. I was almost up against her but not quite, leaving a small gap between our bodies...hoping she

would choose me.

"I thought you were going to stay on your side, and I was to not attack you and stay on my side." She whispered but I could hear the amusement in her voice.

"Isabella...please." I groaned.

Finally she scooted back and into my arms. "You're so hot!" She muttered.

I chuckled again, and ran my hand down to the jewel in her belly. "Right back at you Isabella." God, this was so sexy. I loved all these piercings.

"No. I m-meant..." Isabella stuttered.

"I know what you meant...now be a good girl and go to sleep." My fingers were still playing with her belly ring.

"Hmph!" She muttered.

I was in heaven. I tried to concentrate on keeping my boner under control and not scaring her, but it was nirvana holding her in my arms. I loved her, everything

about her.

Isabella fell asleep pretty quickly. I stayed awake for a while just enjoying holding her.

When I woke the next morning, I was still holding Isabella, but my hand had moved during the night. It had a mind of its own and was now cupping her breast. I

became aware of the fact that I could feel every inch of her pressed up against my front and my morning wood was pressing into her back.

I could tell by the cadence of her breathing that she was awake, and aware of me. I hoped that the hitch in her breath was from desire and not from fear.

She tried to pull away, but I held her tightly, rubbing my thumb lazily against her nipple, and then froze as I encountered the hard metal object in her nipple. I was

overcome with desire. I tried to reign it in, so as not to scare her, but I had to see this. I slid my hand down to the hem of her shirt then slowly slid up again to cup

and play with her nipples...her pierced nipples.

God! She was so fucking hot!

"Edward!" Isabella gasped.

"What do you have here?" I groaned as my fingers came in contact with the bars that were pierced through her nipples. I was kissing and licking and nipping at her

ear as I rocked my hips forward, pressing my hard length into her backside.

"I need to see this." I moaned as I rolled her onto her back. I hoped I wasn't scaring her, she was breathing hard and staring at me but she didn't protest as both of

my hands slowly pushed the top up and over her breasts. My god! she was beautiful and so erotic. My head dipped down to kiss the belly ring. "And I thought this

was sexy." I groaned, as her exposed breasts were laid bare for my inspection. I couldn't resist, I had to taste her skin and raised my head to take one of her nipples

into my mouth.

Her nipples were hard and puckered each with a bar bell piercing through them. "Oh. My. God." My lips came down on hers, and she kissed me back, her tongue

inviting me in.

I pulled away from her seductive lips, but moved down her body with open-mouthed kisses and licks to get to those amazing breasts...nipples. I was licking and

sucking on one nipple and was playing with the other one with my fingers. Stroking and twisting, pinching and pulling on it.

Isabella arched her back, giving me better access, her head tossing back and forth, as I kissed my way to her other nipple and gave it equal treatment.

"Edward...oh my god...Edward." She was writhing beneath me. God I wanted her so bad. I didn't think she was ready for this, but maybe we could do what we did

the other night. Now she would know about this, no penatration...clothes on, but ultimately both of us satisfied. I was gasping for breath.

And so was she, gasping, moaning.

I ground my hard-on into her pelvis, and Isabella gasped again and whimpered.

Shit I was going too far too fast. I started to pull away from her, but she stopped me by grabbing my ass and pulling me back into her heat. She lifted herself and

rotated her hips under me in the most seductive movement I had ever felt. I groaned as I continued to suck hard on one nipple while I twisted and pinched the other.

Then Isabella threw her head back arching even harder into me as a high-pitched keening burst forth from her. Success, she had reached her peak, and it was good

for her. I stared down into her eyes, as she slowly came back down to earth. They were dark and full of desire. I had to kiss her again and brought my lips to hers

and kissed her deeply, thrusting my tongue in her mouth as I thrust my hips into hers, grinding into her. I could see that she was building again. My thrusts got

faster...harder, my tongue keeping time. Oh my god! She was sucking on my tongue. She couldn't suppress the little mewling sound as she came hard again, and

with a final thrust, I followed her into heaven blasting my cum into my sweat pants that I had worn to bed last night.

God, she was so sweet, so responsive, and I just made her cum...twice, without any penetration. Without manually stimulating her clit. Just the rubbing and

grinding and the stimulation to her nipples and I was able to bring her to orgasm. I couldn't wait to see how responsive she would be, when I was buried balls deep

in her hot little pussy.

"Isabella." I moaned, as my cock continued to twitch and spill out. "Beautiful, Isabella. You're amazing."

I stilled, breathing hard, trying to catch my breath. Then I pressed my forehead to hers and laid down on top of her for a moment and then rolled off to the side. "Did

I hurt you?"

"No." Isabella sighed.

"Did I scare you?" God, I couldn't stop touching her, kissing her. My lips were on her ear again.

"No. Not at all." She whispered. "I-I l-liked it."

I smiled triumphantly into her neck, then chuckled. "Merry Christmas...that was the best gift I have ever been given."

Isabella looked into my eyes, then moved away. "I should probably get out of here, before I get caught."

I sighed. I didn't want to let her go. I never wanted to let her go, but I knew she had a point so I nodded. "I will see you downstairs in a little bit." I kissed her one

final time, then watched her walk out of my room.


	28. Chapter 28 Rape Recovery

Later that day, after we all recovered from the delicious Christmas meal that Esme had made, it was decided that my room needed to be put back together, and made

inhabitable.

All six of us went upstairs. The men started with the heavy lifting, putting all the existing furniture where I directed them. As Edward and Carlisle started to put

together the desk and bookshelves, Jasper hung the painting that he gave me, over the headboard of my bed. Alice and I made up the bed, while Esme hung the

curtains.

Carlisle was working on hanging the flat screen T.V., Edward was putting my books in the bookshelf, Alice was working on my clothes, Esme and I were working in

the bathroom, and Jasper was finishing hanging more pictures around the room.

It was done. My room was a tranquil oasis. And with everyone's help it only took a couple of hours to get everything in place and set up. Thankfully the paint fumes

had abated, so I was able to be in the room without getting a headache.

I couldn't keep my eyes off Edward. Every time I would look up at him, I would find him watching me. I wondered what he was thinking about. I hoped he was okay

with what happened this morning. I couldn't even begin to imagine, what he must think of me after that. I couldn't believe what we had done. I was shocked at

myself, for letting it go so far, and even more surprisingly, how much I liked and enjoyed it.

I never knew that I could feel...that. How amazing it felt. How out of this world, crazy it felt. I had read about it in love stories and I always thought it was just a

bunch of made up lies, or wishful thinking...and now I know. It can happen.

After Jacob, I thought I would never be able to experience pleasure. I thought that any and all sexual acts would only bring me fear and pain. I was so grateful to

realize, that with the right man, in the right circumstances, that it was possible to have a normal, loving, erotic experience.

God, I loved Edward. He was amazing. I mean I have always loved him. In the beginning it was more in a superficial way, I would have to admit. But the more I got

to know him, the real him, the more I fell in love with him. He rocked my world this morning, and I couldn't wait to do more with him. I trusted him completely.

Of course, for all that we had done, we still didn't do it. Have sex, real sex. Edward had kept it in his pants, literally. I sure hoped that when confronted with a naked

Edward, trying to have conventional sex, that I wouldn't freak out on him. But after this morning, I felt like I was ready to try. I was curious...and horny.

I was turning into a pervert...or a sex addict. All I could think of was Edward, and doing it. It was actually making me a little cranky, having to share myself with

everyone, when all I really wanted was to be alone with him.

Esme seemed to think that I was tired, and I actually was, so she kicked everyone out of my room by 9pm and wished me a good night's sleep.

I didn't think that I could fall asleep. My mind still on Edward, but as I changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed, I was fighting back the fatigue. I was almost

asleep before my head hit the pillow.

The rest of winter break went by too fast. Edward and I were never given an opportunity to be alone in the house. Alice and Jasper spent a lot of time with us, going

out on double dates or just hanging out. We spent our days playing video games, shopping, or playing in the snow, and our evenings going out to eat, to the movies,

or family fun nights. My activities during the day generally wore me out, and I would fall into my bed each night and sleep deeply. Dreamless sleep.

The only time we, Edward and I, got to be alone was when he drove me to my doctor's appointments or Rape Recovery group. He was still the only one that knew

about the rape. I hadn't confided to my adoptive family, but I knew I soon would have to fill them in. It would be impossible to keep it a secret, once Edward went to

school, and I needed some one to drive me to R.R. I just had to find the right time to do it...and the nerve.

My stamina and strength were returning. I was sleeping less, but that may be in direct relation to the fact that I was eating more. Esme was a great cook.

The day was fast approaching when Alice, Jasper and Edward would be leaving to return to their respective schools. I was going to miss my friends terribly. I was

going to miss Edward even more. It was almost unbearable...thinking about him leaving.

I tried not to think about it too much. I wanted the time we had left together to be fun.

Esme and Carlisle were supportive in everything and in every way. They helped me enroll in a driver's training class, with filling out my applications for pharmacy

school, and supported me in my desire to take Karate classes. They both knew that until I got my driver's license they would have to drive me around to my various

activities, and they didn't mind in the least. Carlisle was even trying to decide what kind of car to get me, once I got my license.

It was the day before everyone would be leaving. The pain of having to say goodbye was eating at me, and the desire to tell everyone, to explain, was hanging over

my head. I decided to just get it over with. Tonight after dinner.

It was time. Time for everyone to know. Lay it on the table and move forward.

One thing I had learned from R.R. was that the victim gave the rapist too much power...or credit. I was going to take back my life.

As everyone gathered together in the family room, I could sense their confusion and curiosity. I took a deep breath and stood up to stand in front of everyone. Facing

them, though not really able to look anybody in the eye.

"Okay. I asked everyone together today to discuss some things with all of you.

None of you have mentioned or asked me about my suicide attempt, and I feel like I need to tell you about why and how I got to this point in my life.

I think all of you are aware of how I was brought up, and the lack of love and support I had from the people who should have been there for me no matter what. My

parents are a prime example of why dysfunctional people should not be allowed to have children.

I was also picked on to the point of bullying all through school. I had very few friends, and found it difficult to allow strangers to get to know me, because I didn't

trust them to not hurt me.

I felt inferior and unloved and unloveable, resulting in very low self-esteem.

Even all of that combined, didn't make me depressed enough to try to commit suicide."

I took a deep breath. This is where it was going to get hard. This is where I tell the stuff they don't know. I looked around the room at each person, Alice and Jasper

holding hands on the couch. Esme and Carlisle on the love seat, Carlisle had his arm around his wife and held her close. And Edward. I took another deep breath and

then looked at the back wall.

"Last summer...last August...I was...I was assaulted. I was beaten and raped." My fingers were clasped together tightly. Wringing my hands. When I realized what I

was doing I pried my hands apart and wrapped my arms around my body, protectively. Still staring off in the distance.

"Still, even that didn't make me want to die. To hide, yes. To disappear for a while, definitely." I gusted out a sigh.

"The last couple of months, though, I have been stalked and sexually harassed. Wearing me down and destroying my peace of mind. A couple of weeks ago...I guess

I just hit my limit. I just could not take anymore. I needed an escape. I didn't want to die, as much as I wanted to disappear again. But it didn't work out for me so

good that first time, so it seemed pretty useless to try again.

I didn't consciously decide to kill myself. According to my doctor, I totally disassociated. I watched myself do it. Slice my wrists, but it was like I was sitting in the

corner, watching. Like I wasn't even in my body when it happened. It was horrible. To watch it happen is sickening, but when I snapped back into my right mind, and

realized I was going to die...

I don't want to die. I don't want to be a victim anymore. And I don't want my rapist to have any power or control over my life anymore. I'm taking all of that back,

and moving on.

I want to thank you all for loving me unconditionally and supporting me. Unfortunately, we have a long road in front of us. I will need your support to continue to get

better, and get away from my past."

I finally turned to look at them...my friends...my family. I was shocked to see that all of them, had tears on their faces. They were all crying for me.

"As you know, I am seeing a therapist. I am also going to group therapy called Rape Recovery. I have enrolled in a karate class and applied for pharmacy school. I

am determined to go forward, to succeed...to live." Whew. Almost there.

"So...from this day forward, with you my family, I am no longer a victim. I do not want to be defined in that way or with that word. I'm just a girl...a girl with a bright

future." I nodded my head. I had said everything I wanted to say to them.

I smiled. A real smile.

"I may not be whole yet, but I am on my way. I have reclaimed my life, my future, and myself."

I walked over to Alice and hugged her first. My first real friend, my best friend, my sister, and then proceeded around the room, giving each person a hug. Lowering

my guard and letting them all in. Jasper, Carlisle and Esme. Finally I walked over to Edward. Instead of hugging him, I placed my hands on his cheeks, bent over, and

gently kissed him. Right in front of everyone. I sensed everyone's shock at my action. No one knew that Edward's and my relationship had changed, progressed and

grown.

"I know that was a lot to take in, but, I really can't answer any questions right now. Excuse me." I said softly and walked up to my room...my sanctuary. I needed to

be alone for a while.

I sat in one of the window seats, staring out at the night sky. Enjoying the peace and solitude. The beauty of the immense universe, filled with possibilities.

I felt hope blossom...and I knew. I knew that, as of today, I was that girl, the one with a bright future. I would never let Jacob Black win. I had taken back control of

my life and my destiny.

Feeling for the first time ever, loved and whole.

And it felt good.


	29. Chapter 29 The Road To Recovery Can Be A

Saying goodbye to Alice and Jasper was hard. Saying goodbye to Edward and watching him drive away, was heart-wrenching. It felt like my heart had been ripped

out of my chest and all that was left was a gaping, bleeding hole. I wrapped my arms around my body, trying to hold myself together. I know that this is necessary.

He has to go back to school. I was just going to miss him so much.

I also over-estimated my ability to ignore Jake. I honestly believed that with my new mind-set, that Jacob Black would fade away. He obviously had other ideas. After

being able to avoid him for the last three weeks, seeing him again, was a shock to my system. Not a good shock either. And he seemed more determined than ever to

get to me. He doubled his efforts. To talk to me, to send others to me, to get under my skin, to get on my last nerve, to destroy my mental well-being.

Each day got progressively worse. I could feel my resentment building, but I felt powerless. I wasn't strong enough to kick his ass, and I hadn't learned enough

karate to hurt a flea, let alone a 6'5" hulk of muscle. I may not like Jake, but his body was well-built and fit and strong. His sheer size and strength intimidated me. I

wanted to avoid him, but the only way would be to skip school. School was too important to me, so I went and I suffered.

I started withdrawing again. Eating less. Sleeping more. Esme could see that I was suffering, and knew that it was because of someone or something at school. She

drove me everywhere, and took care of me. She could see that all of my other activities didn't affect me the way going to school did. The anxiety I expressed.

Sweating...breathing harder...clenching my hands and wrapping my arms around myself protectively. I only did that as she drove me to school.

One day, instead of just dropping me off, she pulled into visitor parking.

"I have some things I need to check on Bella. Go to class and I will see you in a couple of hours." She said softly to me.

I walked away, but kept looking back. I noticed that she walked into the building that housed campus security. I wonder what she is going to do...I don't think there

is anything that she can do.

As miserable as school was...Jacob was, I felt like I was eventually going to overcome this. I just needed to get away from him!

Rape Recovery group was interesting and I was learning a lot from the women who went there. One in particular, made me feel like someday I could have it all. She

was awesome. Her name was Sarah. She was the same age as me, and had been raped by an acquaintance also, but that is where the similarities stopped. She was

so strong and sure of herself, she believed in herself and her choices. And I greatly admired her. For her strength, insight and determination.

Sarah's rape resulted in a pregnancy. Everyone around her told her to get an abortion, but she was against abortion and refused. She planned on giving the baby up

for adoption. She carried the baby full-term, and was getting ready to sign the papers to release her, but she decided that she wanted to take one look at the baby

she was giving up.

One look. That was all it took. Sarah instantly fell in love with her baby, a tiny baby girl. She couldn't do it. She couldn't give her away. She ripped up the adoption

papers. Sarah was a mother! Only 17 years old, with the weight and responsibility of the world on her shoulders, she came out of her personal hell, and took control

of her life and her baby's life. What ever it took, she would take care of that little baby and raise it to the best of her ability. She named her baby girl, Sierra.

Sierra was now two years old and looked exactly like her mother. Which I thought was a good thing. Who would want to look in the face of their child and see their

rapist? But I actually don't think it would have mattered to Sarah, if her baby had looked like him. She was that kind of person...that kind of goodness.

Sarah had to work full-time, took some night courses at H.F.C.C. and came to R.R. every week, to help support others and show them they could recover.

I don't know how she did it. But she did, like I said. She is awesome.

As we left R.R. one evening in early February, Sarah was excitedly telling me about her boyfriend, who was picking her up. I knew from our talks, that they had been

dating for three months. She had told him everything, and he was happy and proud to be able to be with her. He obviously thought she was awesome too!

We were walking out of the building together, and a man I recognized approached us. I stopped walking and froze as I looked at her boyfriend.

"What? Bella, What?" She grabbed my arm and shook me. I couldn't take my eyes off the man who stopped right in front of us.

It wasn't Jacob, but it was his best buddy...who had helped Jake torment me several months ago. One of the guys that hit on me relentlessly, then made up lies and

stories about me, about what we did supposedly did together on our imaginary dates.

I watched in horror as Sarah walked up to him and hugged him. His arms wrapped around her and he hugged her back, but his eyes never left my face.

"Bella, this is my boyfriend Seth...Seth, this is the girl I was telling you about...Bella."

Seth swallowed hard. I could see his Adam's apple bob, as he continued to stare at me. His eyes flicked to Sarah, to the building we just left then back to me again.

His eyebrows pulled together in concentration, and he frowned.

If Sara had told him about me, then he would know my whole story...that I had been raped, while on a date, when it happened, and how it had left me an emotional

mess.

I wasn't sure if the idea of him knowing all of this about me hurt me, scared me or just plain pissed me off.

"Uhm, Hi Bella...glad to meet you finally. Sorry it has to be now, uhm, as you are, uhm coming out of group..." he trailed off. His eyes still staring into

mine...searching for answers.

I wasn't feeling any sympathy. I wanted him to hurt and pay for what he did to me. I felt bad for Sarah, but she needed to know what kind of guy she was with.

"Better here, where you can see the real me, instead of a bunch of lies made up by a whole slew of assholes." I sneered.

Sarah could see the animosity pouring off of me, I'm sure. She looked worriedly between the two us.

"Do you know each other? Seth? What's going on? Tell me!" She looked ready to cry. I felt bad about that, but again, she needed to know what kind of person she

was with.

"Yeah. We met. A couple of months ago. Actually, I asked Bella out...but she turned me down. I was an ass about it...I might have said some things...made up some

things about her." He tried to make it sound like he hadn't played an integral part in destroying my reputation, or self-worth.

I looked away from him and looked into Sarah's eyes. "I told you about this." I said simply with a shrug. "I was, and still am being harassed, by a bunch of guys on

campus. They ask me out. I turn them down. I couple days later, they tell everyone how great I am in bed...how I'm like a Hoover vacuum, sucking them dry, or my

favorite, how much I like it up the ass."

Sarah looked shocked, and she turned from me to look at Seth.

"Please tell me you didn't do that. That you had no part of that. Please." She was begging him.

He dropped his head down, shaking it. "I'm sorry! I can't. Bella, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know. It was all Jake's idea, he has some crazy idea that you will go out with

him, if he seems like the only decent guy around. I'm sorry that I was one of those assholes...but I have changed. I'm different now, Sarah, I really am different.

Please."

Seth tried to put his arm around Sarah, but she pulled away looking at him with accusing eyes.

"Does Jacob know? About this?" Seth asked nodding to the building...like he couldn't even say the word 'rape'. "I'm sure if he knew, if you explained why you turned

him down he would understand...let up. He really is a decent person. Just sometimes he gets something in his head, and he can't see a better way to get what he

wants. He doesn't mean to hurt people. I'm sure he doesn't want you to be hurt."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Seth was so naive...so trusting. He really didn't know Jake at all.

"Do you honestly believe that? That he's treating me this way because I refused to go out with him?" I shook my head and narrowed my eyes. "You don't know him at

all do you?"

Seth just looked at me "We have been friends for years. I have known him since first grade. I think I know him a little bit better than you." He actually sounded a

little condescending when he said that. And that pissed me off. I was going to knock that smug look right off of his face.

"I did go out on a date with Jacob. Last summer. I left for that date a virgin, I came home...not so much. And not by choice. He beat me and raped me and left me in

the street, as he drove off laughing at me. For some strange reason, he remembers it differently. Like I said yes and enjoyed myself, like I wanted it...that. I will

never, ever, ever go out with Jacob Black again. I will never be alone with him again. I will never give him a chance to hurt me like that again. Nothing can hurt me

as much as he did that night...not the guys hitting on me...not the lies and stories...nothing. In less time then it takes to cook a meal in the microwave, he took

everything from me."

I could see his face fall. The shock coming off of Seth, as he realized what I was saying...that he didn't 'know' his friend after all.

"So, yes, Seth. Jacob knows about my being raped. He knows every little detail of it. He may even know some parts better than me, because after he punched me in

the face, I blacked out for a bit."

Sarah was crying...hard. "Jacob Black, your best friend, is a rapist! That sick pig." She couldn't stop the tears from falling, and Seth looked like he was going to cry,

or be sick...maybe both.

"I can't be around him...or you. If you remain friends with him, then we are over." She was breathing hard and sobbing. "Bella, can you drive me home?"

I nodded. I had just got my driver's license the other day and I was driving Esme's Escalade.

"Sarah...wait." Seth called, but we continued on to the SUV without stopping or looking back.

When we were safely locked into the vehicle I turned to look at Sarah and she was turned towards me, still crying.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered.

"I'm so sorry, Bella..." She muttered at the same time.

We just looked at each other and then fell into each other's arms to hug and cry.

Sarah and I grew even closer after that. I even supported her decision to stay with Seth, after he agreed to stop hanging with Jake.

I'm glad she could forgive him so easily...but I couldn't.

The next couple of weeks at school, Jake seemed to be everywhere. I would see Seth too, but he was never with Jacob. Just off in the distance, watching.

It was the day before Valentine's day and I was really missing Edward. I was walking around campus, day dreaming about the two of us going to the same school,

away from here, away from Jake. I wasn't paying too much attention to what or who were around me, when I felt a strong hand grab and yank me behind a building.

I looked up into the very angry eyes of Jacob Black.

"What do you want? Get your hands off of me!" I hissed, trying to pull away from him.

"What did you say to Seth. What kind of lies did you make up to turn him against me?" He demanded.

I snorted in derision. "I didn't tell him any lies. But you're a fine one to talk! You're the fucking king of lies." I yelled at him.

Before I could finish, before I could even register what he was about to do, he had backhanded me...hard. So hard, that when my head went back it hit and bounced

off the brick wall behind me. I saw stars.

He was drawing back to hit me again, when two campus security guards tackled him and subdued him. Seth was with them, looking worried.

"I don't think so buddy." One of the guards said as he pulled Jake's arms behind his body, pinning him down to the ground with a knee in the back.

"Miss, do you want to press charges? The Dearborn Police are on their way." The other guard asked me gently.

I nodded my head. Everything was fuzzy, blurry. I looked over at Seth and then everything went into slow motion. I could see his lips move, but it took a moment for

the sounds to hit my ears. "Oh Shit!" then Seth was reaching for me as the ground seemed to be rushing up to meet me. Before I felt the impact with the ground,

darkness crashed down on me.


	30. Chapter 30 Payback Is Hell EPOV

**A/N Sorry to my faithful readers, that this took so long...hope it was worth the wait.**

* * *

She was smiling!

Damn! That is beautiful! She is beautiful!

My Isabella, with a real, happy smile on her face...that shone from her eyes even.

I was stunned, and speechless. She took my breath away. God! I loved her so much!

"I may not be whole yet, but I am on my way. I have reclaimed my life, my future and myself." She said confidently.

God! I was so proud of her. This had to be so hard.

Isabella walked around the room, and gave everyone a hug. Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme. Letting them in and allowing the to touch her.

Then she walked over to me. We hadn't told anyone about us yet, and neither one of us was in to public displays of affection, so, to everyone in my family we

appeared to be what we always had been. Friends...just friends. So I all expected at this point was a hug also. She shocked the hell out of me, though. Me and

everyone else in the room. Instead of hugging me as she had done for everyone else, she cupped my face, bent and kissed me...full on the lips. Not just a peck on

the lips either, but a full-blown, tongue to tongue, dick hardening, kiss. I was in heaven.

"I know that was a lot to take in, but, I really can't answer any questions right now. Excuse me." She said this from the archway that led to the hall...then slipped

away. How the hell did she get over there so fast? So gracefully?

I looked around the room at everyone. They all had tears on their faces and shocked expressions. I don't know if they are more shocked by her story or by the kiss

though.

I prepared myself for the onslaught of questions I was sure they had for me. Obviously, I knew a lot more than anyone else, and Isabella had left me here to answer

for her. I was okay with that, if it caused her less pain, or embarrassment, I would do it for her.

"Are you guys a couple now?" Alice asked. "I mean all this time, the four of us going out and neither one of you acted like anything more than just friends."

I was a little surprised that the first question would be about us, instead of the rape, but that's Alice for you.

"I don't know how to define what we are, other than we love each other. It's a little complicated, we have been friends for a long time, and only just

recently realized that there was more between us than that. It's not like I have asked her to be my girlfriend, or my lover, or even my wife...although, I hope she will

be one day." I admitted.

Esme gasped, then smiled. "It's about time you two figured out that you belong together."

I was surprised by that. Did everyone know how we felt about each other, before we did...before we admitted it to ourselves. As I looked around the room at each

person, they all nodded and smirked at me.

What the hell! Was I really that blind and stupid?

"It took you long enough, man." Jasper said, laughing.

Alice giggled.

"Okay!" Carlisle interrupted. "Let's get down to serious business. Edward, what do you know about...Bella's...rape?" He stumbled over those words. Even being a

doctor, and seeing just about everything, I could tell it was hard for him to accept what had happened to Isabella...to one of his own. Because I could see that too.

Isabella had captured their hearts, and she was a part of this family. Carlisle would not stand for anyone hurting his family.

I told them how I first heard about it straight from the rapists mouth...Jacob Black...up at school. How he bragged about it, and tried to justify his actions. I left out

all the details of that conversation, but they understood...Jake had twisted it around in his head.

I explained how the two of them met, where they met, and why she agreed to go out with him...which was my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid last summer, hadn't

brought Victoria home with me, this might not have ever happened to her. I pushed her into his arms, by hurting her that night at the drive-in. The guilt I felt was

eating me up inside. Of course, Isabella, didn't see it that way or blame me in any way, but still, I knew.

I told them that Jake was the one stalking and harassing her on campus, and how he was getting other guys to harass, demean and belittle Isabella. Destroying her

reputation, confidence, and self-worth in the process.

The five of us plotted and planned as to what we could do to fix this problem. How to help my Isabella.

Alice, Jasper and I couldn't do much, but love and support her, because we were all leaving the next day to go back to our respective schools.

Carlisle was going to go to the police and check into a restraining order, and to report the stalking and harassment.

Esme was going to contact campus security and make them aware of the situation. Warn them about Jacob, and what he was capable of...in case anyone else was

having a problem with him also, and so they had documentation as well.

Our main goal, was to make her safe. Protect her. Prevent anything else bad from happening to her.

I felt comforted knowing that Isabella would be looked after. That there was a plan in place to protect her.

That my family loved her enough to want to take care of and protect her. She deserved this. She deserved to be loved. She deserved to be taken care of.

I never was so thankful for my family as I was in this moment. Knowing the generosity of spirit and need to protect their own. And Isabella wasn't just mine, but all

of ours.

She would never be alone again.

I knew I could go back to school and she would be safe. I didn't want to go back. I never wanted to leave her again. I was going to look into transferring to a different

school. Either one closer to home or where ever Isabella ended up going for pharmacy school.

Uncle Carlisle had already told me he would pay for her schooling. Money wouldn't be a consideration for her. Where ever she was accepted, he would take care of

the financial aspect of it.

Our futures looked bright.

Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Driving away, while she stood in the driveway, waving, I felt the loss of her. I felt, briefly, like

I would never see her again, but put that down to the melancholy I felt about leaving her for a while. I almost turned around to go back, but knew I couldn't. I had to

go back to school. I felt the loss of her in every fiber of my being. I physically ached for her. I would miss her terribly, but if I had my way, this would be one of the

last times I ever left her behind. We would be together again, and soon. Just this final semester of separation. Just five more months total. I could handle that.

When I got back to school, I went to my dorm, and just stared at the ceiling. I really didn't know how I was going to make it five months. I already missed her...her

scent of strawberries, here silky hair and satiny skin, how tiny she was in my arms. The taste of her lips, like cinnamon. My body got hard just thinking about her. I

sighed again. Damn this was going to be torture...pure and simple.

We ended up talking every night on the phone, even if to just say good night. I couldn't sleep without hearing her voice. During the day, we would communicate

through e-mails and text messaging.

I know that Isabella had applied at several different schools, around the state that offered pharmacy programs, and I looked for colleges near each of those, that

offered medical school. The only one was the University of Michigan, so I applied there hoping to get in, hoping that she got in, so that we could be together.

Time passed so slow, and I needed to see Isabella so bad. Valentine's day was coming up, and I decided to take a long weekend, and go home to see my girl. I didn't

tell her, because I wanted it to be a surprise. She was struggling right now. Jacob, the prick, was still making her life miserable, and she was depressed. She couldn't

understand why he wouldn't just take a hint and leave her alone.

I couldn't wait to get home, to hold and comfort Isabella. To let her know...to remind her, that soon, we would be going to a different school and be free of him and

his crazy ass behavior.

I was packed and ready to go, just getting into my car, to start my journey home, when I got the call from Aunt Esme.

Fuck! All hell had broke loose.

Jacob, the mother fucker, had attacked and hurt my girl.

Esme asked that I come home right away to be with her, to be there for her...for Isabella.

Esme said that they were at Oakwood Hospital, and said that when I got closer to home, to call and see if they were still there. She didn't make it sound like it was

too serious, but that didn't stop me from putting my foot down hard on the accelerator and speeding all the way home.

Thankfully, I made it to Dearborn safe, and without any tickets. Which was an accomplishment, as I couldn't focus on what I was doing, all I could think about was

Isabella...how badly she was hurt...what he had done to her this time...and if he had ruined the progress that we had made.

When I called Aunt Esme, as I entered the city, she said she was still at the hospital, and said she would see me there.

Why was she still in the hospital? God! What did that sick fuck do to her this time?

I had to see her.

To see Isabella

To make sure she was okay.

When I got to the hospital, I went to the information desk, and was told that Isabella, was in a room up in I.C.U. on the fifth floor. I immediately took off for the

elevators. Fuck! I.C.U.! Shit! How bad was she?

When I got off the elevator, I saw Aunt Esme sitting in the waiting room, her arms wrapped around her body, staring out the windows, softly crying.

God dammit! Shit! I ran over to her and slid to my knees in front of her, desperately grabbing her hands.

"How is she? Where is she?"

Esme's shoulders slumped, like she had been holding herself tightly together, and she fell into my arms, crying softly. "I'm so glad you're here. She just came out of

surgery. She has a head injury, and there was swelling on her brain...they had to operate, to alleviate the pressure on her brain." My aunts whole body was vibrating,

with her tremors. She took a deep breath, held it for a moment and calmed herself.

She stood, took my hand and led me to the room that held my heart...my life...my Isabella.

The room's lights were down low, the room dim, but also lit up from the lights from all the machines that were in there. Isabella was on a bed in the center of the

room, attached to so many machines...too many machines. She had bandages wrapped around her head, and one side of her face was completely bruised...black,

blue, purple, green and yellow. She looked so tiny...so small...like a child, sleeping. Thankfully she didn't look like she was in pain.

God! My heart hurt. Such a feeling of devastating pain and rage ripped through me. If that sick fuck, Jacob Black, wasn't already in jail...I would have killed him. I

would hunt him down and destroy him. He better pray that they don't release him. I would stalk him and beat him and torture him...put terror in his eyes. Let him

see how it feels to be the hunted, so he could feel a fraction of the pain he had caused my Isabella. I could only hope that he would become some inmates bitch, and

feel the degradation of being forced into a sexual act that he didn't want. I prayed that justice would serve. Karma's a bitch. Payback is hell. I hoped he got his.

"What happened?" I whispered, afraid to disturb her. "Tell me everything." I demanded.

She told me how Carlisle and her, set the plan in motion, to set the trap...tighten the noose...so Jacob could hang himself. They thought the had her protected

enough, to prevent her getting hurt. They had informed the police, so they were aware of the problem, and had a record of complaint against Jake, but without any

proof...hard evidence, their hands were tied. Campus security was better and said they would keep an eye out for trouble...but there was only so much they could

do...until he touched her.

It was actually Jacob's best friend, Seth, that saved her. He was the first on the scene. He had stopped trusting Jake, and was worried about Bella...he was following

Jake, to make sure he didn't do anything. Seth was the one who saw Jake grab Isabella...the one to get security...and lead them to the scene. Seth also had a lot of

damaging information, and some actually evidence, to help put Jacob Black away.

"Jacob only hit her the one time...but he hit her so hard that when her head whipped back from the impact, she hit the brick wall he had her pinned against. The hit

to the wall is what put her into the hospital.

She passed out, and again, Seth, was the one to catch her as she fell. If he hadn't, she could have been hurt worse, hitting the ground. They brought her here

immediately, but the swelling was instantaneous and they rushed her into surgery to drain the fluids on her brain.

Because of the trauma, they have her in a drug induced coma...just for a couple of days...while they make sure she is on the mend. Once all the swelling is gone,

they will bring her out of the coma." Esme was sobbing again.

"I'm so sorry Edward... So sorry that she was hurt, but she's a fighter. I know she will be okay...she just needs to heal." Esme voice sounded weak though, she

sounded unsure...

I walked over to the bed, sat in the only chair and took my Isabella's hand. Picking it up carefully and pressing it to my lips, my face...and I cried. I rubbed her hand

with my own, against my cheek, letting my tears run over her tiny fingers.

"Please, Baby Girl! Please get better...please come back to me...please don't...leave...me...I love you...I...need you...I can't...can't live...without you...p-p-please." I

moaned. At this point I was incoherent. I felt Aunt Esme behind me. She put her hands on my shoulders, squeezed, then wrapped her arms around me and bent over

me to kiss the top of my head.

"Keep the faith, Edward...believe she will be okay." But her voice cracked when she said it. I couldn't help but feeling lost...defeated...alone.

I bent my head down to the bed, still holding my beautiful angels hand. My broken angel. And I wept.


	31. Chapter 31 Nightmare? Or Hell?

I became aware of my pain. I can't feel my body and I can't move. I feel paralyzed and helpless. The feeling of helplessness reminds me of Jacob Black. I relive the

rape...the pain and degradation. I hear Jacob laughing...loud and wickedly. He taunts me then hits me. My head explodes in the most excruciating pain. I black out.

Blip...Blip...Blip...

What's that noise? I try to turn my head towards the sound...

I became aware of my pain. I can't feel my body and I can't move. I feel paralyzed and helpless. The feeling of helplessness reminds me of Jacob Black. I relive the

rape...the pain and degradation. I hear Jacob laughing...loud and wickedly. He taunts me then hits me. My head explodes in the most excruciating pain. I black out.

I could hear voices talking, but they sounded like they were at the end of a tunnel. Undecipherable and echoing. I couldn't make out their words or who was speaking.

Just the sounds reverberating in my head. I could sense light through my eyelids, but I couldn't open my eyes...they were too heavy.

I was so tired, but I wanted to wake up...open my eyes.

I realized that I could feel my hand. It was being held by someone. I tried to squeeze the hand that held mine, to let them know, I was aware of them. It just took so

much energy and focus, and I couldn't focus...

I became aware of my pain. I can't feel my body and I can't move. I feel paralyzed and helpless. The feeling of helplessness reminds me of Jacob Black. I relive the

rape...the pain and degradation. I hear Jacob laughing...loud and wickedly. He taunts me then hits me. My head explodes in the most excruciating pain. I black out.

I'm lying down. All is dark and quiet. I can hear the gentle breathing of someone close. I can feel their breath across my skin, my face. I try to move my head away.

"Isabella? Baby Girl...wake up! I'm here...It's me, Edward. Wake up! Please Angel, wake up." I could hear the desperation and fear in his voice. I wanted to wake up

for him. I wanted to look at his beautiful face. I wanted to see him again.

"Eeeeddw..." I tried to say his name...

I became aware of my pain. I can't feel my body and I can't move. I feel paralyzed and helpless. The feeling of helplessness reminds me of Jacob Black. I relive the

rape...the pain and degradation. I hear Jacob laughing...loud and wickedly. He taunts me then hits me. My head explodes in the most excruciating pain. I black out.

"Uncle Carlisle...why won't she wake up? It's been almost 12 hours since she last moved and said my name." I could hear Edward talking.

Wow! 12 hours, I remember trying to say his name, but it felt like just a minute ago. Half a day has gone by since then.

"Edward, stop worrying so much. That's a good sign. She's coming out of the coma. Give her some time. She's getting there." I could recognize Carlisle's voice. He

sounded so calm and in control.

Wait! They were talking about me! A coma? Shit! How long was I out? At least I wasn't dead. I thought I had died and gone to hell.

I tried to concentrate on their conversation...but I couldn't focus. I had a throbbing headache, and I moaned.

Immediately I felt fingers run down my cheek, over my lips.

"Baby Girl! I'm here. Right here. Open your eyes Isabella. Let me see your beautiful eyes." Edward was begging me. So much pain in his voice. Fear and pain. I know

that feeling.

I could feel Carlisle on my other side, holding my wrist.

I fought to open my eyes. They were so heavy...my eyelids. They felt stuck shut. I felt so frustrated. I couldn't open my damn eyes. I wanted to so bad, to look at

Edward...to let him know that I was awake and aware of him there. I felt a tear slid out between my eyelids and down my cheek.

"Isabella! I love you! Wake up Angel!" I could hear the emotion...the tears in his voice. He held my hand to his cheek, and I could feel his tears on my fingers.

I struggled again to open my eyes. At last, success! My eyes opened to slits and I could see I was in a hospital room. I tried to turn my head to where Edward's voice

was...

I became aware of my pain...

"No!" I gasped out.

...I became aware of my pain. I can't feel my body and I can't move. I feel paralyzed and helpless. The feeling of helplessness reminds me of Jacob Black. I relive the

rape...the pain and degradation. I hear Jacob laughing...loud and wickedly. He taunts me then hits me. My head explodes in the most excruciating pain. I black out.

I opened my eyes and saw that I was alone. Where was everyone? Edward? I felt so alone.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember how I ended up here.

Oh! Yeah, I remembered!

I was at school, walking around campus. I was thinking about Edward...missing Edward. I wasn't paying attention. Jake grabbed me and dragged me behind a

building.

We fought. He was mad because of Seth.

He hit me again. I remember how bad that hurt. The force of his hit made my head snap back and slam into the wall behind me. Oh shit! The brick wall nearly

knocked me out. I saw him getting ready to hit me again. His eyes! He looked like he was going to kill me! Then everything got fuzzy. I couldn't remember anything

after that.

Wait! I'm awake! I can feel my body. And with some effort I can move...everything. I turned my head towards the window and see a couch, with a figure on it.

Edward!

"Edward?" I whispered. Hmm, that's all I could manage, not much voice there. He heard me though, like he had been waiting for me.

"Isabella?" I saw him jump up and race to my side. "Baby Girl?"

His hands were on me...everywhere. They felt so good. He was touching my hair, my face, down my arm to my wrist. He took my hand in his and brought it up to his

face, to his lips and kissed me. I could feel his tears on my fingers, and the scruff of his unshaven face on my hand. He kissed each finger...knuckle and stared at me.

Not even blinking, his eyes locked onto my face.

"Are you awake? Really awake this time? God! I was so scared!" His voice was harsh and hoarse with emotion.

"Edward." I whispered again. I needed more volume, but that's all that would come out. "I'm thirsty."

He laughed nervously. "Of course, let me ring the nurse." He leaned over me and pushed a button.

He sat down again, on the side of the bed, holding and kissing my hand over and over. Never taking his eyes off of my face.

"I thought that I had lost you!" He whispered. God! He looked like he was in pain.

I shook my head slightly...I would always be his, he could never lose me.

The nurse walked in before I could say anything.

"She's awake!" Edward said happily. "And she's thirsty! Can she have some water?"

The nurse came over and checked me over quickly and then nodded. "I will be right back."

"How long have I been here?" I asked. Surely only a day or two.

"Almost a week." He answered.

"A week?! How?" How could that be. It felt like, maybe a couple of hours.

"Jacob hit you again. He knocked you into a wall. You hit the wall too hard." I was nodding...I remember this. I could see the deep scowl on his face. "They had to

operate on you to alleviate the pressure and swelling of your brain. Then after surgery, they put you in a drug-induced coma...until all the swelling went away. Three

days ago they tried to bring you out of the coma, but you didn't wake up. You just laid there, motionless. I thought I had lost you...I thought you were going to die. I

was so scared." Again his voice was just a hoarse whisper.

The nurse walked in and set a styrofoam cup down on my bed tray. She raised the head of my bed, so I was more upright, but the movement of the bed caused a

wave of dizziness to wash over me, and I felt nauseous. I moaned and closed me eyes.

"Stop! Don't raise the bed anymore, please." I moaned again. She released the button, leaving me at a 45 degree angle.

"Isabella? Are you okay?" Edward asked, frantically. Worry marring his beautiful green eyes.

"I'm fine...just a little dizzy." I muttered.

The nurse nodded, and said, "That's normal. Better now? Okay here is some water. Drink slowly." And with these directions she left the room.

Edward picked up the cup, and brought the straw to my lips. I took a small sip. Heaven! Water had never tasted so good. But as soon as it hit my stomach, my empty

stomach, I realized how hungry I was. My stomach growled...loudly.

"Okay, that's embarrassing." I muttered.

Edward laughed. He looked so relieved, that my embarrassment quickly fled. I would do anything to ease the pain and worry from him.

I smirked at him.

"God Isabella! I missed you so much!" He leant in and placed his lips to mine. It was just a peck, but it awakened a fire in me. I wanted more. But first I needed to

brush my teeth, and eat, and maybe...no definitely shower. I was a mess.

I self-consciously lifted my hand to my hair, sure that it would be a greasy mess, but encountered the gauze wrapped around my head.

"Edward?" I looked over at him.

He shrugged. "I told you they had to operate. Don't worry, you still have most of your hair. Just where your head hit the wall, they had to shave your head to

operate. No big deal though. You will be able to cover it with the rest of your hair and it will eventually grow back."

I nodded. "I was going to grow it out. My hair is a disaster right now." I frowned. "Two-toned, choppy and uneven. Ugh! This sucks. I must look a wreck. And now I

have a bald spot to boot. Crap!"

"You're still beautiful to me!" Edward said and kissed my forehead. "I could care less what your hair looks like...as long as you're alive and healthy. That's all that

matters to me."

"I...I just don't want to embarrass you. You're so perfect...and I'm so...not! I want you to be proud of the girl on your arm. You need someone better than me. I want

to be good enough for you, but...but...I'm not. I'm so ugly and broken. I'm not good enough for you..." My voice trailed off

I wasn't good enough for Edward. Ugly and damaged as I was. The tears started then. I hadn't really cried since that night at the drive-in. I didn't even really cry

when Jake raped me...and not since then. I held it all in. Sometimes a tear would escape, but I would always get myself under control. I couldn't show weakness. I

had to keep it together.

But I was completely out of control now. And I sobbed. So hard. I don't think I have every cried so hard in my entire life.

I felt Edward wrap his arms around me. I know he was saying something...trying to console me, but I couldn't stop...now that I had started. This flood had been

building in me for a long time, and now that the dam was broken, I couldn't stop. The tears kept coming, soaking into Edward's shirt, as he held me in his arms,

rocking me, his voice...his words, just a constant, soothing humming sound in the back of my mind.

I cried myself into exhaustion, then sleep.


	32. Chapter 32 Going Home

**A/N Lemons ahead...look at the bottom of the page for an important message from me. :D**

* * *

I woke up and the weak winter sun was shining in the window. I looked around the room. I was alone.

I remembered the night before, my confession to Edward. I wondered if he would be back or if he finally had enough and left me for good.

I was surprised when Dr. Weber walked in the room.

"Hello, Bella. How are you today?" She smiled at me as she walked over to my bed.

I sat up, curling my legs up to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs.

"I'm alive. He didn't manage to kill me." I whispered.

Dr. Weber gave me a disappointed look. I knew what she wanted and my evasive answer was a cope out. We both knew that.

I nodded. "I'm still a little sore. Bad headache, and some dizziness. Other than that physically, I'm okay. Emotionally...not so much." I sighed. "When I was waking

up, I kept having a recurring...dream, I guess you could call it. It was horrible. I was paralyzed and unable to defend myself. Jacob would be there, laughing. Rape

me and beat me. Then he would hit me so hard that I blacked out. I felt so helpless. So worthless." I started crying.

"You realize that everything you just described makes sense. You were helpless, defenseless and unable to stop what happened to you. Jacob was in a position of

power over you. It's not surprising that you manifested that in you subconscious dreams.

You are trying to work out how to protect yourself from your attacker, and you're also making up excuses for him. Allowing him to have the right to do to you what he

did."

I looked confused. "I don't understand what you're saying." I mumbled.

"You are excusing him. Saying you're not good enough, so you obviously deserved it. For him to treat you like he did, makes you less worthwhile to everyone else

around you." She was picking up steam now. "You are worthwhile. You are a wonderful, beautiful, valuable human being. We are going to work on building your self-

esteem. You will know and believe that you are beautiful and worthy of a real love. A real relationship. When Edward compliments you, or anyone else for that

matter, you will listen, and believe." She stated emphatically.

"But the bad stuff is easier to believe." I whispered.

"Everyday you will write down about one feature or trait, describe it, and explain why it's a good feature for you. Start at the top of your head. I expect you bring me

seven features every week so we can discuss and go over it together during our sessions." She instructed.

I nodded.

"I think you will be released today. I will see you in one week on Monday, as usual." She said, then winked at me and turned and left the room.

As she walked out the door, she passed Edward, Carlisle and Esme coming in.

"Good, you're awake." Carlisle said.

"I will help you get dressed." Esme said.

I looked to Edward. He didn't say anything, just looked at me. I was still worried that he had had it with me.

Edward and Carlisle walked out of the room again.

Esme helped me dress.

"I'm so glad you're coming home today." She said excitedly.

I tried to smile at her. I was glad to be going home too. I wondered how long Edward would be home. How long before he leaves again.

When I was dressed, Esme went to the door and let the guys come back in. Carlisle called down for a wheelchair and when the orderly came up with it, I sat down

and we left.

I was staring at Edward, waiting for him to say something, but he still didn't speak to me.

Carlisle went and got the Escalade while I sat in the wheelchair with Esme and Edward talking softly, behind me. Not including me in their conversation.

As Carlisle pulled up, Edward opened the door for his aunt and helped her up and in. Then turned to me and scooped me out of the chair, slid me into the back seat,

then walked around and got in next to me.

The drive home was silent and I felt self-conscious. Why wouldn't Edward even say hi to me. I turned my face to the window, when I felt the tears form and start to

flow down my cheeks.

I was feeling stupid and bad about myself.

Carlisle pulled up in front of the house, but didn't get out, neither did Esme. Edward slid out and walked around to my side and opened my door. I lowered my head

and slipped out before he could pick me up. I looked down at the ground, praying that Edward didn't notice my tears.

If he noticed, he didn't say anything as he put his arm around me and guided me into the house.

Once inside I headed for the stairs. I wanted to go to my bedroom and be alone with my tears. I pulled away from him, and slowly climbed the stairs.

"Isabella?" Edward called.

I stopped on the third stair and waited, but didn't turn. The tears were pouring from my eyes at this point. I tried and failed to hold in the whimper.

"Baby Girl, what's wrong?" He whispered.

"Why won't you talk to me Edward?" I sniffed.

I felt his arms come around me and he scooped me up into his arms and carried me to my room.

"Last night..." He whispered, "You were so upset. Because of something I said. I don't want to upset you again. I don't ever want to be the reason you cry like that

again." He set me on my bed and ran his hand through his hair. "I love you!"

"Show me." I whispered.

His eyes darkened and he took me in his arms. "Are you sure?" His beautiful voice was husky. "You will tell me to stop, if you get too scared, or it gets to be too

much?"

I nodded. I was so nervous.

Edward pulled me into his arms, and was kissing me. My world exploded. I was in heaven. I could feel my heart beating fast. My entire body flushed. I was on fire.

Edwards hand at my waist slid down lower, pulling me closer. His other hand went up to my hair, brushing it softly back behind my ear. He ran his hand down my

cheek to my chin, then feathered his fingers down my neck.

His lips were nibbling, licking and sucking at mine. Asking permission, asking for more. He took my bottom lip and bit gently, then licked it and sucked on it to soothe

it. I gasped and opened my mouth to him. He moaned softly and then his tongue was there caressing my tongue, dueling with it, and then retreating.

I had never been so excited and scared at the same time. I felt my stomach twist and my lower body clench. I didn't want him to stop kissing me.

I felt him pull his head back and gaze at me. I slowly opened my eyes and looked back. "Isabella, you are so beautiful." I realized my hands were clenched in his

shirt. Then his mouth came crashing back to mine. With light pecks, he started kissing me everywhere...my nose, eyes, eyebrows, hairline, and ear, meanwhile his

hand continued to stroke my neck and throat.

"Edward." I whispered. "Don't stop."

He pushed me back onto the bed.

"God! Isabella. You don't know how long I have wanted to do this. How much I want you."

Edward laid me down gently then leaned over and started exploring my mouth again. My hands were now in his glorious hair, holding him to me.

His hands lightly trailed down my sides to the hem of my sweater. Then he started pushing it up to expose my stomach, then my ribcage. He pulled up to look down

at me to make sure I was okay with this and I nodded.

He scooted down and now his mouth was on my body as he kissed the flesh that he was uncovering.

At this point, I was quivering so hard. "Are you cold? Bella?" He asked.

"No." On a sigh.

"Are you afraid?" He asked pulling away a little.

"Not of you." On a moan. "Touch me Edward."

That's all he needed to hear.

Edward removed my sweater and looked down at me. My bra was all lace and didn't hide me from his eyes. He groaned as he slid both hands to my breasts and ran

his thumbs over my hard nipples, flicking at the barbells.

I threw my head back and pled. "Edward." Then I felt his hot breath on my nipples and he started sucking on one through the lace, while he pinched and twisted the

other with his fingers.

God! I was throbbing down below. I felt like I was going to explode. I was trying to catch my breath, but couldn't. I could feel my body clenching, clenching and then

it really felt like I had exploded. I gasped then keened as I threw my head back, arching my back off the bed, causing my body to press harder into his body.

I slowly came down, catching my breath, but Edward was still kissing and sucking on my nipples. I looked down to him and he smiled.

"You are the first girl I have ever brought to orgasm simply from touching her nipples." He looked very pleased with himself, but I didn't care, because I felt so good,

and he was already building me up again.

I was running my hands up and down his chest and then started unbuttoning his shirt. He shrugged it off and reached behind me to unclasp my bra.

God! His body was beautiful, perfect. He had muscles in all the right places. Toned, but not like a bodybuilder and he just had a little hair starting at his navel and

disappearing into his pants. I wanted to see all of him, feel all of him. I was working the button on his jeans, and he was doing the same for mine. He got up to pull

my jeans down my legs. Now all I had on was the matching panties to the bra. All lace. He smiled and licked his lips as he pushed his own pants off along with his

boxers. Oh. My. God. He is huge! And beautiful. I never did get a look at Jake, so I had nothing to compare him to, but I was sure, that he was extra endowed. That

just couldn't be normal.

While I had been distracted with the sight of Edward's penis, and grappling with his size, his hand slowly stroked the object of my admiration, and he stepped up to

the bed. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, and what he was doing to himself. I watched as he rubbed up over the tip, where some pre-cum was beading on the tip,

and he rubbed it into his flesh, as he continued to stroke himself.

I liked my lips. I have never wanted to take a cock into my mouth so bad as I did in that moment.

But Edward had other plans. He started kissing me again and then whispered. "I'm going to worship at the altar of Isabella." And then he kissed down my neck, his

hands proceeding, letting me know where his mouth was heading. His fingers found my nipples again and again. He pinched and twisted them and again I felt ready

to explode.

"Edward." I gasped. "Please." His mouth continued down and captured a nipple as his hands moved down and caressed my belly, and flicked the belly ring, then

massaged my hips. His lips soon followed his hands down and he dipped his tongue into my navel at the same time as his hands moved lower. He took a finger and

ran it down my slit over my lace panties.

God! I was wet! My panties were soaked. I was almost embarrassed, when Edward moaned again, but his words pleased me. "God! Your are so wet! I love that I can

do this for you!" And again he stroked down my slit.

I was lifting my hips, trying to get more pressure and I felt his smile on my stomach.

Then his mouth dipped lower. I could feel his hot breath on me. I was embarrassed about him putting his face between my legs. I started squirming, but his hands

went under me and lifted my hips, pulling me closer to his mouth. He inhaled and said. "You smell like honey." And then his mouth was on me and his tongue

mimicked his fingers and stroked down my slit. "You taste like honey, too!" I groaned and writhed under him.

He was putting me down and pulling my underwear off and I suddenly felt very exposed. I tried to squeeze my legs together.

"Bella?" He asked. "Are you okay?" He was looking down at me and then worry flashed in his eyes. "We can stop, if you want to."

"I...I'm fine" I whispered.

His fingers were touching my bare flesh. He gently spread my nether lips apart and started stroking my clit. The excitement and tension were building in me again

and I sighed as I let my legs fall to the sides, inviting Edward in. He smiled and accepted my invitation.

He knelt between my legs and stroked his cock a couple of times, then moved it to my slit and slid it up and down, from my entrance to my clit several times to

gather my moisture. He slowly brought it down again to my vagina and slowly slipped just the head of his thick cock in.

"God! Your are so tight!" He muttered.

"Edward, I want you inside me. Please." I begged.

He gave me what I asked for. He pushed hard into me and I felt a tearing, and searing pain. I couldn't control the yelp of pain. We both froze. I was gasping for

breath and tears were running from my eyes into my hair.

"Shit! Isabella, are you okay?" He stared at me, as he frantically tried to pull out of me.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed, "So sorry, but don't stop"

Edward was fully embedded in me, and he just laid still, his forehead resting on my own. "Bella...shhhh..." He hushed me.

"I'm sorry. I've ruined everything." I whimpered.

"No! Don't think that." He whispered, trying to gain control. "I just would have been gentler if I knew. I would have prepared you better." He sounded...angry? Again

he tried to pull away from me, to pull out.

"No! Edward." I sighed. "Don't stop now."

He nodded and kissed me again on the lips as he slowly pulled out and stroked back in several times helping my body learn the rhythm. Soon the pain disappeared

and I was throbbing and building again and I felt his finger touch my clit and rub in a circular motion, around and around. His head swooped down and he captured a

nipple between his teeth, gently biting.

That was all it took and I was soaring. I felt weightless. Amazing explosions everywhere in my body. I could feel my pussy pulsing and clamping on his cock and then

he stilled and I could feel his hot cum spray into me, which made me soar again. My fingernails were digging into his butt cheek as I held him to me, my legs wrapped

around his hips. Panting, spent, I felt amazing. I didn't know it could be like that.

Edward had dropped down and he rolled off me to the side but quickly pulled me into his arms. I snuggled into him. I had never felt so safe, so protected, so...loved.

His hands were tracing gently up and down my back,not quite tickling me, just a soft caress. "Isabella," He whispered. "I love you! God! I have loved you for so long.

I know I have wasted time we could have been together, because I was being stupid, but I need you to know I will always want to be in your life. You mean

everything to me." He hugged me even tighter.

"Edward, I have always loved you. I just didn't think I was good enough for you. I still don't really, but as long as you want me, I will be yours." I admitted.

"You are too good for me, I don't deserve you. I will always want you." He whispered.

My heart soared. I loved him so much, and now I had a wonderful, beautiful memory to replace the memory of Jacob Black.

But why did it hurt so bad? Jake had taken my virginity. Right?

* * *

**A/N New story coming soon. It will be called Hearts on Fire...stay tuned for a synopsis ;D**


	33. Chapter 33 Back To Normal, Wait, Better

**A/N More lemons ;) Enjoy**

* * *

I fell asleep in Edward's arms. I didn't hear Esme and Carlisle come home. I slept deep and dreamless all night.

I woke to Edward kissing my neck. I could feel his morning wood pressing into my backside as we lay spooning.

I stretched my body and assessed how I felt. I was a little sore in my lady parts, but the headache and dizziness seemed to be gone. I felt sated and warm.

I felt loved and well-loved.

I felt wonderful.

As I stretched and moaned, Edward's hands started wandering over my body. I arched my back, pushing my breasts into his searching hands and grinding my ass

into his hard-on.

"Isabella? Are you sure? You must be sore." He mumbled into my hair.

"Oh yeah! I'm sure." I groaned.

He lowered one hand down my flat stomach, briefly playing with the jewel in my belly then ghosted his fingers down to my mound. Butterfly light he teased me,

running up and down my outer lips without penetrating in to the inner folds.

I moaned again. "Edward, don't tease me." I flipped over to look at him...to kiss him.

His hands went to my hips and pulled me atop of him. I straddled him and rubbed against him again, leaving him in no doubt that I was wet and ready for him.

Ohhhhh. I liked this, being on top. I liked looking down into Edward's face and seeing the passion...the desire in his eyes.

Edward's eyes darkened and he moaned while his hands on my hips helped me grind on him.

"Isabella." He groaned.

I lifted up and he positioned himself at my entrance, then I slowly lowered myself on him, impaling myself on his long, hard cock. When he was fully embedded in my

tightness, I just sat for a moment adjusting to the feeling of fullness.

"God! Isabella! What ever you just did...do it again." He was moaning, his hips slightly bucking up into me, going deeper. I threw my head back and clenched down

on him again. And he moaned again. "Yessssss" He hissed. So I did it again and again, adding a little grind or rotation of the hips in between. I was getting us pretty

worked up, even without any real friction happening.

I watched his face to see if he liked what I was doing, and he looked lost in a world of pleasure, so I must have been doing something right. His hands were flexing on

my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh, as he let me ride him. Desire, lust and love clearly showing on his face.

I slid my hands up my body from my thighs, over my stomach to cup my breasts. I flicked and tweaked my nipples, as Edward watched and groaned.

"God! Baby! That is so fucking erotic to watch you touch yourself." He moaned.

I continued to ride him, grinding and clenching. "Edward...so...close." I panted.

He slid one hand from my hip to my core and started rubbing lazy circles around my clit and it threw me over the edge. I was weightless and soaring.

"Uhmmm...Edward...soooo...so...good." I couldn't catch my breath.

"Cum for me Baby. Cum all over me. Fuck! Bella! Aaahhhhhh." His hands were back on my hips holding me as he thrust up and pounded into me. Then he threw his

head back, as he came, filling me with his hot spunk.

"Uhmmm, Edward! I love how you feel inside me. I'm so full...so stretched. You're so big. Oh God! I love to feel your cock inside me, I love to feel you cum inside

me."

I was still vibrating from my orgasm.

"Fuck Isabella. I love how tight you are! I love how I fit in you just right...like you were made for me alone. And I love when you talk dirty and swear. Shit that is

fucking sexy as hell."

He swiftly rolled me over on my back and started stroking smoothly in and out of me again. Staring me straight in the eye he gave me a cocky smile and asked.

"Ready for round two?"

"God yes! Harder Edward! Faster." I was so close again...already. "Edward, harder! Fuck me!"

"You" Thrust

"Are" Thrust

"Mine" Thrust

"Forever" Thrust

"I" Thrust

"Love" Thrust

"You" Thrust

Then talking stopped as he pounded into me hard and fast. My fingernails were leaving crescent shape dents in his ass, as I pulled him harder into me and pushed my

hips up to meet his thrusts, trying to get him deeper.

"Y-y-y-yeeeeeeeeessssssssss." I hissed and grunted as my body released, clenching, vibrating and shivering. My head thrown back in ecstasy. My throat exposed for

his lips.

I felt Edward's warm lips, and tongue on my neck kissing and nipping down. As he reached the sweet spot where my neck and shoulder meet, he bit down and

groaned as he came, shooting another load of cum into my clenching pussy. My body milking him dry.

"AAAAHHHHHH." He shouted.

Panting and trying to catch our breath, bodies slick with sweat, forehead to forehead, still holding him inside of me, we stared into each others eyes.

"I love you Isabella! Forever." He whispered, than softly kissed the tip of my nose. "I don't want to ever let you go."

I nodded and stared into his beautiful eyes. "Edward, I love you more than anything or anybody else...and I don't want you to ever let me go either.

He tried to roll off of me, but I wrapped my legs around his hips and whispered. "Stay."

"I'm too heavy. I'll crush you." He mumbled.

"I don't care! Stay!" I demanded.

Edward stayed, supporting some of his weight on his elbows, his hands above my head. His lips were worshipping mine, our tongues dueling, breath mingling.

We laid like that for a while. I don't know how much time had passed, but we were both startled apart when we heard a soft knock on my bedroom door...thankfully it

wasn't opened.

"Hey you two. I have breakfast ready." Esme said.

I blushed. Should I be embarrassed? Did she hear us? Was she angry?

I looked at Edward with a raised eyebrow, asking him silently what was in store for us.

"It's all good Isabella. They know my intentions for you. They know that I love you with all that I am." His smile was soft and full of love.

"Well!" I huffed. "Okay then." I was still embarrassed. She knew what we were doing!

We jumped in my shower for a quick wash, then got dressed and went downstairs. Edward was holding my hand as we walked into the kitchen.

Carlisle and Esme just smiled at us as we walked in, then indicated that we had something at our place settings. They didn't make any comments about what we had

been doing.

On each of our plates was a large envelope packet. I noticed that they were identical and had both come from the same place. The return address was from U of M.

Edward and I looked at each other, then we tore into the envelopes addressed to us at the same time.

"I'm in!" I cried.

"Me too!" Edward exclaimed.

"Yay!" I started clapping and bouncing in my seat. I jumped up and hugged Carlisle and Esme, then threw myself on Edward's lap and kissed him.

I sat back down in my spot and ate breakfast. I could hardly take my eyes off of Edward, and he must have felt the same way, because every time I looked up at

him, he was watching me and smiling. We were in our own little bubble of happiness.

I knew Edward had to leave and go back to school tomorrow, but at least we had today, and we were going to take full advantage of it.

We spent the day together. After breakfast we grabbed our jackets and went for a walk, and talked about everything.

We talked about us...about one day getting married, how many kids we wanted, what kind of home we wanted. Basically what our goals were, together, as a couple.

We went to the playground and Edward pushed me on the swing. We went down the slides, and played on the monkey bars, and just acted like children. Running,

chasing, tackling each other to the ground, and kissing.

After the playground we decided to get some ice cream. Edward took me to an old-fashioned ice cream parlor.

I was a little self-conscious. I knew I looked a little rough. My two-toned hair up in a sloppy ponytail. Grass stains and wet spots, and mud on my jeans and shoes and

jacket. And the bruise on my cheek a sickly green and yellow. Thankfully we were the only people there. Not much call for ice cream in mid-February.

The girl who worked there smirked at me when we walked in, noticing Edward and I holding hands. She proceeded to flirt outrageously with Edward. He paid her no

attention, his eyes focused on me. We decided to share a double-scoop when we realized that we both wanted the same flavor...amarato cherry mackinaw island

fudge. We were goofing around and feeding each other. I could see that this annoyed the counter girl. She looked to be our age and she was really pretty. She

probably wasn't used to being ignored.

About half-way through our cup of ice cream, Edward deliberately missed my mouth and smeared ice cream on the corner of my mouth and cheek.

"Oops." He smiled wickedly.

"Edward!" I whined.

The counter girl looked over at us, and shook her head in irritation, as Edward chuckled then leaned over and licked my cheek to my mouth and kissed me.

"Uhmmm...you smell like strawberries, but you taste of cherries and chocolate. You're delicious. I want to taste all of you, everywhere."

Now the girl looked down-right pissed. Ha ha! Score me! I smiled.

"I can't wait anymore." He muttered into my mouth then slid from his chair so that he was kneeling in front of me.

I focused on him again. "Edward...what?" I watched as he took my left hand in his, and reached for something inside his jacket pocket.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to love you for everyday of forever. I want to be there always for you to lean on me...to support you. Will you do me the greatest

honor and be my wife. Will you marry me?"

I squealed. I couldn't help myself. "Yes! Oh my God! Edward Yes! Yes, I will marry you!" I could tell I was getting the stink eye from the counter girl, but I didn't

waste any effort to look at her now. Ha!

In Edward's hand was a small jewelery box and he slowly opened it to reveal the ring inside. A solitaire heart-shaped diamond in a setting that enhances the shape of

the stone. He slips it on my left ring finger and I'm just stunned for a moment, at its beauty and brilliance.

I threw my arms over his shoulder and ran my right hand up into his hair. He brought his lips to mine again, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him

closer.

He slowly stood up, and as I was wrapped around him, he took me with him.

"Let's go home." He whispered against my lips.

"Yes. I want you under me, over me...in me. I want you." I breathed against his lips, not capable of pulling away from him. I felt his lips smile on mine, which caused

my own to lift in a happy smile.

I released my legs and he set me down so we could leave. Ice cream forgotten. Everything forgotten, except our love.

* * *

**A/N New story coming soon... Working Title...Hearts On Fire... Bella Black is a young widow... Keep reading here for more info soon :P**


	34. Chapter 34 Epilogue

25 years

25 years ago I met my family, my best friends and my love of a lifetime. I was 13 years old and had no idea that the start of high school would be the beginning of a

life worth living.

So much has happened in those years. so many things have changed, but one thing has remained constant. My love for Edward. That love has never faltered.

I thank God, that Alice saw something in me, on that first day of school. Something worthwhile..someone worthwhile.

After Edward proposed, we finished the school year apart. It was a necessity, but once completed and he came home we were inseparable.

We started at U of M in the fall and were finally able to be together every day.

There was a trial for Jacob Black. Others had come forward against him as well, and with Seth's testimony against him, well it was a done deal. With much

satisfaction we heard his sentence and celebrated. Finally closing the book on that chapter of my life.

Edward and I agreed to wait until I finished school to marry. As soon as I graduated and passed my law exam and boards we took the plunge. I was 23 and Edward

25. Alice was my maid of honor with Rosalie a bridesmaid. Jasper was best man, Emmett a groomsman. Rose and Em's twins, Jordyn and Joshua, just turned three,

were the flower girl and ring bearer.

Alice wanted a big, huge, fancy wedding. Edward and I...not so much. It ended up being a very small, intimate affair, because, let's face it, I had nobody to invite. I

had no one and came from no one. Carlisle walked me down the aisle.

It was a beautiful wedding, even if it did rain. The ceremony was short. The reception fun. The food divine. The flowers beautiful. My husband perfect. Edward and I

danced all night. I dedicated "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top, to him, and he dedicated "Brown Eyed Girl" by Roy Orbison to me.

Our honeymoon we spent in Toronto. We went to see Phantom of the Opera at the renowned Pantages Theater. We also went to the Toronto Zoo, Canada's

Wonderland, Toronto Science Center and the Hockey Hall of Fame. And yes, we spent a good amount of time in our room, consummating our marriage.

Edward was doing his residence at U of M Motts Children Hospital in Ann Arbor, as he had specialized in pediatric oncology. I got a job as a pharmacist and we bought a house in the town of South Lyon, MI.

We had planned on waiting a couple of years before even trying for a baby. Well you know what they say about the best laid plans.

Edward had just started in private practice when our son made his entrance to the world.

Anthony Jon Cullen, or A.J. as we called him, 8 pounds 8 ounces 20 1/2 inches long of beautiful bouncing boy. A total towhead. Don't know where he got that from,

but he had Edward's beautiful green eyes. A.J. was born on a cold, blustery day in January, and brought 11 inches of snow with him. I was 25 and Edward 27.

We were a happy family of three, hoping to add to our family in the near future when I became ill.

Nothing too serious, thankfully, just my gall bladder needed out. I was being prepped for surgery when the doctor performing the operation informed me I was

pregnant, but because of all the pain killers, antibiotics, nuclear medicine and x-rays, would have to have the pregnancy terminated as soon as possible, or risk a

severely retarded and malformed child.

After being released from the hospital, we consulted with my OB/GYN.

Edward and I decided to have faith in God and trust that if our child had special needs that we would have the strength and ability to take care of it.

We went forward with the pregnancy.

I had two miscarriage scares during my pregnancy. Bleeding and cramping and late nights in the E.R. And still we went forward.

At the end of April I gave birth to our daughter, Paige Marie Cullen. 9 pounds 10 ounces 22 inches long. 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes, long brown hair, and big

green eyes. No birth defects at all. Our miracle baby. I was 28 Edward 30.

Once both A.J. and Paige were in school full-time, I went back to work. I didn't have to, but I loved what I did. I was 34, Edward 36.

Of course Edward and I have had our ups and downs in our relationship. What couple hasn't. But we have always managed to go to bed each night, still loving each

other, apologies made, problem resolved.

Our life together has been everything a girl could dream of. More than I thought I would have or deserve.

I still have no contact with Renée or Charlie. I don't even know if they are dead or alive, and to be honest, I don't care. I have no desire to find them, or know them.

My children are better off without them.

Alice and Jasper married a couple of months after Edward and I. Unfortunately Alice was never able to conceive. They ended up adopting two children. A girl, Mai,

from Taiwan, and a boy, Sergei, from Russia. They live a couple of blocks away from us, and we do everything together.

Rose and Emmett have reproduced like rabbits. The have seven kids. Their first set of twins, Jordyn and Joshua, Kaitlyn, Ashlyn, Austin and another set of twins

Lucas and Samuel. They also live in South Lyon, but on the other side of town, about three miles from us.

Carlisle and Esme live in a condo outside of South Lyon, so they can be close to their grandbabies.

Today, my son A.J. is starting high school. That's why I took this stroll down memory lane...knowing that today, is the first day of the rest of his life. I don't know if

he will make any new or important friends. If he will meet his future wife, or if it will be just another day for him.

Both of my children were wanted and loved. Adored and spoiled before I even laid eyes on them. They will never experience the rejection I did. I did learn one

valuable lesson from the idiots who gave me life. They taught me how NOT to act. How NOT to parent. My children have friends and cousins and grandparents and

parents that think they are the world.

Their futures are bright.

Life is good.

With my Love of a Lifetime.

* * *

A/N Thank you so much for reading my story. I have a new one started and have posted the first chapter. It's called Hearts on Fire. You can click on my name to access the story or her is the story id. Thank you again for reading and reviewing. I hoped you enjoyed my first attempt at writing...and hopefully I will get better.

s/8616359/1/Hearts-On-Fire


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